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Dreams and Doubts

posted by Brenda at 01:44 PM, April 07, 2004 | Filed under : Fiction | Comments and Followups

One night, when Garrett was little…

Garrett was running as fast as his seven-year-old legs would carry him. It was hard to see in the dark and branches slapped at his face as he ran through the forest. As he approached the edge of the woods, he saw the glow. He tried to stop, but it was too late. He ran right onto the huge spider web in the clearing. The thing was massive, and it glowed silver-blue, as if it were covered with dewdrops shining in the moonlight. He knew he had to cross it to get home, but as he tried to walk, it felt like he was wading through cold molasses. His feet stuck to the strands and he could barely lift them. Every step took all his effort. The part that scared him most, though, was the hugeness of the web. The spider that made it must be a monster, and here he was, stuck in its web, unable to run. Panicked, Garrett searched the darkness, trying to see the spider before it saw him, wrapped him in its silk and ate him for supper. He started to scream.

“Mama! Mama!” Garrett sat straight up in his bed, sweat clinging to his hair.

Anna came running from the bedroom, pulling on her worn robe as she ran. “Garrett, what is it, love?” She sat beside him on his bed and scooped him into her arms. From the way he was shaking and the panicked look in his eyes, she already knew.

“It was the spider web,” he sobbed.

“Shh…” She rocked him. “That nasty old thing again.” She held him close and let him cry. “It’s all right. It was just a dream.” Garrett wrapped his arms around her neck so tight Anna thought she would choke, so she arched her shoulders to loosen his grasp. She would never tell him to let go.

When Garrett recovered a bit, Anna picked him up. “I want to show you something,” she said. He wrapped his legs around his mother’s waist and continued to cling to her neck with his arms. Anna went over to the fireplace and poked up the fire with one hand, still supporting Garrett with the other. In the brighter light, she went to a corner of the room and took one of his hands in hers. She reached up high and raked his fingers through a cobweb in the corner. “You see, sweetie, you’re much stronger than any old spider web.”

“But Mama, the other one was HUGE!” he whined.

“So is this one. I guess I need to clean tomorrow, eh?” she chuckled.

“No, REALLY huge! Bigger than the castle, even.”

“Garrett, no spider could make a web that big,” she answered calmly.

“A giant spider could.” he argued.

“Spiders don’t ever grow that big, love.”

“Are you sure?” he asked. Anna could see he was starting to regain control.

“Of course. Any spider ever made, you could squish with your boot. But I don’t recommend it. You’ll make it rain.” she joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“What if it’s a giant spider and it squishes ME?”

“Then it will rain backwards,” Anna smiled as she tucked her son back into bed.

Garrett giggled as he settled back under the quilt. Anna sat down next to him. “Mama?”

“Yes, love?”

“Are you sure there’s no spider?” he asked.

“Absolutely, positively sure,” Anna said as she kissed him on the forehead. “No spider.”

Garrett smiled faintly, but Anna could still see the tiniest hint of fear in his blue eyes. “Do you want me to sit with you until you go to sleep?” she asked. The smile grew bigger and Garrett nodded. “All right.” she said. “Close your eyes.” He did so and she began to stroke his hair, humming softly.

Anna hated this dream. Nightmares were one thing, but this particular dream was so persistent. It was so vivid and always the same. Garrett was caught in a huge, glowing spider web, fearing a monster spider that never came. He’d been having the same dream two or three times a year ever since he was small. The first few times she’d thought nothing of it, but as time went on, she began to wonder. Now, whenever it happened, it made her think of Garrett’s father. Random’s family had some kind of magic. She didn’t know exactly what was involved, but Anna wondered if the dream had something to do with that magic.

That was why Anna hated the dream so much. Not just because it terrified Garrett, although that was most of it, but because it made her ask the questions all over again. Was she doing the right thing? Most of the time, she was certain the answer was yes. But on nights like these, when she worried about missing something that might be vital to Garrett’s well-being, she doubted herself. A man, any man, ought to be told that he has a son. She longed to ask Random about the dream, along with all the other questions that had come up as Garrett grew. Random hadn’t always been rotten when she had known him. There had been times when he was decent. Maybe Random could teach Garrett what he needed to learn while Anna continued to raise him. Perhaps they could work something out.

But perhaps not, Anna reminded herself. Once Garrett’s identity was revealed, it could not be hidden again. Garrett was the son of a prince; one who was often arrogant and selfish. If Random wanted him raised in the palace, he could force Anna to give up her son, and there would be nothing she could do about it. He had all the power. All she had was Garrett. It was always that uncertainty that brought back her resolve. The risk was just too great. Anna looked at her son, now sleeping peacefully in the dimming firelight. Just the thought of losing him brought the tears again. She couldn’t lose him. She wouldn’t. The doubts were gone once again. She wouldn’t tell, at least not yet. There would be plenty of time for Random to teach him later, when Garrett was old enough to understand. Right now, he was still a little boy, and he needed love, not lessons.

Anna tucked the quilt under Garrett’s chin and kissed him once more. She stood up, tightened the robe around her and went back to her bedroom. It was just a nightmare, she told herself. She could deal with nightmares. No need to worry. She climbed back into bed next to Donovan.

“Is he all right?” Donovan asked sleepily.

“He’s fine,” said Anna softly, cuddling closer to her husband as he draped his arm around her waist. “He’s just fine,” she whispered.

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2 Comments

Arref
Apr 7, 2004 3:24 PM

Nice stuff. Thanks for sharing.

Leslie
Apr 26, 2004 3:13 PM

I really like the imagery in that one, Brenda. :)
Thanks.

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