Ain't no kryptonite in this ring tonight!

It's something of a Howling Curmudgeons Tradition to blog about Superman vs. Muhammad Ali, the superstar comic spectacular of the 70s (see here and here). So put your mouth guard in, because it's time for round three!

If you read Greg's or Mike's take on the book (or if you're lucky enough to have your own copy), you already know the plot. Just in case, though, here's a brief summary: aliens have decided that Earthmen are so fierce that we pose a danger to the galaxy. So they decide they will destroy the Earth unless our champion can defeat their champion in combat. Ali and Superman fight each other (on a red sun planet, 'natch) to determine who gets to be our champion and Ali wins. Then while Ali is fighting the alien champion (Ali wins), Superman takes on the alien armada poised to destroy the Earth (Superman doesn't win). When Ali beats the alien champion, the leader of the aliens decides to destroy the Earth anyway. This horrifies all of the other aliens, who revolt against their leader. The Earth is spared, Ali is the champ, and everyone lives happily ever after. Oh, and by the way, Ali figures out that Clark Kent is Superman.

Right about now, you're probably thinking something like "Boy, Jason, your summary makes that sound like a really bad comic." I'm sorry to say that it's not just my summary. This is a really bad comic. Where to begin?

First, there's the whole "We think you're too aggressive, so we're going to have you defend yourself in a boxing match." What kind of logic is that? That's like telling someone that you're going to punish them for being too tall unless they get something off the top shelf for you. If your concern is Earth's aggressiveness, wouldn't it be better to have some sort of peaceful contest? Maybe a poetry reading? In fairness to DC, Superman vs. Joyce Carol Oates probably wouldn't have sold as well.

Also, if you're concerned about the aggressiveness of Earthmen, why would you even consider Superman as a potential representative of Earth? The next time you want to astound your friends with the depth of your knowledge of comic book trivia, lay this fact on them: Superman isn't actually an Earthman. He's from a planet called Krypton!

And then there's the whole thing with the aliens who are willing to commit genocide if Ali loses a fair fight, but genocide after Ali wins!? Well, that's just not cricket! I suppose that makes some weird sort of sense under some oddball alien moral system, but to this Earthman reader, it made no sense whatsoever.

Finally, there's the whole "Ali figures out Superman's ID" thing. I think this is a symptom of a larger problem, which is this: real world people shouldn't appear in superhero comics. I goess they're supposed to make me think that Superman and his entourage are just as real as Ali and his entourage, but all they do is remind me that Ali is real and Superman is pretend.

In the first place, real world people are almost never drawn right. Neal Adams manages to get Ali mostly right in this book, but that's the exception. Here, Ali looks like an Adams drawing of Ali and Superman looks like an Adams drawing of Superman. Normally, though, artists use photo reference to draw real people and scribble out their usual drawing of their usual characters, and as a result, when Bill Clinton meets the Avengers, you've got seven superheroes drawn in one style and one former president drawn in a completely different style. Adams manages to avoid that trap, but he does screw up in his drawings of Ali in at least one way -- the Ali of the comic doesn't move like the real Ali. The real Ali was nimble. He moved in ways you wouldn't think a man could move. Even by the late 70s, when this comic was drawn, and notwithstanding the Rumble in the Jungle and rope-a-dope, he was still a fighter who relied more than most on avoiding blows instead of bearing them. Adams sort of gets this right when Ali fights Superman (except for the panel where Ali leads with his chin), but when Ali fights the alien, Ali is shown taking the blows.

The second problem with real world people is getting their voices right, and here, Adams is hit or miss. Ali, of course, had a very distinctive speaking style. Sometimes, Adams nails it; other times, he makes Ali sound like Generic Boxing Champion #3.

And the third problem, to bring this back around to my summary of the issue, is that real people aren't superheroes. So if you want Superman and Ali in the same book, you've either got to turn Ali into a superhero or turn Superman into a schlub. Adams does both. Superman gets beaten by Ali, then beaten by the alien armada. Meanwhile, Ali is so cool that he can not only outbox Superman, he can outbox an eight-foot tall alien who outreaches him by at least a foot. And then, to top it all off, Ali casually figures out that Clark Kent is Superman.

I suppose Ali should count his blessings -- the last real world person who found out Superman's secret identity got assassinated in Dealey Plaza. Ali just got diagnosed with a degenerative neurological disease. Here's my advice to you -- if DC ever calls and offers to write you into a story in which you figure out Superman's identity, tell them "no thank you."

Posted by Jason Fliegel at April 22, 2006 11:22 AM | TrackBack