House of Cards Contributions Log

Two Gentlemen of Amber

posted by Ginger at 04:09 PM, June 09, 2002 | Filed under : NPC Dialogs | Comments and Followups

A discussion between Random and Martin, immediately following Random’s return to Amber after Patternfall.

Thump. Thump. “Hey! Wakey Wakey, hands off snakey!”

“Wha?”

“Surprise! It’s yer old man! Now bring me through, this is a bitch and a half to maintain.”

“Wha? Oh. Yeah.”

“Woo Hoo! Holy crap, have I got a lot to tell you. Got anything to drink?”

“Dad? Waitaminnit…DAD?!”

“Quiet, everyone will want one. Get rid of the dancing girls, get me some coffee, comb your hair and then we’ve gotta talk…”

“Um. Yeah.”

<Pause>

“How the hell did you get back here? Where the hell have you been for the last five years?”

“One at a time, one at a time. I trumped you, it hasn’t been 5 days for me, and we won the war. We were busy enough.”

“What about Grandfather?”

“He’s… He’s gone. We saw his funeral procession along the black road. I’m sorry.”

“He didn’t think he’d make it.”

“He meant a lot to you, didn’t he?”

“We got along all right. But it’s no surprise; I’ve had five years to get used to the idea. What about Brand?”

“Dead. Fell into the Abyss with arrows sticking out of his vitals. Bastard took Deirdre with him, though.”

“Oh, Dad … My condolences. What about the throne, then?”

“Brand did a lot of damage, but he didn’t break us. The king stuff is all resolved, though.”

“Who?” <pause> “Your majesty.”

“What about my majesty? Is it showing again? I’m gonna have enough of that from the court, let’s not you start.”

“Ah, shit.”

“Luck of the draw, boyo. So, what’ve you done to my kingdom?”

“Tried to keep it from falling apart?”

“Did you?”

“For some values of not falling apart, yes. We’ll have to go down to the basement. It’s pretty ugly and — oh, Dad, Gerard —”

“Is he alive and busily Regenting?”

“Yes, but —”

“No buts. There’s a lot to talk about first and if we go see him, it’ll be five years of reports.”

“You’re thinking of his son Vere. Do you know how many cousins I have?”

“Eight with the army, more or less, plus this kid of Gerry’s and Eric’s two. Did you know he had some wild hair that you should marry his daughter? Crazier than ‘King Random’, even if nobody else knew it. There’s an even dozen of you. Apparently I was the only one who didn’t figure out not to admit paternity.”

<snort> “Dad, there are thirteen of us.”

“You’re shitting me. Oh, wait, Merlin mentioned someone named Paige, is she the thirteenth?”

“I shit you not. That’s thirteen here in Amber. Yes, Paige is one of them.”

“Um, Merlin suggested that you and she were…”

“Washed up. Merle’s information is out of date.”

“Ah. So tell me about these thirteen kids.”

“Kids. I forgot. There’s fifteen of us. Flora is a grandmother. Twice.”

“You are shitting me.”

“I shit you not. Start with Jerod and Cambina; you know them. Then Gerard’s kids. Vere is from outshadow, good kid, steady, repressed as all get-out. Solange he hid in Garnath, right under everyone’s nose. Fiona has two. Conner’s a diplomat, says he knew you in Rebma.”

“Yup, that’s interesting.”

“Isn’t it? Her daughter Brita could kick the ass of your average Triton, and she paints trumps to boot.”

“Tritons don’t have asses, son.”

“And she showed up with her tutor, Reid. He’s Osric’s son.”

“This time you are shitting me.”

“I have not shit you yet.”

“This is gonna be a long night. That’s nine. Keep going. Tell me about Flora’s daughter.”

“His name is Lucas and he’s good at having everyone underestimate him.”

“You know, I think I met him once, at one of her parties in shadow. He fooled me. He’s got kids?”

“Yeah, he’s married. The girl’s really sweet, but Christ, her mother, Lady Vesper…”

“Lady Vesper? This tall, really long face, and her hairdresser apparently used to coil ropes for a living? Oh, that’s rich. She was, as they say, ‘romantically linked’ to Eric for a while. How does she get along with his kids?”

“As little as possible, especially if they see her coming first.”

“So, who’s left?”

“Paige. Bleys’ daughter. Robin, Julian’s daughter. And then there’s Ossian. No clue whose he is, but he’s walked the Pattern. He was Brand’s student, but I try not to hold it against him … too much. If he weren’t so immersed in his ‘Art’ he could be dangerous.”

“Quite a crowd. Want me to tell you about your cousins with the Army?”

“There’s one more, Dad.”

“Well, that sounds ominous. Tell me I’m not a grandfather.”

“Not unless you’ve got another kid I don’t know about.”

“Don’t think so. So, tell me about number thirteen.”

“Her name is Folly. She says she knows you.”

“O….kay. Do you have anything stronger than coffee? ‘Cause I really need a drink now. How’d she end up here?”

“I brought her back from Texorami. Oh, yeah, almost forgot. Soren says he’s still got your skins.”

“Um. This is.” <pause> “Has she met Vialle?”

“They get along remarkably well.”

“They’re more alike than they would seem.”

“You don’t know them very well, do you Dad?”

“Hmmf. That’s as may be. Why don’t you ask me about your cousins now?”

“Tell me about my cousins, Dad.”

“I’ll just do that. Julian has two more on that side. Jovian, who came complete with a squadron of teleporting, flying, flamethrowing, telepathic, gargantuan dragons, which I hope he doesn’t intend to have perch on the battlements as they’ll be awfully rough on the statuary, and Adonis, who seems to have a little Chaos in him and to like being a fertility god.

“Then there’s Brennan, whose father was Brand. They fell out some time ago, apparently. He’ll do fine in court. Marius is Deirdre’s, another orphan. Also tres political. Navy, tied to Caine. I wonder if Conner knows him?

“Oh, this is good. Benedict has three: Dara, who you know, another daughter called Lilly, and Dara’s cousin Aisling. Aisling, we hear tell, was here, gathering information on us for her faction. Chaos’ politics, my lad, are just as screwed up as ours are. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

“And Merlin, who painted this pasteboard likeness of you. I’m glad I had it.”

“He’s a good kid. I’m glad he’s all right. Is Dara coming back?”

“Funny that. She had it out with Corwin and the answer seems to be ‘no’.”

“She’s dangerous. We haven’t heard the last of her.”

“Let’s hope you’re wrong. I don’t want to have to place armed guards on the pattern again.”

“It’s a little late for that, Dad, and anyway Dara’s not that kind of trouble.”

“You know her, I don’t. Anyway, here’s the plan. I need to have a smoke, to talk to my wife, to have another smoke, to talk to Folly, to have a drink, and then to figure out how we’re going to tell this City that there’s a new monarch in town. Unlike your Uncle, I can’t strike down my own tomb with red lightning.”

“There’s a monument you might want to consider instead.”

“Not until I’ve seen it in the daylight, son. C’mon. Is my wife still in the same quarters I had before?”

“No, they moved everyone around…It’s a long story. Christ.” <pause> “Lemme throw on some clothes and I’ll show you where she is.

<long pause, some rustling>

“Come on.”

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