Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, I used to belong to a mailing list with a really funny guy, whose Real Name Must Not Be Spoken Out Loud.

At the time, I was in the middle of a four-year stint as a paralegal for a lawyer who specialized in corporate immigration. As part of my duties, I had become acquainted with the reciprocal arrangements that the United States has with a number of countries to allow their nationals to enter as tourists without a visa. When one of the members of the list complained about having to alter travel plans to Europe on short notice, I put in my $0.02 about travelling without a visa. I unwittingly set off HWRNMNBSOL, who followed up with her theme song:

Hey, kids! it's time for the IMMIGRATION LASS SHOW!

[montage]

[cue singers]

Look out, vorsicht, bozhe moi!
Who's that chick with the couer de roi?
She's got a trunk and a travel visa;
She's one crime-bustin' Mona Lisa!

she's Immigration Lass!
Immigration Lass!
Always flies first class
Immigration Lass!
Knocks illegals on their ass,
Immigration Lass!
[chord]

By train or plane or helicopter,
Sampan, minivan, ornithopter;
She's gonna get there to wreck your day
If you didn't get your green card the legal way!

she's Immigration Lass!
Immigration Lass!
Don't give her no sass,
Immigration Lass!
You can't beat her Eurorail pass,
Immigration Lass!
[chord]

> asya wrote:
>
> > My original plan was to travel to my home land for a few weeks
> > (that would be Russia). But their visa requirements have me
> > going batty
>
> Immigration Lass says, Americans can travel as visitors to most places
> in Western Europe without visas at all ... and there are so many things
> to do in Western Europe.

Asya: Thank you, Immigration Lass! you saved my sanity!

IL: Don't mention it, young lady! and remember: always label your luggage CLEARLY and ACCURATELY!

Asya: I will, Immigration Lass!

IL: Right, then I'm off!

Doktor Delay: NOT SO FAST, Immigration Lass!

Asya: Eek!

IL: Curses! my evil nemesis!

Doktor Delay: Tremble, as I hold you captive in the paralyzing grip of my dreaded Layover Laser!

IL: [got to....think....urk....can't....black....out....]

Doktor Delay: Gnee! gnee! gnee!

IL: [must....reach....utility....belt....for....frequent.....flyer....coupon....]

KIDS! WILL IMMIGRATION LASS SURVIVE THIS TERRIFYING TRAP?

WILL DOKTOR DELAY'S NEFARIOUS SCHEMES BE THWARTED?

WILL THE FREQUENT FLYER COUPON BE REDEEMABLE ON A WEEKEND OR BANK HOLIDAY?

FIND OUT NEXT WEEK IN:

"Lest Customs Intervene"