Quick Review of this Week's New Release List (5-31-7)

Like Kobe Bryant, the Quick Review would like to demand a trade, but no other comics blog could meet our salary demands (five quality frozen pizzas a week - mmmm!).

Let's get to the comics.

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The unwashed publishing masses have a full slate for your consumption this week:

• Wave Blue World Inc. is releasing Adrenaline #4 (of 8). As usual, the Quick Review knows nothing about this comic but likes the company name suggesting Brave New World (that's not a pun or an anagram - what would you call that?).

• Ka Comics bring us Miscellaneous Adventures of Stykman #2. I'm sure that's supposed to be pronounced "stickman," but when I look at it I think "stike-man" for some reason.

• Ape Entertainment has Black Coat or Give Me Death #1 (of 4), about which we know nothing and can't really begin to guess from that title.

• They also have them some White Picket Fences #1 (of 3), about which we also know nothing, but this doesn't even sound interesting (unless Tom Skerritt shows up as the sheriff or something).

• Arcana Studio is bringing Philly #1, the first issue of a new series about a city of rabid sports fans plagued by consistently underachieving and heartbreaking teams (heh!).

• Bluewater Productions is shipping Ray Harryhausen Presents Wrath of the Titans #1 (of 4). I'd be a lot more excited about this if it were a miniseries on the Sci-Fi Channel or something, but it's hard to imagine what difference Ray Harryhausen's presenting is gonna make to a comic book (unless it's a fummeti of cheesy posed actors Photoshopped into panels with Ray's signature miniature monsters -- that I would be all over).

• They also have something called Vss Nemesis Rising #1 (of 5), which we're guessing is probably supposed to be "Vs. Nemesis Rising," although we still would have no idea what it's about.

• Broadsword Comics gives us the unbridled joy that is Tarot Witch of the Black Rose #44. I like the name of the company, but what impresses the Quick Review here is that we have a comic that has, apparently, shipped 43 previous issues (and must, we assume, therefore have a dedicated audience of some sort), and yet we have no recollection of ever having seen it or heard of it. Obviously it sounds to us like some sort of fantasy/mystical thing. The only real question is how much skin does Tarot Witch show? [Checks online] Yow! This one's for Mature Readers Only, kids.

• Dynamite Entertainment is bringing the resolicited Boys #7, which of course is about a small town that becomes isolated and overrun by boys hatched from eggs.

• Antagraphics is shipping Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Worse SC. I didn't know Antagraphics was going to be publishing Civil War collections. (*rim shot!*)

Dark Horse Comics also has a full slate this week:

• Conan Volume 4: The Hall of the Dead HC. How long until the softcover version?

• Hellboy: Darkness Calls #2. Is Mignola writing and drawing this one at least?

• Penny Arcade Volume 4: Birds are Weird TPB. Who doesn't like Penny Arcade? (Which now guarantees a minimum of at least four "I don't like Penny Arcade" comments.)

• Shaman Warrior Volume 3 TPB. Great name for a comic. It's a manga thing about "the Shaman Warriors of Kugai [...] a dying breed of disturbingly powerful, mystical killing machines" (according to the Dark Horse website). Sounds fun. Anyone here read this?

• Star Wars: 30th Anniversary Collection Volume 4--Jango Fett/Zam Wesell HC. Now there's two characters who need a collection.

• Usagi Yojimbo #103, which the Quick Review continues to endorse and recommend.

DC Comics has a short shift this week:

• Some stuff the Quick Review doesn't read or particularly care about: Action Comics #850, Blue Beetle #15, Deadman #10, Green Lantern #20, and Hawkgirl #64.

• Justice Society of America #6. Is this the last of the issues in the Legion of Super-Heroes storyline? I hope so, because the presence of the Legion aside, these League and Society issues have been insufferably dull reads.

• Teen Titans #47 and Teen Titans Go #43. Guess which one the Quick Review recommends?

Image Comics has a small lineup this week as well. In fact, nothing the Quick Review thinks is worth mentioning, but since we don't want to blank Image we'll break down and point out:

• Negative Burn #11. The Quick Review knows nothing about this title, but it has a cool name.

Marvel Comics continues their campaign of not respecting your intelligence:

• Avengers Next Rebirth TPB. Again? How many times are you gonna rebirth these guys?

• Civil War Companion TPB. Uh-huh.

• Mjolnir Hammer of Thor Prop Replica, $350.00. Three-hundred-and-fifty bucks for a toy hammer!! (I'd pay maybe ten bucks for a cool solid foam version of Mjolnir, though.)

• New Avengers Illuminati #3 (of 5). Please, I need more panels of characters sitting around talking while Tony points out that he's a futurist.

• Silver Surfer Requiem #1 (of 4). You keep using that word. I don't think it means quite what you think it means.

• Spider-Man Fairy Tales #1. This at least sounds kind of fun.

And finally, it's time for the QUICK REVIEW RANDOM COMIC SPOTLIGHT! Huzzah!

Bloodfire Studios: Intergalactic #1

The Quick Review likes most things "intergalactic," but let's see what this really is. Is it a professional-quality project by experienced peeps who know what they're about, an amateurish offering, or more manga? We'll find out.

Bloodfire Studios has a nice, professional website, which is always pleasant to discover when one is hunting down info on new titles (or at least, titles that are new to you). And even more happiness-inducing, there's a logo, link, and capsule description right on Bloodfire's front page:

WANTED! 19 year old, biogenetically altered, corporate infiltrator. Should have quick wit, penchant for getting into trouble, and short temper. Must be house trained. Sense of humor a plus.

Uniform two sizes too small and arsenal of large weapons provided.

Hmmm..."uniform two sizes too small" -- what are the odds that our 19-year-old biogenetically altered corporate infiltrator is female? Gee, I wonder. Well, let's click on the link and see how much boobage we're talking about.

A lot. What a surprise. Also, more info:

A soldier; a spy; an assassin; a shopaholic, Alyssia Sentropy is the best killing machine money can buy. The future is ugly, slimy, laden in advertising, and filled with scumbags. It's Alyssia's job to deal with the run of the mill space pirates, hover-bike gangs, and interdimensional flesh-eating carnival slugs, but her job just got more interesting. Now's she's faced with an ancient and supernatural cult of assassins as dark and powerful as the depths of a supermassive black hole, and they've got a thing for seeing her dead...

As opposed to the teeny black holes one normally encounters. Anyway, it sounds fun enough if (a) it rises above its Buffy-riffing roots, (b) the writer is actually funny (the law of averages dictates: probably not), and (c) it rises above the collection of standard space opera clichés mentioned here (the law of averages further dictates: probably not). Still, you never know.

They have twelve pages from the first issue online here. The painted art is very, very nice. And while Alyssia shows plenty of cleavage and her midriff, she's otherwise fully clothed (meaning: she's actually wearing full pants and not bikini bottoms or a thong, which, sadly, makes her costume practically conservative by modern American comic book standards).

Also sadly, the thumbnail pages are small and not easily read. I did the squint and get my face up close to the screen for a few minutes but that got old real fast. Anyway, typical first-person narrative captioning is used, the dialogue is trying to be funny but not everyone can be Joss Whedon (or even Peter David), but otherwise it seems to read well enough. Opens with your standard "hero gets the drop on some scumbags and kills some to demonstrate how badass he/she is" scene (only a little weakly-staged action here, though) followed by your standard exposition dump to establish the story world. After that she goes (via a red sixties-era convertible that can fly through space) to what appears to be her mentor, more info dumping, talk talk talk.

Anyway, the whole thing looks professionally done, has very nice artwork, but nothing about the setting, story, or characters jumps out at me. Still, this may hit the sweet spot for some of you, so if it sounds interesting, check it out.

And that's it for the Quick Review this week. As always, let us know what you think, what you know, and what you like (or don't like).

Yeah, Let's Complain About the Mary Jane Statue...

Meanwhile, the ad for the Justice League of America action figures in the first issue of Brave and Bold (Apr 07) shows Vixen being, er, assisted from behind by Black Lightning. Well, okay, not really, but seriously, look at the expression on their faces, the postions of their hands and the position of their hips.

(I asked a female co-worker, and she said both Vixen and Black Canary looked like sluts, though I don't see it in Dinah's case. Vixen, however, is showing more cleavage than Salma Hayek, but my co-worker definitely agreed with me about Vixen and Black Lightning. If you look at Superman behind Black Canary, the offset is enough that it doesn't quite look like the same thing is going on. I'm just glad it was Black Lighting and Vixen and not Speedy and Black Canary. That would be wrong.)

(Addendum. I asked two male co-workers. They didn't spot it immediately, but when I pointed it out to him, they burst out laughing, also mentioning the look on Black Lightning's face and Vixen's breasts.)

Sunday Song Lyric

Another Sunday, another lyric. Where does the time go?

Last week, the discussion about feminism was hot and heavy and I promised you a lyric by a woman. The discussion has mostly moved on, but feminism is always timely, so let's look at a female musician.

In terms of pop music, women are relatively rare. Of course, there are the divas and pop princesses, but rock, rap, and hip-hop are dominated by men. In some respects, it's like comics. Indeed, all of the songs we've profiled thus far have been by men. The closest we've come to a song by a female artist is the Arcade Fire song we did a few weeks ago -- Win Butler is the driving force behind that band, but his wife Régine Chassagne is an important and integral part of the band.

But there are women making good music out there. Patti Smith (not to be confused with Patty Smyth) is a favorite of mine. So are the Muffs, the Excessories, the Chubbies, and the Donnas, all of which are either all-girl or girl-driven bands.

Today, we're going to talk about Candypants, a pop punk band led by Lisa Jenio. Jenio has been kicking around the L.A. music scene for more than a decade. Interestingly, she also had a two-year stint as an editor for Larry Flynt Publications, which ties into the whole "what if I told you that pornographic image was created by a woman!?" discusion.

Jenio is the lead singer and songwriter of Candypants, and she's one of the most clever songwriters I've ever heard. That cleverness is definitely front and center on songs like "Sweet Judy Blume Eyes" (about dispelling adolescent notions of romance) and "Attila the Honey" (written from the perspective of a Roman victim of the pillaging hordes). But it permeates every song on the band's one and only album. Click though to this link to get to Candypants' myspace page where you can listen to four of their tracks. But before you do that, here are the lyrics to one of their songs:

Nerdy Boys
Candypants

He goes 40 on the freeway
He plans his day 'round eBay
He'd rather watch Discovery Channel than an instant replay
Steve Jobs is his swami
He folds like origami
I want to bite his pencil neck and make him cry for mommy

Just four little eyes and I'm weak in the knees
I want to live his junior high fantasies
Just one giant brain and I'm his unopened toy
I'm just a sucker for a nerdy boy

He thinks DNA is pretty
CGI makes him giddy
He'll only listen to the mono version of Surf City
He smells like Hai Karate
Says Mulder wasn't dotty
I want to rip the clothes right off his ectomorphic body

Just four little eyes and I'm weak in the knees
I want to live his junior high fantasies
Just one giant brain and I'm his unopened toy
I'm just a sucker for a nerdy boy

His high water pants
The way he can't dance
If he wants romance
I say beam me up

You're suave and attaching,
Your socks are always matching
If you want me, better hope myopia is catching
'Cause I don't want an athlete
I tingle for a mathlete
He can count on me to give his head the loving that it needs

Just four little eyes and I'm weak in the knees
I want to live his junior high fantasies
Just one giant brain I'm his collectable toy
I am a sucker for a nerdy boy
For a nerdy boy
I want a nerdy boy
A dirty nerdy boy

(spoken)
Why don't you take off those tighty-whities?
No, I don't think your butt looks pasty.
It reminds me of the sands of Tattooine
These sheets are very unusual -- is any part of you bionic?
Ooh!
Oh!
(pant)
(pant)
(pant)
(pant)
(cough)
(cough)
I think I need to borrow your inhaler!

Wait a Second, "Foxtrot" Ends and That Disrupts the Comics Page?

So a newspaper in Virginia is trying to whether to keep Rex Morgan or Doonesbury. They don't want to move Mike, Zonker and the gang to the op ed page because it would reflect a political bias. My solution after reading the story is to report less celebrity news.

But the real issue here it that Bill Amend is an incredible wuss. He stopped the daily grind back in Decmeber voluntarily, so the newspaper is going to drop a strip that shows the true spirit of comics creation? Rex Morgan and Doonesbury are decades long experiences in the tradition of Peanuts and Krazy Kat and Beetle Baily and B.C. Fine, a whippersnapper like Amend retires. Give the spot to some punk kid, but don't remove Doonesbury or Rex Morgan.

What kind of a world is this?

I just read Brian K Vaughan's and Marcos Martin's recent Dr. Strange miniseries, which is out now in trade paperback. It's a decent story -- not great, but an enjoyable enough read. There were a few continuity moments which got my inner nerd riled up -- like the reference to something that has "killed every Sorcerer Supreme since the 1500s who has faced it." Hey, Vaughan -- do you think he was called "the Ancient One" because he was 75 years old? Just how many Sorcerers Supreme do you think there have been in the last 500 years?

But I digress. Continuity goofs like that I can live with. What I don't like are things that undermine the fictional underpinnings of the Marvel Universe.

I'm talking about Night Nurse

For those who don't know, Night Nurse was a comic Marvel publised for about 4 issues back in the early 70s. It was basically a medical drama about three women who work as nurses on the night shift at a New York hospital.

Flash forward 30 years and Brian Bendis decides that what the Marvel Universe really needs is a secret clinic where all the superheroes go to get patched up after their fights. He introduces this concept in Daredevil, and others pick up on it. The Vaghan/Martin mini, for example, begins with a scene showing Arana and Iron Fist comiserating over their injuries in Night Nurse's waiting room.

I put Night Nurse in the same category as Damage Control and Civil War's central conceit of registering and licensing all the superheroes. Damage Control was a fun little book about a consturction company that repairs the damage caused by superhero battles. As a standalone humor book, it was cute. But recently, creators have started integrating it into the Marvel Universe proper.

As a logical matter, it makes sense that governments would try to get contro over superheroes, or that superhero battles would lead to collateral damage, or that after a fight, Daredevil might need to seek medical attention. But in terms of creating a fictional universe in which exciting stories can be told, it's ridiculous. It overburdes the setting with a patina of verisimilitude at the expense of the genre. Are superheroes really supposed to be about filling out insurance forms?

Norrin Radd Would Have Crushed the British at Lexington and Concord

From the Hoax, dream, imaginary story, what-if or real? category...

I asume I am the last person in the world to hear about the last person in the blogosphere to learn about the Silver Surfer quarters which are not counterfeit, but altered US Coins, which makes the people eligible for five years in federal prison as opposed to the ten to fifteen you get for counterfeiting.

As I said, I only just found out about this, and the links on the story page didn't tell me anything, not that I checked that hard, so does anybody know anything more? And is there any chance that Avi Arad is going to Terre Haute?

(And most importantly, is this even true? I find it hard to believe even a comics company or a movie company could be this dumb... Well, actually, I find it all too easy to believe they could be that dumb, but I still find this particular story hard to believe.)

I Thought Celebrand was an Excellent Leader

Thursday night "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip" returned, sans the male leads and the the female lead. This choice of episode might have been wise in the middle of the season, but as a return from -- well let us say "hiatus" -- it is mystifying.

Who did they replace Matthew Perry, star of "Friends," Bradley Whitford, one of the main stars of the good years of "The West Wing," and Amanda Peet, whose main attribute is sex appeal so who cares with? Allison Janney, whom I adore, but who has no business trying to carry a show, as that same series "The West Wing" showed in its later years.

But I digress, I got to wondering, have any comics taken a similar tact of preseting something with a familiar title but lacking familiar elements?

Obviously many of the characters in the Silver Age sort of fit this bill, but the Flash and GL didn't really claim to be the same guys, and they brought back the old guys evetually, though I assume Matt, Danny and Jordan will also be back.

My choice is The Wanderers comic book, which for reasons kniwn only to Doug Moench and God chose to start the first issue by killing the anderers and resurrecting them as clones sans Celebrand the leader of the group. Why? If you like the characters and you want to write a book about them do it. If you don't but want to write about new characters, do that.

Apparently these guys wanted to write about new characters who were vaguely similar to old characters and thought they were they the old characters. Huh? In any event, I just think this was a weird episode to come from hiatus with.

Superhero Geek Post #214

How about a little old school Usenet-style time-killing geekery on a lazy Friday afternoon?

Here are the rules: Don't read all of the instructions all the way through before following them. There's no trick to this or twist at the end, you'll just spoil what fun there is to be had with this (if any). Get a piece of paper and a writing implement ready.

First, I want you to think of five or six superhero characters you like and write 'em down -- the first five or six you think of (doesn't have to be your favorites). Just write 'em down right now.

Second, think of five or six superhero characters you don't particularly care about or mildly dislike (not your least favorites or characters you hate, just sort of blah characters to you) and write 'em down. Again, don't sit back and analyze this, just write down the first five or six that pop into your head.

So what's the point of all this?

Suppose that these were the characters who were going to compromise the lineups for two new team books. Who ended up on each team? Were they all male characters? All Marvel characters? All DC characters? Are there any non-Marvel/DC characters on your teams?

Which team has the more interesting mix of characters for a team book? Do any interesting story possibilities jump out at you? And what, if anything, do you think your two lineups reveal about your psyche and your relationship with your parents? (Note: Last question optional.)

That's it. Tell us what you came up with.

I Happen to Like These Characters

An early issue of Spider-man ended with Peter and Betty Brant cuddled tgether in the Daily Bugle offices, and a little note from Stan Lee saying that they're trying to be realistic, so Spider-,man will win a few on occasion. This approach was, of course, abandoned in favor of making Peter Parker into Charlie Brown, but I was thinking of this while watching television the last couple nights.

Veronica Mars and Lost both kicked their characters around like a red-headed step child in their season finales. At least with Lost, I know they have a few seasons left, but on VM, that was it. I like these characters. I don't want to see them beaten savagely by fate. Seinfeld was the same way. The last episode told its viewers that Seinfeld and the gang were just bad people. I didn't watch it regularly, but I did watch enough to know that they were not any worse than anyone else on the show. Additionally, the viewers didn't think they were bad people or they would not have been watching throughout the years.

The season finale of Lost was a wonderful episode, really, but it kind of struck me as a Marvel What If scenario. That got me thinking, are not modern comics doing the same thing? Greg used to be fond of stating the precept that "Every character is somebody's favorite" particularly in regards to the TMK LSH issues, but I don't think that's so much the problem. The issue is not so much that I like Wildfire and TMK hated him. The issue is that nobody came off well in TMK, except Tenzil, and I did not really hate any of them. Sunboy - killed. S. Erin - turned into a transsexual stalker. Blok - Killed. Tomber Wolf - deformed. Cos - crippled. Tellus - Dark circle member. Et cetera.

At that point they've acquired quite the body count. It's not that Tellus and Sun Boy were particular favorites. It's that I didn't hate them either, so I don't really get any pleasure watching them suffer.

Or JMS's Spider-man. Gwen Stacy is dead, but that wasn't enough. Nooooo. We have to turn her into the mistress of the Green Goblin. That's somewhat muted by Peter Parker's now traditional Charlie Brown karma.

Or how about Tony Stark? He's now turned into Dennis Miller.

And over in Superman apparently the Joker is meant to be targetting Jimmy Olsen. Why would the Joker do that? More importantly, why would someone who does not hate the characters want to read about the Joker doing that?

I guess what I'm saying here is I'd like to see things get evened out a little.

On the Ending of Stories, and the Packaging Thereof

Via Rick Jones, Jennifer "She-Hulk" Walters tells Tony off.

Perhaps Marvel is not entirely ignorant of law and morality and good sense. Perhaps they've known since the exile of the Hulk and the beginning of Civil War that Tony Stark was evil and needed to be stopped.

Perhaps the only problem is that they suck at packaging. Because, of course, the story packaging told us Civil War was over and settled and new stories were beginning, when in fact Civil War is still going on.

One clue to this, I suppose, was Civil War #7, the putative end, which was barely cognizable as an ending in a storytelling sense, and that largely because "last issue of the series" says "ending".

I suppose being merely incompetent instead of stupid, grossly offensive, and incompetent is an achievement of sorts, the triumph of low expectations.

That's one way to change the subject from the Mary Jane statue ...

This is the cover for Heroes for Hire #13:

Wow. Just ... wow.

Apparently, the lesson Marvel drew from the popularity of manga in Japan was "American comics need more tentacle rape!"

Now, If Only Some of the Comics Bloggers Would Read This

This story encapsulates what I think of most web-based comics discussion... And as an added bonus, the trailer for this summer''s sure fire blockbuster:

Quick Review of this Week's New Release List (5-23-7)

Before we get to the Quick Review proper, I'd like to give a shout out to everyone who commented on last week's Quick Review -- thanks, guys! And keep 'em coming. The Quick Review is powered by love -- or insults, we'll take either one (we're not proud). By contributing comments to the Quick Review, you make the world a better comic book place.

Let's get biz-ay...

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As we walk in fields of indy comics gold:

• A & J Books brings us the Field Guide to Midwest Monsters GN. "Monsters?" I thought, my mental ears perking up. It turns out, not so much -- replace "monsters" with "weird shit some dudes made up (and drawn in kind of an early Slug Signorino style)." I'll be giving this one a wide berth.

• AC Comics releases Best of the West #60. If I read AC's website right correctly, they appear to have acquired the rights to a whole posse o' cowboys and cowgals published in the past by a herd o' publishers, in part to "keep this genre alive as a part of American heritage." I wouldn't call myself a fan of Western anything, but I think this is a darn-tootin' fine idea (and since they're up to issue #60, I guess people buy it). Yee-haw!

• Antarctic Press gives the world Final Girl #1 (of 5). I guess she becomes more final as the miniseries gets closer to the end (and would the alternate title for this be "X: the Last Girl?").

• AP is also releasing Gold Digger #85. And in its second volume no less (although I can't tell from the AP website if, in fact, eighty-five issues of Gold Digger have in fact been published). The Quick Review, naturally, has no idea what this is about -- it looks like it started out as kind of a Foglio-does-furry thing but now looks to be justanother Amerimanga title (with standard human Amerimanga characters).

• Speaking of Gold Digger, this week also bears witness to the arrival of Gold Digger Peebo Tales Summer Fun Special #1, and Gold Digger Swimsuit Special 2007. I didn't realize anyone was still doing swimsuit specials (maybe they can do a comiquette statue too). It also occurs to me that a Summer Fun Special and a Swimsuit Special is kind of redundant, since, presumably, summer fun would involve swimsuits. Still, if cheesecake Amerimanga is your bag, AP appears to have a double-dose for you this week.

• Black Coat Press brings us Zembla Vol 1 TPB. I'm guessing this is a collection of material from some Euro comic. "An orphan is raised by lions and become king of the Jungle." Now, I could get behind this if they did a comic where Zembla leads his army of lions against Tarzan and his army of apes. Then they could team up and fight their real enemy, Honkor, an elephant who was raised by humans and becomes their leader.

• Continuity is realsing Neal Adams Sketches SC. Neal is still a great artist and still thinks the Earth is expanding (of course, what makes Neal fun is that he's so darned whacky about it).

• Devils Due Publishing falls in with GI Joe Special Missions Brazil. Hmmm...I wonder what "special mission" Joe might have in Brazil... (imagines the incredibly not safe for work "Phat Booty Brazil" website)

• IDW Publishing is bringing out Legend of Grimjack Vol 7 TPB. So I collected the first 30 or 40 issues of the original Grimjack comic. I don't think anything worth reading happened after that, did it?

• Sanctum Productions brings us Doc Savage Double Novel Vol 6 and Shadow Double Novel Vol 7. Are these reprints of old pulp novels?

• TwoMorrows Publishing is throwing down with Back Issue #22. This is the one with the big Levitz/Giffen interview about the Legion (Giffen: "Man, between the end of the old Baxter series and v.4, did I fuck up the Legion or what? I am a golden death god!").

• Virgin Comics gets funky with Devi #11, Snakewoman Special Collectors Edition #0, and Walk-In #6. I haven't read any of these and they look pretty weird. I'm not really grokking Virgin's strategy here, unless it's to sell the movie rights for some of these to Ballywood.

Dark Horse Comics has a few choice offerings for us this week:

• Outer Orbit #4. "Orbit" sounds astronaut-ish, which I dig. Let's see what this is: "In space, no one can hear you scream . . . or belch, or swear, or cry like a little girl when you're about to be taken down by merciless interstellar bounty hunters who want that mysterious idol you swiped from that hot chick who inexplicably gave you the tip of a lifetime (if you know what I mean) when you showed up at the wrong hotel room with the pizza delivery." In other words, welcome to Trying-too-Hard-to-be-Funny-while-Trotting-out-a-Bunch-of-Cliches Theater.

• Star Wars Legacy #12. Star Wars, nothing but Star Waaaaars, duh-duh-duh-duh!

DC Comics has cut a swath of destruction through the forests of deepest, darkest Canada to bring you:

• Birds of Prey #106. I wonder if any of the ladies in this issue will be bending over in a suggestive manner to pick articles of clothing out of strategically placed laundry baskets.

• Encyclopedia Of Comicbook Heroes Vol 1 Batman TPB. As mentioned by Jason here.

• Hellblazer #232. Damn, 232! I find the character insufferable after about 23 pages, never mind 232 issues. So is this the longest-running non-Action or Detective Comics title DC currently has?

• Ninja Scroll #9. Ninjas, nothing but ninjaaaaaas, duh-duh-duh-duh!

• The Other Side TPB. I wonder if this is a dramatization of the 2003 Billy Ray Cyrus album.

• Supergirl and the Legion of Super Heroes #30. With Waid leaving the book, can't we just cancel this car wreck and bring back the Legion I want? I feel this a completely fair and reasonable position.

• Superman Batman Vs Aliens Predators TPB. Batman and Superman? Fighting Aliens and Predators? Boooooooring. How about Superman and Batman vs. the creepy little ghost chick from The Grudge? Or a drunk, super-powered Andy Rooney?

• Wonder Woman Lynda Carter Statue, $195.00. Yes, just what I need on my mantle -- a $200 statue of Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman. (Although...is she bending over a laundry basket?)

• Young Magician Vol 8. Is this that annoying "Mary Sue" Tim Hunter character?

Image Comics cuts a somewhat smaller swath to bring us:

• Coyote Vol 5 TPB. This volume apparently wraps up the original Englehart Coyote run.

• Dynamo 5 #3. Still haven't seen issue #2 anywhere.

• Elephantmen #9. Some sort of "furry noir" thing, by the looks of it (possibly comedic).

• Godland #18. The first several issues were some of the most un-Kirby-like Kirby riffing I've ever seen in my life. Don't know if it got any better later.

• Gutsville #1 (of 6). When I first saw this listed I thought it said "Glutesville," which I think would have been funnier. Anyway, it's apparently about the descendents of a ship that was swallowed by some gigantic leviathan, and apparently they have built a little town inside the beast. Interesting premise at least.

• Loaded Bible 2 Blood of Christ (One Shot). Jesus fighting vampire zombies in a post-apocalyptic world. I know you think you're being clever when you come up with something like this...but you're really not.

• Savage Dragon Archives Vol 2 TPB. I have never read an issue of Savage Dragon. All I know is he has a big fin on his head and he's a cop.

• Unique #3 (of 3). Shouldn't "Unique" be a one-shot?

Meanwhile, Marvel Comics cuts an even bigger (and more profane) swath of destruction, etc., to bring you:

• Captain America #26. I hope Carnage gets to be the new Cap (I mean really, who gives a fuck at this point, so why the hell not?).

• Criminal #6. Another comic about Tony Stark?

• Doctor Strange Oath TPB. "I swear I had nothing to do with Civil War -- honest!"

• Fantastic Four #546. I am currently endorsing this title and encourage all fans of good superhero team books to pick it up.

• Heroes for Hire #10. Maybe they can do a special issue of this where all the hot chicks on the team bend over at once and Adam Hughes' head explodes.

• Irredeemable Ant-man #8. Maybe he can be the next Cap if Carnage isn't available.

• Marvel Adventures Iron Man #1. As mentioned previously by some of our loyal commenters, here's your Iron Man comic in which Iron Man's still a hero and Tony Stark isn't a villain. Ah, those were the days...

• Marvel Adventures Iron Man #1 (Special Pricing), $1.00. I'd certainly rather pay a buck -- what do you have to do to get the special pricing?

• Red Prophet Tales of Alvin Maker #7 (of 12). An adaptation of the Orson Scott Card series, I bet. I wonder if Alvin has magic glasses.

• She-Hulk 2 #18. I'm still so chagrined with Avengers: Initiative that I'm leaning toward dropping this book. Also, the series as a whole seems to have lost steam during its Civil War crossover phase.

• Wisdom #6 (of 6). Cheeky British guy hunts fairies.

• X-Men #199. Occasionally when I read Astonishing X-Men, I wonder what in the world is going on in the other x-books. But honestly, I'm afraid to look.

• X-Men 3 Movie Professor X Bust, $70.00. You know, what would really look good in my living room is a $70 statue of Professor X. It's only a bust though, so, sadly, he won't be bending over anything.

And it's time once again for the Quick Review Random Comic Spotlight. This week the lucky winner is...

AIT/Planet Lar: Homeless Channel, GN.

The helpful AIT/Planet Lar website says:

When Darcy Shaw starts a twenty-four hour cable network called The Homeless Channel, she thinks she's got everything figured out. But confronted with an unexpected romance, a sibling out on the streets, and corporate sponsors who think they know what's best for her network, Darcy starts to wonder which is more important: saving the world or saving herself. Check out Matt Silady's intriguing debut graphic novel.

Sounds pretty interesting, and apparently the artwork combines photography with conventional comic book illustration.

That's all the time we have this week. As always, let us know what you think, what we missed, and if you've recently bent over anything in a manner that would offend anyone. Now if you'll excuse me, I seem to have dropped my mouse and I'm not wearing any pants...

That Mary Jane Statue, Part 43

Newsarama has an article on reaction to the Mary Jane statue, which has now apparently crossed over from the blogosphere to the mainstream media. It's like our own four-color version of the U.S. Attorney Firing Scandal! The Newsarama story also includes an interview with Adam Hughes, who designed the statue.

How does he do it!?

Newsarama's previewing some of DC's August solicits and I came across this one (emphasis added):

52: THE COVERS HC
Written by various
Art and cover by J.G. Jones
Acclaimed artist J.G. Jones delivered on what seemed to be an impossible task -- 52 consecutive, weekly covers for 52, DC Comics' biggest project of 2006 -- and he delivered in incredible fashion!
Now, readers can enjoy every one of these stunning covers in one volume, complete with commentary by the artist, thumbnail sketches, background information and more. Also included are the covers Jones created for the novel and four 52 collections.
Advance-solicited; on sale October 31
7.0625" x 10.875" • 128 pg, FC, $19.99 US

A cover a week!? Dear god -- that's 4 pages a month! 5 pages in four months! Truly, he is a modern day Jack Kirby.

Superheroine Advertising

Via most of the known universe, Contex. In case you hadn't seen it yet.

Sunday Song Lyric

Given all of the talk about feminism, I should be showcasing a song by a woman ... but alas, the press of current events means that will have to wait until next week.

This week's lyric is inspired by two recent events. The first is that I just finished watching season two of the Venture Brothers on DVD. That show is just increidbly awesome for about eight jillion reasons -- one of which is that it cast David Bowie as a supervillain with Iggy Pop and Klaus Nomi as his sidekicks. Note to the uninitiated -- the comments are starting to get into SPOILERS for the Venture Brothers. You have been warned.

Klaus Nomi! How cool is that!? Who the heck even remembers Klaus Nomi -- let alone has the brilliance to recognize that he should be an animated adventure show villain? The geniuses behind the Venture Brothers -- that's who!

But I'm not giving you a Klaus Nomi lyric this week because of our second current event -- tomorrow is the season finale of Heroes. Who will live? Who will die? Will saving the cheerleader save the world? Will Hiro be able to save Ando? Will Sylar and Peter confront each other? Will Nikki find Micah? Will we get to see Candace's true body (and do we want to)?

I don't have the answers to any of those questions, but I do have some lyrics for you inside the jump:

Heroes
David Bowie

I
I will be king
And you
You will be queen
Though nothing will
Drive them away
We can beat them
Just for one day
We can be Heroes
Just for one day

And you
You can be mean
And I
I'll drink all the time
'Cause we're lovers
And that is a fact
Yes we're lovers
And that is that

Though nothing
Will keep us together
We could steal time
Just for one day
We can be Heroes
For ever and ever
What d'you say

I wish you could swim
Like the dolphins
Like dolphins can swim
Though nothing
Will keep us together
We can beat them
For ever and ever
Oh we can be Heroes
Just for one day

I
I will be king
And you
You will be queen
Though nothing
Will drive them away
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be us
Just for one day

I
I can remember
Standing
By the wall
And the guns
Shot above our heads
And we kissed
As though nothing could fall
And the shame
Was on the other side
Oh we can beat them
For ever and ever
Then we can be Heroes
Just for one day

We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
We can be Heroes
Just for one day
We can be Heroes
We're nothing
And nothing will help us
Maybe we're lying
Then you better not stay
But we could be safer
Just for one day

Oops, Forgot to Check...

The TV on DVD website this past week or so, and there's been a bunch of news. Two new Dr. Who releases, the second incomplete season of The Tick, info on Banacek, one of my personal favorite detectives, the Isis release (which puts her before Xena and Wonder Woman, which I suppose is true, since she's in the Egyptian pantheon), Josie and the Pussycats, and Heroes, with a couple oddities. (The graphic novels aren't included?) They even changed Wonder Woman's costume for the Superfriends release.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled feminism discussion. Here, I'll kick things off:

So, who has better legs? Josie or Isis?

Another country heard from on the topic of feminism

Offered without comment because ... really, what could I add?

Two Points, or Shanna the She-Dilemma

Point the first: Some of the statue's defenders are complaining that "most" of the complaints are coming from people who don't read superhero comics. I'm like, look: Here's the mass audience superhero comics lost years ago, and they're telling you exactly why they don't read superhero comics.

Point the second: A nerd culture girl friend of mine was telling me about her arguments with nerd culture guys, who were defending things like Clyde Caldwell paintings and Frank Cho pinups and the like. She concluded "Most guys don't want to hear that women are turned off by porn culture."

Now that threw me, because I draw my line at pre-feminist symbols, and tend to consider the near-porn stuff relatively harmless. And I just made the categorical statement that exploitative imagery cannot make a competent female action hero lead counter-feminist, which is basically an overt defense of a big chunk of (in those terms) porn culture.

So now I have to think some more. I think I can still carve out a line between counter-feminism and porn culture, but it's going to be based on defining feminism so that it doesn't address sexual behavior except in the same terms that it addresses other behavior, and then separately treating sexual behavior as an inherent property of the human.

But, yeah. Even if Zedwoman is a profoundly feminist book, with a lead who's a competent, independent woman with a career and a healthy and functional set of relationships with both men and women, maybe all that doesn't matter if the book is drawn in a purely good-girl style and the lead character makes porn face in every other panel.

Update: I left out a good line from my friend: "What makes the work feminist or anti/counter/etc. is the patterns." You look at the genre or the entire oeuvre of the artist as much or more than you do the individual work to find the patterns that tell you what the work is saying.

Well, He Also Did "Another 48 Hours"

Apparently Thomas Jane has backed ouut of The Punishermovie. But what I find more surprising is that theyare having trouble finding a director even though Walter Hill wanted the job.

Gronk.

He's not Ridley Scott or James Cameron, but this seems like the project he was born to do. He's also an established director. I'm not sure I believe the story, however.

Bugf@*! Insane

DC is apparently re-releasing Michael Fleisher's 1976 Encyclopedia of Comic Book Heroes. Volume 1 (Batman) comes out next week; volume 2 (Wonder Woman) is due in July. Those of you who read Previews and keep up on these sorts of things probably already knew this, but it was news to me. I imagine the Superman volume (aka the Great Superman Book) will be re-released in the fall.

Fleisher had planned 5 additional volumes -- one on Captain Marvel, Plastic Man and the Spirit; one on Green Lantern; one on the Flash; one on Captain America, Sub-Mariner and the Human Torch; and one on Dr. Fate, Hawkman, Starman and the Spectre. As far as I'm aware, none of those were ever written, and I wouldn't expect to see them released now.

A Claim of Inherent Feminism

Something got said repeatedly during the statue discussion, "There's worse in the comics every day".

I don't agree with that, and here's why, in conveniently oversimplified aphoristic form:

A female action hero lead who is believably competent cannot be counter-feminist, even if she is also portrayed in a sexualized manner for a male audience.

A female action hero sidekick can be counter-feminist, if she's sidekicking a male and acts in a deferential manner in traditional pre-feminist roles to him. I'm not sure I know of any (Jade in Rayner Green Lantern, perhaps), but it is certainly a theoretical possibility.

Or take Pamela Anderson in Barb Wire; she's not believably competent, although she's probably just exploitative, not counter-feminist.

Now, there have been many occasions when Diana Prince, Wonder Woman's alter ego, has been portrayed as profoundly deferential and eager to cling to traditional pre-feminist roles. I don't think that disproves my thesis, because it's clear that Wonder Woman herself is profoundly feminist.* Prince herself is a role designed to fit genre requirements, in this case, the Clark Kent style of secret identity, which in a pre-feminist time is a woman with deeply pre-feminist characteristics.

*Although one can probably find evidence of anything, including stereotypical pre-feminist behavior from Wonder Woman, in Kanigher's work.

I'm not going to claim to be an expert in pre-feminist female action heroes (paging Jess Nevins), but I would expect that many of them (e.g. Phantom Lady) follow the Wonder Woman model of a traditionally pre-feminist secret identity as a disguise for a typical (and therefore inherently feminist) action hero: "Oh, I feel faint" as an excuse to slip away and swing into action. Others (e.g. Liberty Belle) are prototypically feminist in both identities.

Nuances of pre-feminist action heroes are somewhat beside the point, however, which is a hypersexualized portrayal is not sufficient to make something counter-feminist, and in particular, most female characters in superhero comics are in roles which directly cut against their being counter-feminist despite their sexualized portrayal.

N.b. I use pre-feminist in this context to mean the period and society in which women were expected to be subservient and deferential to men, and were confined to narrowly circumscribed roles like secretary and housewife, and specifically the conditions that prevailed prior to second-wave feminism.

Quick Review of this Week's New Release List (5-16-7)

As some of you may have heard, new comics will be available for sale this week in comic book shops all across this great continent of ours.

While your hearts are filled with the soaring wonder of it all, let's take a look at some of the comics in question...

(By the way, I encourage more of you to tell us about comics you read mentioned in the Quick Review, particularly if it's a title I say that I know nothing about -- which, as you know, is most of them. And be sure to point out worthy releases that I fail to mention here as well.)

=========================================

• Avatar Press has all sorts of Lady Death merchandise heading your way. I think they should produce a straight-to-Cinemax Lady Death movie.

• They're also releasing something called "Warren Ellis, Black Gas #2" -- which I guess is the story of Warren, a greasy pepperoni pizza, and some cheap American beer (hey, I've been there, man).

• Basement Comics / Amryl Entertainment brings us "Cavewoman Reloaded Sp Ed #4." Sounds like some Neanderthal chick gets dropped into the Matrix (which would actually have been more entertaining than what we got). So what are the odds that Cavewoman is smoking hot and bears no resemblance whatsoever to an actual caveperson? Yeah, that's what I thought. (BTW, I like how the artist drew her wearing, uh, invisible heels -- photo reference is great guys, but come on.)

• Biblio Distribution: Up, Up, and Oy Vey!: How Jewish History, Culture, and Values Shaped the Comic Book Superhero by Simcha Weinstein. "Up, Up, and Oy Vey" is pretty good, although not as good as Marc Singer's "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel, I Made You Out of Hate." But seriously, this has the potential to be a very interesting and useful reference if you're into superhero comic book history (hopefully the author won't demand we read Thomas Schatz again ;-). I'll be interested to hear what folks think about Weinstein's book.

• Boom! Studios (I've decided the exclaimation point really annoys me) has a couple things coming out this week about which, as usual, I know nothing: "Hero Squared Ongoing #6" and "Left on Mission #1."

• Borderlands Press is releasing the Virgin TPB. I think it's nice that someone made a comic about my high school years (thank God for college).

• Chronicle Books is releasing the Japanese Schoolgirl Inferno TPB. This conjures up a whole host of mental images, all of them fun (and mostly inappropriate).

Dark Horse Comics is bringing a little funk and a dash of noise this week:

• BPRD Garden of Souls #3 (of 5). Endorsed by Ralf Haring.

• Conan #40. I think I'm behind a TPB on this series too.

• A whole buncha Gloomy Bear t-shirts.

• Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic Vol 2: Flashpoint TPB. I have learned that the KOTOR comic book doesn't use the same characters as in the great BioWare computer RPG, but is set some time before the game and, at least initially, uses some of the same settings.

When the police come to arrest DC Comics they'll be listening to dance...music...

• Action Comics #849. Is Airwave still around? Airwave would be a good character to kill off in one of these big company events.

• All Star Batman and Robin #5. I guess it's a small blessing that Miller and Lee can only get this thing out once every eight months or whatever it's been.

• Aquaman Sword of Atlantis #52. By the power of Damp Skull!

• Army @ Love #3. Marc has written an excellent post on Army@Love.

• Batman #665. Have we seen any evidence that Morrison's Batman actually has a hairy chest? Personally, I bet the modern DC version of Batman waxes.

• Countdown #50. Oh dear God, not another weekly big company event (and I don't care if Paul Dini is the "event runner")! How long before Marvel jumps on this cash cow and comes up with one of their own?

• Some stuff I have no comment on: Ex Machina #28; Fables #61; Flash The Fastest Man Alive #12.

• Justice League of America #9. Are we getting closer to the return of the Good ol' Legion? That's all I wanna know.

• Legion of Super Heroes In The 31st Century #2. Based on the cartoon version of the Legion. I'm actually not all that fond of the cartoon, to be honest.

Image Comics brings us its new releases on this tidal wave of young blood:

• Bastard Samurai Vol I TPB New Ptg. He's not just a samurai, he's a bastard about it! I'm there.

• City of Heroes #19. That reminds me: So Blizzard (or Vivendi, most likely) has licensed the rights to do a World of Warcraft comic book to TokyoPop. Personally, I think it's a property that would have been better served by the full-color, bigger glossy pages approach, but it's clear that Blizzard/Vivendi want the property to retain an air of coolness and that they want to leverage the IP with a younger audience. Sadly, that no longer means our traditional comic books. (Ah, how did we get from the Star Wars tabloid to this?)

• Occult Crimes Taskforce #4 (of 4). Would a "I liked it better when it was BPRD" joke be appropriate here?

Marvel Comics says they don't like you; you can't stand them; they can't love you anymore than this:

• Amazing Spider-Girl Vol 1 TPB. Seems like Spider-Girl has been around for awhile. Is this a reprinting of her first TPB or the first in a new volume of trades, or what?

• Fallen Son: Death of Captain America. I'm surprised Marvel isn't selling plastic bone relics through Dynamic Entertainment. Really, it's one thing to shamelessly whack one of your most iconic and beloved characters, but do you really have to dance on his grave to make a buck?

• Magician Apprentice Vol 1 HC. Is Mickey Mouse involved?

• Marvel Adventures Avengers #13. I wonder how these things are selling. So basically you have the "real" MU, the Ultimate MU, and the Marvel Adventures U now, right?

• Mighty Avengers #3. These are the dick Avengers. Also, Ultron is now a smoking hot chick. It was bound to happen eventually.

• Moon Knight #10. So I take it no one here is reading this thing? That surprises me. I thought we had a few Moonie fans running around.

• Orson Scott Card has Wyrms (#4 of 6). They have pills you can take for that.

• Ultimate Spider-Man #109. 109? So that must mean they're up to the events of Amazing Spider-Man #5 by now, right?

More non-Marvel/DC Fun:

• Devils Due Publishing: GI Joe Storm Shadow #1. Is it the ugly, scarred, kung fu grip version of Joe, or the little girly action figure version? (BTW, I didn't realize until now that Joe was behind the whole hood ornament necklace craze of the late 80's.)

• House of Collectibles releases the Official Overstreet Comic Book Price Guide #37. By the way, have I ever digressed into my deep, burning hatred of comic book price guides before?

• Krause Publilcations brings us their Comic Values Annual 2007 SC. Have I mentioned my intense loathing for comic book price guides before?

We're going to double-dip on this week's Random Comic Spotlight (while trying to be briefer than last week) with a pair of collections from Archaia Studios Press (I guess that's pronounced "ar-KAY-uh?"):

Artesia Vol. 3 ("Artesia Afire") and Mouse Guard Vol. 1 ("Fall 1152").

As you've grown to expect of the Quick Review, I know nothing about either of these properties. So it turns out that Artesia is a fantasy comic book written and drawn by Mark Smylie. The protagonist is a woman who, you'll be shocked to learn, likes to show off a little leg and a little cleavage (although, I'll grant you, not as much as Red Sonja or Lady Death).

Sayeth Wikipedia:

Smylie has described her as a "Pagan Joan of Arc", to use a popular reference, while noting that the closest historical model is the Irish Queen Medb. The series is noted for its depiction of feudal politics, intrigue, and power struggles, its complex mythology and world history, and its strong female characters.

The art looks pretty good too. Also, the online samples and, to an extent, the blurb above remind me of the superb Deed of Paksenarrion. I am skeptical it's as good but it seems like it's worth checking out.

Meanwhile, Mouse Guard appears to be a Redwall riff that has received some favorable press. Apparently it's a bi-monthly comic that Wikipedia says "...is noted to stand-out on the shelves due to its odd size a square (8" x 8")..." Well it's good to be known for something.

The mice struggle to live safely and prosper among all of the world's harsh conditions and predators. Thus the Mouse Guard was formed. After persevering against a weasel warlord in the winter war of 1149, the territories are no longer as troubled. They are not simply soldiers that fight off intruders; rather, they are guides for the common mice looking to journey without confrontation from one hidden mouse village to another. The Guard patrols borders, finds safeways and paths through dangerous territories and treacherous terrain, watches weather patterns, and keeps the mouse territories free of predators. They do so with fearless dedication so that they might not just exist, but truly live.

Every mouse dies. Not every mouse truly lives.

Like Artesia, Mouse Guard appears to have quality art, so if you dig Redwall I imagine this might appeal to you as well.

And that's all for this week. Now make with the comments or I'll start reviewing sexist comics-related statuary, and you know you don't want that.

Speaking of feminism

It occurred to me that between Marvel and DC, I can think of a grand total of 3 solo titles and 1 team title featuring female superhero characters who are not based on pre-existing male characters and which were published for more than half a dozen issues. I wonder what that says about the publishers and the audience?

Make Your Own Comics

I'm pretty sure the comic page in my previous post, Steve Nash is Full of Great Fury!, was created using a program called Comic Book Creator.

It appears to let you put together comic book pages with various panel layouts (no idea how flexible they are) and then drag-and-drop in sound effects, word and thought balloons, captions, and even clip art. Of course, if you can scan your own doodles into whatever file format the program imports (I'm guessing it'll take the most common formats -- jpeg, gif, bmp), you could then literally make your own comics pretty easily.

As if that weren't enough, they even have a special officially-licensed Marvel Comics version. Hmmm.... ("Civil War II -- in the Mighty Maka Manner: This time, Millar, Bendis, and Brevoort get transported into the Marvel Universe of their making -- and pay the painful, bloody price!")

It's tempting.

Mike Chary and I will lilke this even if no one else does

Steve Nash is Full of Great Fury!

(And I'm a lifelong Spurs fan.)

Poofreading

Lord knows, I'm not one to talk about proofreading -- I've made my share of typos (the one in the title to this post was intentional, by the way). But really -- if you're expecting me to pay $50 for your book, would it kill you to make sure it's been edited?

I'm talking about Nexus Archives Vol. 1. For those unfamiliar with Nexus, it's the story of a powerful being plagued by dreams of mass murderers. The only way this being -- the titular Nexus -- can quell his dreams is to execute the murderers about whom he dreams. Nexus is set in the year 2481 -- except, if you look at the back cover of Nexus Archives Vol. 1, you would read that the book is set in the year 2841.

I'm also talking about Spirit Archives Vol. 12. In his introduction, R.C. Harvey describes the splash page that introduces us to recurring Spirit character P'Gell: "Her zaftig figure, revealing gown, and sensual pose tell us that she is a woman who uses her body as bait."

This is the splash page in question:

And this is the definition of "zaftig".

Main Entry: zaf·tig
Pronunciation: 'zäf-tig, 'zof-
Variant(s): also zof·tig /'zof-/
Function: adjective
of a woman: having a full rounded figure : pleasingly plump

P'Gell is many things, but "pleasingly plump?" "Having a full rounded figure?" Uh ... no.

Now, both of the problems I have highlighted are problems that require actual editing. Unlike the typo in my post title (told you I did it on purpose!) it would take more than a quick pass through a spellchecker to catch. It would require actually being familiar with the work you're editing and with the meaning of words. But is that really too much to ask of those editing a high-end archive?

Special Effects List

The Visual Effects Society has announced their list of the most influential visual effects movies of all time. They obviously know what influenced them more than I do, but I am nagged by the feeling that the straight animation films don't belong on the list.

"Greatest Living Englishman" Weds American Woman

Alan Moore got married, and Neil Gaiman was there.

Interstellar Relations

In this post about the recent issue of Nova where Richard Ryder and Tony Stark go head to head (and personally, I cannot believe I'm rooting for Nova to kick Iron Man's asst, but here I am) the comments discussed whether or not Nova Corps membership should mean anything the face of SHIELD and the Registration law. This leads to an interesting question: just what is Earth's status in the universe at large in Marvel's setting? In the past it's been the plaything of warring intergalactic empires, who even left fully functioning cities on its moon and genetically altered races on its surface. On several occassions humans have interfered with the politics of the Kree, Skrull and Shi'ar Empires, even going so far as to 'kill' or imprison their leaders. Galactus has been foiled by Earth twice. What relationship, if any, does the Earth have to alien powers such as Xandar (which is the one that the Nova Corps were created by, as an example), the Kree, the Shi'ar, the Badoon, etc etc?

It seems as if the Marvel books present an Earth that is either ignorant or mostly unaware of the universe around them, but that seems implausible. Clearly if we had this much evidence of alien life, we'd have established some kind of diplomatic contact at the very least. But I can't find much evidence for Earth exchanging ambassadors with any of the cosmic nations surrounding it in the MU. So what legal status would the representative of an alien peacekeeping force have on Earth? I think the galactic nations once decided to use Earth as a dumping ground for their criminals... was that an act of war, and if it was, could Earth feasibly mount a counter offensive if it happened again? And does it stretch credulity to posit an Earth where Galactus has appeared multiple times, the Kree, Skrulls and Shi'ar have all sent agents to at one time or another, where Skrull milk made people develop shapeshifting powers and Skrull meat made them go slowly insane, where aliens have been in the Avengers... shouldn't the governments of the world be at least working on some sort of protocols for when aliens contact Earth? Shouldn't there be an attempt to have an Interstellar Diplomatic Mission?

Maybe I'm thinking too much here.

The Suck Will All Turn Out To Have Been Worth It -- Trust Us!

A friend and Curmudgeon-lurker told me about the latest issue of New Avengers (#30), which has a Luke Cage monologue that feels like the writer, Bendis, speaking out to fandom:

We went off to the Savage Land and what did we find? We found out that there was somethin' really rotten in SHIELD. Then we found out there was something rotten in Hydra to...

And all of a sudden, Nick Fury went bye-bye. And all of a sudden, the government turns us on each other. And all of a sudden it all went backwards on us real fast.

And I'm not just steamin' because we lost the war and Cap's dead. No, I'm steamin' because I think there's a lot more goin' on here. I feel manipulated. I feel someone pulling my strings.

SHIELD, Hydra, our secret war, the civil war... I think they're connected. Do you? And does that idea scare the holy crap out of you?

Luke, only the fact that Marvel continues to publish junk like Avengers Disassembled, Civil War, and the Initiative scares the crap out of me, but that aside...

==========================================

The above-quoted material feels to me like Bendis telling fandom something along the lines of, "Of course the Civil War wouldn't have happened unless someone or something bad was behind it all! Don't worry, our heroes are going to get to the bottom of it and all will be well!" I'll get back to this in a moment.

I have no idea what SHIELD rottenness the New Avs found in the Savage Land, or what rottenness there is in Hydra (although turmoil within criminal organizations like AIM and Hydra is nothing new). But of course, the idea that the Civil War was engineered by sinister forces for sinister reasons is something of a no-brainer -- and several of you have mentioned something about Wolverine and some other character knowing that the Stamford tragedy was somehow engineered or worsened by someone.

Of course in the old days this would have been obvious to all of the superheroes involved, and they would have banded together to get to the bottom of things and win back the public trust while Henry Peter Gyrich sicced Sentinels on them or something else along those lines. Instead we got storytelling that is most reminiscent of sitcom writing in that a great deal of the conflict is carried by characters simply not talking to each other, telling each other the truth, or refusing to back down from ridiculous and immature posturing.

Still, let's say that the above-quoted Luke Cage dialogue is in fact meant to tell us that something fishy was behind everything and the New Avengers are going to get to the bottom of it. And suppose they do get to the bottom of it. Suppose it's something like this: Dr. Doom or someone was behind everything, manipulating events to create a specific set of circumstances that would enable him to unleash his master plan (and the predictable thing at that point would be to have both sides of the Civil War team up to stop the plan in some titanic "final battle").

Suppose all of those things, or something along those lines. Does that make you feel better about Civil War?

Suppose that as part of the Villain Plot Behind it All, Tony Stark was mind controlled or otherwise manipulated by nefarious means (assuming that Tony isn't the villain behind it all -- which I would not be quick to assume), does that make you feel any better about the story, or doesn't that cheapen the whole idea that there were two legit sides of the argument? And doesn't it make those who sided with Tony look foolish?

When all is said and done, is it possible or realistic for the Marvel Universe to return to some kind of positive status quo where all of the classic Marvel superheroes are genuinely heroic and their adventures are more fun than dark and angsty? Is it possible for the MU to not feel tainted without pressing some form of Reset Button, even if there was a Big Bad behind everything as Luke suggests?

I Want Mysterio and Scorpion, Dammit!

Rumors about the villains for Spidey 4.

Antifeminism in Comics

Just briefly, I mentioned Warrior Nun Areala, Lady Death, Angela and Black Canary being depowered. Why do I think these images are antifeminist?

Warrior Nun Areala takes a strong, beautiful, powerful woman, and puts her in the convent. Lady Death and Angela take "women" or at least female form characters and portray them as destructive forces. If they don't know their place, things are destroyed. Black Canary's depowering takes her out of the Justice League where she was one of the team leaders and served to put Guy in his place and made her sidekick for Green Arrow. (That one's a touch harder, because they also depowered Ollie. It was just a really stupid comic book. Maybe Byrne ghostwrote it...)

These are classic antifeminist interpretations. Realize, too, that the term antifeminist is something one school of feminism calls another school of feminism. "Antifeminism" is sort of analogous to "hinayana" Buddhism. The word used by the group in question is usually something else, like "gender feminisim" or the like. Much as the term actually used by the group refered to as "Hinayana" is "Theravada." (Maybe, a quick web check shows there's some dispute in the Buddhism world about that usage. Back when I was paid to know that kind of thing in the late-1980's-1990's, that's how it went.)

I personally don't hold with any school of feminism that tries to claim some sort of superior way for women to approach life. The antifeminist view of Black Canary's depowering, for example, would be a classic blame the victim approach if dealing with an actual, flesh and blood human being, but because she is a character, her narrative reality takes over for these purposes, and her storyline is fair game for the interpetation.

Hey, Greg, where did you see concept art?

Sunday Song Lyric

By popular request ....

So comics characters have been adapted ino a variety of other media, from film to television to prose to broadway musical to ... rock opera narrated by Stan Lee?

Yes, it's true.

Back in 1975, Marvel released the following gem:

(That's a clickable link that takes you to Amazon, by the way -- in case you want to buy your own).

Through a series of tracks that alternate between songs and spoken-word narration (provided by Stan Lee!), the album takes the listener through Peter's origin -- the Spider-bite, the brief show-biz career, the burglar. It then introduces us (and Peter) to Gwen -- and Dr. Octopus and the Green Goblin! The climax of the album comes when (spoiler alert!) Gwen is murdered by the Goblin atop th Brooklyn Bridge.

Step inside the jump and I'll give you some of the lyrics.

Here are the lyrics to "Spider-Man"

Oh, what is this change
within my being
it feels so strange
like I'm skiing

With the ground so far below me
a natural high
Nothing now can hold me
I can fly

Once I was nothing but a failure
now I know
just who I am
Spider-Man

Once I was helpless
now I rescue those who need me
when I can
Spider-Man

I must be blind
to see this clearly
to speak my name
where none can hear me

I still can't quite believe it
Soaring free
Someone should exceed this guilt
why not me?

Once I was changed in my existence
now I know
just who I am
Spider-Man

Once I was helpless
now I rescue those who need me
when I can
Spider-Man

Most of the music is surprisingly good. "Spider-Man," for example, is a pretty decent take on a Jackson Browne-esque tune, and "Gwendolyn" is pure doo-wop (more than anything, it reminds me of "Beauty School Dropout" from Grease). Dr. Octopus has an psychedelic-rock sound to it that may well have been lifted directly from the Who's "Acid Queen." All of the musical tracks betray similar origins in existing music -- there's not an original note on the album -- but the lifts are all well done.

The lyrics? Well, let's just say the ones I posted are among the better lyrics on the album. The lyricists -- and the liner notes indicate that there were an army of them, mostly employees of the record label -- are clearly not bucking for spots in the Rock & Roll Hall of fame.

Since this Sunday Sog Lyric seems to have morphed into a review, I'll close out by saying that this is probably not an album you will listen to for anything other than its novelty value. But it's a fun novelty album, and the music is eminently listenable.

The best comic in the history of comics ever

Nova #2 is the best comic in the history of comics ever, and I'll have Chary take on anyone who says otherwise.

Why is Nova #2 the best comic in the history of comics ever? Because the story is about Nova (former member of the New Warriors) returning to Earth after the Annihilation story. As a result of this story, he is now enormously powerful. Nova heads to his parents' house to let them know he is alive.

About five pages into the story, Tony Stark shows up on the Riders' front lawn with a team of SHIELD agents. Nova tells him that this is unacceptable.

Tony then yammers on about the superhuman registration and indicates that he's got no clue about the Annihilation War, at which point Nova says 1) You idiot -- the Kree Empire and the Skrull Empire were destroyed by a meance which could easily have destroyed earth and I sent you a warning, but you ignored it because you were too busy with your stupid Civil War, and 2) I'm a fully trained, qualified, and accountable member of the Nova Corps, so I don't give a damn about your stupid registration.

Nova is my new hero. So are Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, who wrote this comic. Civil War was an idiot plot that had characters who should be heroic acting like petulant children -- it's very nice of Joe Quesada to publish a comic that acknowledges this fact.

On Speculation and Storytelling

I don't get involved in discussions about the secrets of Lost, or speculating about who might explode in Heroes or how they're going to be stopped, or who Sensor Girl or Monarch are, or who killed Sue Dibny, or who the third Kryptonian is.

This is because I have read or seen or heard a lot of stories. I'm not going to claim to be an expert on stories, but I will claim to be an informed layman, and one of the things I have learned in a lifetime of devotion to stories and trying to understand how things work is this:

At any given stage in a story, a storyteller can make any choice they want.

Certain choices may be more probable than others. Some choices may require more work to justify given what's come before. But, in general, if I have a partial story, it does me very little good to speculate about its ending, because the constraints on the author are so few.

Consider the mystery. 2/3rds of the way through, the author has presented clues and suspects. You, as a reader, can analyze them to reach certain conclusions. But the author both has more information than you and more control than you. You don't know until the end which clues are red herrings or lies and which clues are valid.

The obvious example of this is Armageddon 2001, where at one stage of the story the identity of the Monarch was changed because so many readers had correctly deduced his original identity.

Speculation--what will the author do--is pointless. They can do anything, and if they're good enough, justify it.

On the other hand, how would I do it is a different question, and sometimes even an interesting one, since it deploys the same analytic engine used in speculation, but doesn't deploy it against an unhittable target. See Christopher Bird's recent series on "Why I Should Write the Legion"; instead of speculating how the Legion's stories would be continued, Bird figured out what choices he would actually make.

How you or I would structure a Heroes finale is interesting in that we'd have a wholly different set of constraints (and probably goals) than the TV writers themselves.

In my review of Superman #662, I speculated that the third Kryptonian would be "an ancient mystic, half-Jesus and half-Conan and half-Richelieu", in part because that was literally the worst idea that I could come up with that would be in some sense consistent with Busiek's known predilections. But it's pointless to speculate who the third Kryptonian is, because he could be anyone. Even if we'd been told he was a middle-aged sewer worker exposed to gold K, the third Kryptonian could still turn out to be a tween girl in California still working through her princess phase (because she's the sewer worker's daughter living with his ex-wife, and the sewer worker dies just as Kal finds him, and all it would take to fix up what we "knew" would be the prophet showing up to ominously say "this one didn't count").

But in addition, what I said was "I'm holding out for Dev-Em". Because that's how I'd write the story of the third Kryptonian; a secret agent of the, oh, I dunno, Guardians of the Universe, here on Earth where I can use him to answer the question "Must There Be a Superman" by contrasting public heroism with secret acts of grace.

If you ask me what I think is going to happen in the Heroes finale, my answer is "Anything they want to happen".

So if we're going to talk about the Heroes finale, or whether Starbuck is the 9th of 12 borgcylons, or who Ronin is, or whether Captain Clarinet's parents get a divorce, let's ask ourselves How would you do it?

The Good Legion

A terrific interview with Paul Levitz and Keith Giffen on the Legion.

Via Mike Grabois over at the Omnicom.

Mary Jane's R-E-S-P-E-C-T

OK, remember when I was yakking about DC's line of infantilized sexualized maquettes?

Yeah. It turns out that Marvel's doing a Mary Jane maquette which is in the top 3 of the most anti-feminist things I have ever seen in comics stuff.

She is barefoot, doing hand laundry, and hypersexualized in both anatomy and pose.

I mean, wow. That's just evil.

Via Matt's sweetie.

It's a Good Life on "Lost!"

Okay, much as with "Heroes" I have my own wacky theories about "Lost" and I also don't read any fan sites of anything! The great thing about "Lost," bte, is that it reminds me of Silver Age DC comics, wherein there seemed to be some sort of bizarre stream of consciousness plotting going on.

Spoilers and "Lost" theory follows...

Okay, last night with the revelation that Ben killed the Dharmaites and that the guy from Suiddenly Susan had been there all along gave me an idea. We know from Walt that children in the Lostiverse can have reality manipulating psychic powers. I submit these are magnified by something on the island which might be extra-terrestrial in origin/paranormal in origin/or perhaps the gateway to the underworld a la the Divine Comedy.

Ben has these powers. He conjured up his mother and the guy from Suddenly Susan (checks real quick) Richard. Richard is a manifestation of Ben's subconscious. Or a spirit from Hell, which is gatewayed on the island. Walt had these powers (recall his adoptive father talking about weird occurances.)

So, either the gate to Hell is on the island (the island is not the afterlife, but a gateway to Hell from Earth.) or there is some sort of extraterrestrial or weird terrestrial phenomenon on the lisand which can be manipulated by psychic forces. Perhaps a Rimbaldi device. The fence works not because it is somehow more powerful than the island force, but because the force doesn't like technology (Jacob is either a manifestation of this force or a creation of Ben).

Walt and John were studied because they rival Ben for his ability to manipulate whatever forces the island conjures up. Ben/the force can also conjure up things from the outside world, including replications (Locke's father, the wreckage of the plane)

Finally, I have no clue what's happening here and it might as well be governed by the people who did Hawkman's continuity after Crisis..

You know the drill

We're coming up on another second-Saturday-of-the-month, and that means it's once more time for all and sundry to gather at Manny's in Chicago at 1 p.m. for delicious food. Afterwards, the plan is to adjourn to a nearby theater (possibly the IMAX theater at Navy Pier) for a showing of Spider-Man. And, as always, you never know which (if any) notable co-creator of Spider-Man, the Hulk, and the Fantastic Four will be present.

Well, The Hulk Looks ToHave a Decent Cast

Tim Roth is the Abomination. Remember, he doesn't have Class 100 strength because he cannot regularly lift(press) 100 or more tons.

Blog Begging

Incidentally, is there a directory or anything anywhere of DC's new system of multiple Earths? Who's on Earth-50, what Earth the Inferior 5 or on, etc.

Quick Review of this Week's New Release List (5-9-7)

A pretty light week this outing (say, are the Virigin comics not being distributed by Diamond?). Still, I have a moral obligation to bring you the Quick Review, and by Rao, you shall have it!

Join me after the break to see what's coming out this week -- as far as you know...

=====================================================

• Amaze Ink (a division of Slave Labor Graphics Amalgamated, Incorporated), brings us Rex Libris #8, "A story about a tough-as-nails Head Librarian and his unending struggle against the forces of darkness" (all roads lead to Wikipedia). Didn't one of you guys recommend this series a while back?

• They're also bringing you the Invincible Babydoll T-Shirt: Fellas, get in touch with your feminine side with this lovely Invincible babydoll t-shirt. Kirkman wears his to the mall -- you should too!

• Andrews and McMeel (who and what?) bring us the Government Manual for New Pirates. Are pirates the new ninjas? And what are the odds that this is another one of those clever concept pieces whose contents are not anywhere near as clever as you might suspect if you are, in fact, not familiar with the incredible shortage of clever in the world today (Exhibit A: this column).

• Boom! Studios is delivering Two Guns #2 (of 4) (complete with multiple covers! um, what's the point of the multiple covers again?) This is purported to be a very good crime drama thing written by Steven Grant. I have not actually found a copy of this yet, so I guess I'm officially Waiting for the Trade at this point.

Dark Horse Comics has some goods for you to check out:

• Blade of the Immortal #125: Barefoot part 4. Barefoot? Why didn't you say so!!

• Courageous Princess TPB. This sounds like a pretty fun C.S. Lewis-esque fairy tale-ish sort of fantasy thing. I know his name has come up here before, but I remain unfamiliar with Rod Espinosa's work. Would this be something my kindergarten-age daughter would like (and is it age appropriate)?

• Samurai Heaven and Earth Volume 2 #4 (of 5). No idea what this is, but I'd just like to put in my vote for samurai as being cooler than ninjas or pirates. There, I said it.

• Secret #4 (of 4). I have no idea what this is about because, heh, it's a secr-- I already did this joke, didn't I? Look, NINJAS!

• And, of course, some Star Wars stuff. No doubt bounty hunters and spice smugglers are involved (You know, would the Empire really have cared all that much who had spice and who didn't? It just seems like they had bigger fish to fry -- like finding Rebel bases and stuff).

DC Comics has a few things I'll comment on this week:

• Green Lantern Corps Vol 1: To Be A Lantern TPB. Anyone else picturing a grainy black-and-white government film reel with voiceover narration by That 50's Voice Guy while John Phillip Sousa music plays in the background? "Young men across the galaxy are preparing to become GREEN LANTERNS! They'll have to study hard, train every day, and eat their vegetables if they hope to make the cut...!"

• Jack of Fables #10. Willingham has found his non-pornographic comic book niche, that's for sure.

• Mystery in Space #8. I believe this is the last issue of a miniseries, right?

Image Comics has some stuff this week:

• Invincible #41. For some reason, this is the only book in which I can stand that inked-in-Adobe-Illustrator look, although I could see it being used elsewhere (Greg hates it, btw).

• Noble Causes #29. I think I'm one TPB behind on this series.

• PVP #32. Is this just collections of the strip or is it new full-length stories?

Marvel Comics remains completely unapologetic about the whole Civil War thing. Beyatch.

• Annihilation Saga. This thing is only two bucks and isn't listed with an issue number. The hell? I thought Annihilation was over.

• Essential Fantastic Four Vol 6 TPB. Covers issues #111-137. Let's see, that gets us to Gerry Conway's stuff in the early 70's, right?

• Immortal Iron Fist #5. I did a standing-read on 3 and 4 in the shop, and I am not happy with this. Not happy at all. It's just about the lamest version of Danny to date (the only lamer portrayal has been the few times writers have tried to make him a snarling badass a la Wolverine), and the writers really seem much more interested in writing retarded Gun-Fu Pulp Guy, who is just lame (hate to go to the lame card twice in one bullet, but if it's called for, it's called for).

• There are also a few issues of this Marvel Zombies noise. Leave it to Marvel to shamelessly fan wank on a shtick (zombies) that is already tired and overused. What's next? "All Hydra bases are belong to us?" "Hulk is in ur Baxter Building, eatin ur f00dz?"

• New Avengers #30. Where, apparently, the Civil War is still being fought and no one can tell what the hell is going on.

• Nova #2. I checked out the first issue of this and it showed some promise -- a little overwritten, but not too bad. And best of all it appeared to set up a mano y mano throwdown between Nova and Iron Man in this issue, which would logically have high "Tony gets the holy living crap blasted out of him" potential. Sadly, since Tony has become the Marvel equivalent of Batman (his main super-power now is simply being more badass than everyone else), the odds of this actually happening in this issue are fairly remote. *sigh*

• Thunderbolts #114. I'm sorta hoping that Ellis goes for the "most issues in a row that contain nothing but subplots" record. Who would you say holds that now?

• Wolverine Origins #14. I thought they finally established that Wolverine was some little Nancy boy from the Victorian England countryside or some such? (God, how lame is that?) So what the hell is this? "Wolverine Retcon Theater," in which they unveil all of Wolverine's exciting and continuity-contradicting adventures between his jolly ol' roots and joining the X-Men?

Meanwhile, someone named Praxis Comics would like to publish comics too, please, sir. (BTW, their website is about a thousand times cleaner, more functional, and, therefore, informative and useful than Boom! Studios'.)

• Scarlett's Curse #2 (of 7). What do you think Scarlett's Curse is? No matter what you say, everyone just tells you, "Frankly, I don't give a damn!" Heh, 'cause in the movie, uh, yeah... look, ZOMBIES!

• Sollitaria #1. Which I'm guessing is a solo adventure book, heh, 'cause, um, you know, "solitaire," and, uh... look, PIRATES!

And finally...

• Silent Devil Productions brings us Devil's Panties #11. Really, what more need be said?

Oh, shoot, we've reached the end of the list (at least as far as I'm concerned), and I haven't picked out this week's Random Comics Spotlight title. Uh, let's see...

This week's RANDOM COMICS SPOTLIGHT title is:

Honor Brigade #2 from Spinner Rack Comics!

Congratulations, H.B. -- random chance is smiling on you now! So let's see what this thing is.

First, as always, we go to Wikipedia to see if there's any info there. Nope, don't see anything -- comic book publishers, you gotta be smarter than this! If you're publishing a comic, get someone to create a Wikipedia entry for it. Come on, get with the now, folks.

Okay, let's see if Spinner Rack has a useful website. Well, not as such, although they have an Honor Brigade website, which is even better for our purposes (maybe this is the only thing Spinner Rack publishes). It is neatly designed, very professional, and has an easy-to-grok navigation scheme, so major props to Spinner Rack so far.

The first thing I notice on the H.B. site is the covers of two issues, which feature the, um, abs of two different unknown characters. Ohhhh-kay. I'm not sure this is a promising sign (seems a little Watchmen-precious to me, but we'll see). Time to click on the "The Comic" link to find out what this is about...

It's about heroes. Well, duh... a comic about heroes. How original!

I'm not really sure that's how you want to begin plugging your comic.

The thing is, I think we've forgotten about what makes superheroes special to us.

Dude, then come on over to the HOWLING CURMUDGEONS! We have a whole freaking blog devoted to why superheroes are cool! (And sometimes we also talk about comics with folk guitar chicks in them.) I hope by "we," you mean you and don't mean us, because that would be a little presumptuous -- and untrue.

I'm not talking about laser vision or magic rings either. I'm talking about why superheroes are better then us. Why they are icons we should look up to. Why we should aspire to follow their lead. The tendency today is to write our heroes as either saddled with feet of clay or "real", which somehow equates with grim and gritty. Now, I'm not against these things, but they need to be done in moderation, and moderation is something many of today's comic writers don't do very well.

*ZZZZZZZZ!*--huh, what? Oh, sorry. Now you know I'm simpatico with this guy's credo, but man that's a lot of verbiage to open with (which is, y'know, okay in a blog posting, but put it on a mission statement page or something here), and I still don't know anything about your comic, other than it has superheroes in it, presumably, and that they won't be grim'n'gritty, which I'm cool with.

Okay, I'm gonna cut the blockquoting here, because there are two more paragraphs of the same stump-speechifyin.' I'm totally down with what he's saying, but I want to learn about the actual characters and story in the comic, not your philosophy (for the latter, go start a self-indulgent blog like the rest of us). But seriously, this doesn't really answer the question, "What's the Honor Brigade about?" which is in fact what the banner at the top of the page says you're going to tell me. Don't give me the Robert McKee "high level" spin, I want to know who this comic is going to be about and what their story or stories are going to be, man.

Well, let's see who's creating this thing anyway. Tom Stillwell and Bradley Bowers. Reading their bios I can tell you they are both my age and that, background and interest-wise, they are practically Chris Maka clones. Scary. (Hopefully this means they have made a comic book that I'll like.) Hey, Tom lives in Chicago! You guys need to get him to come down to that "We're oh-so-cooler than those Texas guys" Curmudgeons get-together thing you do.

They have a link to the first six pages of their comic book for us to read online, which is very wise. Man, actually reading the comic though? Am I prepared to invest that kind of effort for this column? Mmm...okay, I'll do it -- for the kids! After lunch.

[A short while later...]

Okay, six pages of the first issue and no sign of any of the main characters -- whoever they are. That ain't good. Six pages for a pogo-stick-riding jester villain to blow up a building while a security guard watches on a monitor before he (the villain) shows up at the front door of the building the security guard is in. Also, the lettering is very hard to read in several narrative boxes where it suddenly gets much smaller to fit the text in. Visually, everything I said about Shawn's art in One Last Song applies to Mr. Bowers' art here.

Now I didn't mean for this spotlight to become a review, but I still don't know what this comic is actually about! AAARGH!! Let's try the "Cast" link.

Five characters are listed: A stereotypical hard-drinking ex-cop, an old guy who used to be a member of the Honor Brigade, a young hotshot superhero dedicated to self-promotion and protecting Chicago, the TV news reporter babe, and the aforementioned villain -- basically a cross between the Joker, Harley Quinn, and the Toy Man.

So I guess the comic is about the young hotshot superhero being mentored by the old guy and... I don't know, I guess joining or recreating the Honor Brigade (which I assume is a JLA/Avengers analog)?

Okay, that'll do it for this week's Quick Review. As always, let us know what you think and what's coming out this week that deserves mention that I missed.

Must There Be a Superman #662?

I picked up Superman #662 yesterday, on the grounds that, hey, it's Busiek and Pacheco, I owe them at least one look before I never look at the book again. Also someone mentioned that it had Zatanna in her undies.

Nothing happens in this book.

In order:

A telepathic alien is in Tibet, apparently after a fight with Superman. The alien is not named or identified at all.

Superman scans Power Girl and determines that she is not sufficiently Kryptonian. This is an excuse to follow Michael Turner's new, and artistically and physically incompetent, rendition of PG's costume. (Note to self: Find people who think that Michael Turner is a good artist and inquire how and why, and then sterilize them to protect the species.)

It turns out that Superman has been told that there are three Kryptonians on Earth, and he doesn't know who the third is. I'm holding out for Dev-Em, frankly, but it'll probably turn out to be some ancient mystical Kryptonian, half-Jesus and half-Conan and half-Richelieu.

Superman spends a page flashing back to recent fights, but instead of telling me about the fights, Superman just wonders what they were about, which comes across as pretty weak.

Then there's a two-page spread of I don't know the fuck what--a robot skeleton, a Prankster head, and a group of intelligent compsognathids, or something. Really, it's incomprehensible, and a massive waste of space.

Maybe it's a Countdown thing?

Then Superman flashes back again, to Arion giving him the old "Must There Be a Superman?" speech. See below.

Then Superman has lunch with the Daily Planet. Curiously, even though the v/o narrator (Superman?) says that Perry "takes a few staffers" to the restaurant "every week or so", the people that are there are the same four Daily Planet staffers than anybody ever sees together: Lois, Clark, Jimmy, Perry. They make some noise about the "Must There Be a Superman?" thing. Lois's haircut is really fucking awful.

Then Superman helps repair the Daily Planet globe.

Then he visits Zatanna and learns nothing. Wow. What an exciting investigation. Everything Superman tries is a negative. Anyway, whoever said Zatanna was in her undies is exaggerating, since all she'd need to be seen in public is a skirt. Also, her hair is also shitty. So was Clark's, for that matter.

Anyway, Zee is floating in the lotus position. This strikes me as un-Zatanna-like. She's a showman, born and raised on the stage. Floating in the lotus position is for the rubes; you do something like that to distract, impress, or fool them, to set up for your next trick. Superman is a colleague and friend; you don't need to distract, impress, or fool him, and you're not setting him up for anything. Also, while she does her magic with backwards-talking (anything else is heresy and beneath consideration), it's illustrated in a really weird and jagged font. Which, I think, misses the point. She's not speaking in a weird and mystical voice, with reverb and sound effects editing turned up to eleven. The interesting thing, the fascinating thing, is that she's this ordinary woman speaking in an ordinary voice, who can make the universe dance to her command by talking backward. Emphasize the mundanity of her power's invocation to contrast with its extraordinary effect.

Then, Superman flies to the Middle East to meet an Iranian anti-terrorist superhero and fulfill a time paradox by inspiring him to change his name from one non-Persian (Arabic) word to another non-Persian (Italian!) word.* The fuck? That's like Peter Trygvassen of Minneapolis deciding to take the superhero name Capoeristo.

*Not to mention that even if "sirocco" were Arabic, which it's not, the sirocco is a southern European phenomenon caused by southern winds coming across the Mediterranean from North Africa. It has nothing to do with Iran. It doesn't even have anything to do with Iraq, Saudi Arabia, or anywhere else in the Arab world except frickin' Libya. It's like Rebecca Epstein of Boca Raton deciding to call herself "Santa Ana Wind". And Sirocco is drawn with an Arabian headdress (over a skintight bodysuit) that looks nothing like Iranian or Afghani garb.

There's a lot of talking between Superman and Sirocco (finally some action: Sirocco spends an entire page and a half dealing with some terrorists). Of course, Superman learns only negatives (having to do with someone called "Khyber", who may or may not be Hassan-i-sabah, the Old Man of the Mountain, the Grandfather of Assassins, and dead; the significance of this is not explained).

Superman walks home across the deep sea abyssal plain, which is pretty cool. Of course, he's pictured walking near a shipwreck. The abyssal plain is big and there aren't that many shipwrecks, so what a coinkydink that he just happens to be walking past something perty to draw.

Finally, Lois is babysitting some kid named Chris, who was apparently born in the Phantom Zone, and that's not explained further. Lois is reading a book based on the three comic-relief sidekicks of the Golden Age Flash which is pretty darned cool but kind of fanboy pathetic all at the same time. Then a whole bunch of New Gods-looking dudes appear in the skies of Metropolis.

Am I nuts, or did jack-squat happen in this issue? OK, sure, it took me 872 words to describe it, but really, did the plot move at all? Did Superman achieve anything, or learn anything? Sure, in the real world, establishing negatives is progress, but is that part of a story? Given that Sirocco was apparently predicted by Arion, is his introduction progress? Was any progress made on the question of "Must There Be a Superman?"

Also, this issue has crystallized certain aspects of my thinking. As Chris Maka pointed out in the comments here, an age of comics must be distinctive such that a comic can be considered to be in it or out of it. Well, this comic shows me a couple of distinguishing characteristics of the Modern Age.

First is decompression. The most obvious characteristic of Modern Age comics is that literally no one in DCU, Marvel U, or Ultimate Marvel superhero comics is writing a complete story in one issue or even considering an issue to be a distinct unit like a chapter; everyone is "writing for the collection".

Consider the flashbacks in this issue: They're not comparable to Bronze Age flashbacks that get the reader up to date on a continuing story; they do very little towards reiterating what happened before so that the story can move on. Instead, they're used as a method for the character to consider and reflect. They don't have to reiterate the story, because the writer is only contemplating that this segment of text will be read as part of a single, much larger body of text.

That's your distinguishing characteristic: The individual comic no longer makes any pretense toward unity.

Incidentally, can we identify the ur-texts of decompression? What were the first decompressed books, who named the trend, when can we consider it to be completely established?

The second distinguishing characteristic of the Modern Age is seen in what this story is about: The question "Must There Be a Superman?" That's a Bronze Age question posed by Superman writer Elliot S! Maggin. What we're seeing in modern superhero comics is a constant revisiting of Bronze and Silver and Iron Age superhero comics, either in the form of a direct retelling in the style of the current age (as here), or in the revisiting and reviving of those concepts (as, e.g. Marvel's Nova) regardless of how unsuccessful they were or how moribund they have been.

This can be seen as a direct consequence of the creators--primarily the writers and editors--being now almost entirely encased in two or three generations of fanpros. One key characteristic of the Bronze Age was the appearance of the first generation of fans turned pros. The several Ages since have just layered in multiple iterations of fans of profans of profans turned pro, with the result that the vast majority of superhero comics being made are drawing only on what's gone before, with only variations in formalism occurring.

I wasn't expecting to come out of a frankly fuckin' dull comic with a new understanding of modern superhero comics, but there you go.

Heroes Ruminations...

Okay, the comics sensibility and the sci-fi sensibility and the soap opera sensibility are manifesting themselves in annoying ways in "Heroes."

Okay, first saving the cheerleader didn't save a damned thing, since Sylar's not the one who exploded.

Second, next episode, the Invisible Guy needs to explain to Peter that he can fly away at transonic speed and get away from New York.

Finally, we have the Doctor and the Master on the same show.

Make Mine Irony II

Being half a decade behind the curve, I've just started reading, for the first time, Bendis's run on Daredevil. This run starts off with an incident in which Nitro blows himself up on the courthouse steps in an attempt to kill Daredevil. Nitro kills 3 or 4 innocent bystanders in the process. Daredevil, of course, chases Nitro down and beats the crap out of him, at which point a pair of police officers arrive on the scene. We then are treated to a scene we've encountered dozens of times in Spider-Man -- the rookie cop wants to arrest both Daredvil and Nitro because Daredevil is, after all, a vigilante. The veteran cop explains that Daredevil is one of the good guys, and that arresting him would be idiocy. Civil War was, of couse, a story that kicked off when Nitro blew himself up fighting the New Warriors, killing innocent bystanders in the process, and just about everyone (including Tony Stark and Reed Richards) reacted like the rookie cop in the Bendis Daredevil story.

Make Mine Irony!

Do you think anyone at Marvel noticed that within the span of one week, Marvel released the Fantastic Four: Civil War trade paperback, which focuses on Reed Richards championing the Superhuman Registration Act, and the Fantastic Four Visionaries: Walt Simonson trade paperback, which focuses on Reed Richards opposing the Superhuman Registration Act?

The Times, They Have A'Changed

Okay, I thought we'd try a little intellectual arts & crafts today (in the sense of near-mindless fannish time killing). Today I hope to get you each to list a handful (three or fourish) of comic book characters you used to really like (and still may) but who you feel have changed for the worst in the intervening years, and then, to try to generate some positive energy and not wallow in the negative, list a handful of characters you used to like (a lot or merely well enough) or dislike who you feel have gotten better.

Okay, so two short lists. Along with each character, rate the amount of change, positive or negative, on a scale from 1 to 10, and also include a few (brief) comments as to why you feel that way.

For our purposes, we don't really care when your personal "golden age" for a given character is (although you're free to say). We're only interested in your personal opinion of the flavor and degree of change from whatever the real or imagined halcyon days of yore are for you and that character. I'm probably going to list nothing but superhero characters, but feel free to include any comic book character you like.

I will demonstrate after the jump...

(These are all off the top of my head, so I'm certain to think of ten better examples as soon as I post this, natch.)

Characters Who Have Gotten Worse (in no particular order)

Tony Stark/Iron Man: -10

This one is, I admit, obvious and all too easy, but I have to lead off with him. I fell in love with the character in the Michelenie/Layton/Romita Jr. run and enjoyed his adventurers, solo and in the Avengers, for many years. Now, of course, he's evil and sucks.

Scott Summers/Cyclops: -7

I'm biased because he's one of my all-time favorite characters, but I do not enjoy the way he's been turned into a pussified dork who's not half the leader he should be, dammit.

Bruce Wayne/Batman: -8

I grew up with a Batman who was cool and tough and all the rest, but also a genuinely likable guy who was a warm, caring, close friend of his Justice League comrades. While some efforts have been made to soften him a little recently, he's still a grumpy dick who is the patron saint of fan wank fantasy badassery.

Dan Cassady/Blue Devil: -4

He's still alive.

I could go on all day (because I like wallowing in the negative), but I want to leave the floor open for you guys. Now for the sunshine and butterflies:

Characters Who Have Gotten Better (or Simply Avoided Being Tainted -- in no particular order)

Johnny Storm/Human Torch: +6

While I have never been a huge fan of the character, a variety of writers have done a nice job of writing Johnny in such a way as to show that he has actually grown up a great deal and is an experienced, formidable superhero -- while still letting him play the delinquent jerk on occasion. Dwayne McDuffie is doing a great job with the character right now.

Hank McCoy/The Best: +5

He's been a very up-and-down character over the course of my comics-reading lifetime, but Morrison and Whedon both have done a nice job of writing him as a mature, experienced scientist and superhero, one worthy of his brainy, wordsmith heritage, while also conveying (to me at least) that the zany, bouncy blue-furry Beast is still in there, he's just experienced too much to be that character now.

Hal Jordan/Green Lantern: +7

Okay, I admit it -- his resurrection is complete and total fan wankery of the highest order. But I grew up really liking this character (for whatever reason), and he was crapped on so heartily and disgustingly, time after time, that his resurgence can't help but make me happy. (Prior to this, he would have been about a -20 on the "For the Worse" list.)

And finally, if it happens:

Pre-v.4/Pre-Crisis Legion of Superheroes: +100

Don't try to kill my buzz on this one -- DC will being doing that soon enough anyway.

So those are a few of mine off the top of my head. I may add a few more after I see some of yours. What sayest though?

Sunday Song Lyric

This week, we go to one of my favorite albums of 2007 -- Neon Bible by Arcade Fire. This is one of my favorite tracks of that album:

(Antichrist Television Blues)

Don't wanna work in a building downtown
No, I don't wanna work in a building downtown
I don't know what I'm gonna do
Cause the planes keep crashing always two by two
Don't wanna work in a building downtown
No, I don't wanna see it when the planes hit the ground

Don't wanna work in a building downtown
Don't wanna work in a building downtown
Parkin' the cars in the underground
The voices when they scream, well they make no sound
Wanna see the cities rust
And the troublemakers ridin' on the back of the bus

Dear God, I'm a good Christian man
I'm your boy, i know you understand
That you gotta work hard and you gotta get paid
The girl's thirteen, but she don't act her age
She can sing like a bird in cage
Oh Lord, if you could see her when she's up on that stage

You know that I'm a god-fearin' man
You know that I'm a god-fearin' man
I just gotta know if it's a part of your plan
To see my darling stand by your right hand
I know you will do what's right, Lord
For they are the lanterns and you are the light

Now I'm overcome
By the light of day
My lips are near
But my heart is far away
Tell me what to say
I'll be your mouthpiece

Into the light of a bridge that burns
As I drive through the city with the money that I earn
To the dark of a starless sky
I won't stare into nothing and I'm asking you why
Lord, let me make her a star
So the world can see who you really are

Little girl, you're old enough to understand
You'll always be a stranger in a strange strange land
Men are gonna come while you're fast asleep
So you better just stay close and hold onto me
If mama's mockingbird don't sing well,
Then daddy won't buy her no diamond ring

Dear God, will you send me a child?
Oh God, will you send me a child?
'cause I wanna put it up on the tv screen
So the world can see what your true Word means
Lord, won't you send me a sign?
'cause i just gotta know if I'm wastin' my time

Now I'm overcome
By the light of day
My lips are near
But my heart is far away
But now the war is won
How come nothing tastes good?

Oh you're such a sensitive child (sensitive child)
You know you're such a sensitive child
I know you're tired, but it's all right
I just needed you to sing for me tonight
You're gonna have your day in the sun
You know God loves the sensitive ones

Oh my little girl in a cage
Oh my little bird in a cage
I need you to get up for me up on that stage
Show all the men that you're old for your age
Now in the times of fear
But if you don't take it, it'll disappear

Oh my little mockingbird sing
Come on, my little mockingbird sing
I need you to get up on the stage for me, honey
Show the men it's not about the money
Want to hold a mirror up to the world
So that they can see themselves inside my little girl

Do you know where i was at your age?
Any idea where i was at your age?
I was workin' downtown for the minimum wage!
And I couldn't let you just throw it all away
Threw me a kid, God, throw me a knife
So tell me Lord am I the Antichrist?

Win Butler, the lead singer and driving force behind Arcade Fire, has said that central to the album "is this idea that Christianity and consumerism are completely compatible, which I think is the great insanity of our times." That's certainly evident in most of the tracks, including this one, but I think this track is both broader and narrower than that. This song speaks specifically of the moral sacrifices and compromises we make in the name of religion, telling the story of a man who exploits his daughter's talent for song in the name of praising God. And just to make sure we don't miss the point, Butler starts the song by referring to the 9/11 hijackers, who also did the wrong thing in the name of their religion.

History is replete with people who do evil in the name of what they see as a higher good, but I'm not sure that it's a theme that's been explored very much in comics -- and never, that I can think of, in the context of religion. Generally, the good guys in comics find a way to do the right thing, while those who do the wrong thing are motivated by base desires like greed or power-lust.

There are exceptions. The master plan of Ozymandias in Watchmen (spoiler alert!) is the most notable example. Some of the more charitable depictions of the pro-registration forces in Marvel's Civil War show Reed Richards and Tony Stark acknowledging that rounding up your friends and throwing them in the Negative Zone is a pretty crappy thing to do. The Punisher probably qualifies as well, at least in the hands of a nuanced writer -- although it seems that much of the time, the morality of what he does isn't called into question.

Don't Forget Your Free Comic Books

If you're reading this blog, you probably already know this, but today is Free Comic Book Day. There are 43 participating titles this year, but I suspect some will be more ubiquitous than others. One publisher, TwoMorrows, is sweetening the pot by making its Free Comic Book Day offering available by mail (for a nominal fee to cover expenses) if you can't find it in the store. On Saturday and Sunday only, they're also giving away issues of six of their magazines in PDF form--Alter Ego #65, Back Issue #21, Jack Kirby Collector #47, Write Now #14, Draw #12, Rough Stuff #3. It's a great opportunity to try something you might not otherwise pick up.

The Winston Churchill Stan Lee Appearance

Hey, a week from tomorrow is the second Saturday, and that's means a Curmudgeons Con. Usually we play trivia after, but is anyone up for a trek over to the IMAX to see Spidey 3? I'm sure Stan Lee will make a cameo...in the movie.

The Obviousness of the SHRA (with Extra Cussin')

From a Dan Slott Avengers: The Initiative interview:

Avengers: The Initiative...I'm not saying who wins Civil War - I'm not saying that at all. But I will say that there are Pro-Registration heroes, and Anti-Registration heroes, and that for every single guy that registered, there is a price to pay. That price to pay is the Initiative. Whether you knew it or not when you registered, by signing that little slip of paper, you've been back-door drafted. If you signed up, you're falling in when you're called. Marvel's army of super-heroes is now a super-hero army.

Emphasis added.

This confirms certain aspects of the draft provision that were unclear when I wrote earlier.

The SHRA is unconstitutional under the 5th and 14th Amendments on its face; it violates due process ("whether you knew it or not") and it violates equal protection by singling out a class of citizens for unequal treatment without being narrowly tailored for a compelling government interest.

Excuse me if I start frothing at the mouth here.

I mean, the complete and utter wrongness of just about every aspect of this (Civil War, the Initiative, the Illuminati, the Hulk exile) is plainly evident, and I feel like over the course of the next couple of years, people are going to wake up to how awful it is and go "Well, how could we have known?" And it's going to be just like the whole fucking Bush administration, when all the shit that was wrong was plainly evident to anyone who was paying attention back in 2001 and 2002 and 2003, and you look at people who voted for what we have now but are just now going "Well, how could we have known?" like they're grit-sucking inbred morons. It just makes me feel sick that people are so fucking stupid.

In this case, because it means that I'm going to have to live through years and years of unbelievably filthily wrong comics while I'm waiting for people who aren't paying attention, people who are basically too stupid to be allowed to regulate their own breathing, figure out that, hey, this kinda sucks.

But, oh, no, we couldn't have seen this coming, because Marvel said it was all good and everything was right, and sweet merrie fucking Christmas I'd love to see David Broder and Tom Brevoort dropped into a blender.

Not that I have a strong opinion or anything.

Happy Anniversary, Howling Curmudgeons!

The Howling Curmudgeons have officially been open for three years as of today! I know a five-year anniversary has more gravitas, but I'm not very patient. I am, however, extremely sentimental and nostalgic when it comes to friends and family, and I'm a huge sports fan. What does the latter have to do with anything? Stats!!

As of 11am Eastern Time, HC authors have written 941 entries (26.14 per month), which have in turn generated 10,159 comments (!), for an average of 10.8 comments per post.

I have even more stats on individual performance that I'll get to after the break, but I thought I'd get through a little more history in first. The HC website went "live" on April 24, 2004, with a test post by our wise and gracious host, Michael of the White Rose (I am not counting this post in the total for entries, nor am I counting Greg's test reply in the total for comments). On the 26th, Greg posted the "About Our Contributors" article, which I am counting as an actual post, but I don't consider the HC to be "officially" under way until May 3rd, 2004, with Greg's post in which he alerts us to the breaking story that Micah Wright had admitted he faked his background as an Army Ranger.

The second posting to the HC, however, is when things really get swinging, as Curmudgeon Emeritus Marc Singer posted his now-classic article, "JLA/Avengers: 'Nuff Said," in which he skewers a number of humorous Kurt-isms from that much-ballyhooed miniseries event (if you have never read this post, do yourself a favor and click on the link -- it's great). Marc's post generated 11 comments back then -- I have to believe (or hope) that if such an entertaining post were made today it would generate 20 or more comments.

Okay, join me after the break for more reminiscing -- and more stats! :-)

===================================================

Of course, posting (entries or comments) is not a competition -- I only point these things out because I'm a stat-obsessed geek and they're interesting to me. That said, let's get to it.

Howling Curmudgeons Contributors:

• Greg Morrow: 310 posts.

• Mike Chary: 272 posts.

• Chris Maka: 81 posts.

• Matt Rossi: 65 posts.

• Jason Fliegel: 56 posts.

• Marc Singer: 44 posts before moving on to pursue a career in cattle rustling.

• Doug Tonks: 41 posts.

Note: There are several other HC contributors, but they are sort of our special guest contributors -- while they haven't posted as much as the yahoos listed above, their contributions of have been high-quality, laser-accurate posts.

Now, I wanted to list commenter stats, but I don't believe that the results MT is giving me are accurate -- I've already confirmed that when you search for all comments by a given person, it's not giving you all of the actual results, which bums me out. Maybe Greg knows how to shake accurate results out of this thing.

Without doing a formal count, I think I can safely state the following about our contributors:

• Most Typos: Chris Maka

• Most Movie References: Mike Chary

• Most Deceptive Trade Practices: Jason Fliegel (Yeah, like Stan Lee's comin' to your oh-so-fun Chicago lunch thing... *grumble* *jealous* *grumble*)

• Most Love for Bill Mantlo: Matt Rossi

• Most References to the Supreme Court: Greg Morrow

• Most References to Kryptonite: Doug Tonks (Yeah, I thought it would be Matt too.)

• Most References to Stilt Man and Alan Moore: Jess Nevins (If Alan Moore had super stilts, he'd rule the world!!)

And finally, I suppose I'd be remiss if I didn't point out how we, the Curmudgeons, owe you, the people who actually take the time to read our mad rantings and post comments, a sincere and heartfelt "Thanks," because without you blah blah blah, you know the routine.

But seriously, we really do love ya and we really do appreciate you -- now go post more comments! :-)

Your Movie Insurance Policy

Suppose Spiderman 3 is bad? I have a solution, for I saw "300." I didn't particularly want to, because I saw "The 300 Spartans," a rather weak 1962 movie which inspired Frank Miller to do "300" in the first place (or so I'm told.) However, they just opened an IMAX theater in my area, so I figured, "What the heck?"

The movie was only okay, but the visual was awesome. Using that prior experience, I will see Spidey on the IMAX. If any of you have the IMAX option, I suggest you avail yourselves, because even if the movie is horrible, the special effects will be great.

Quick Review of this Week's New Release List (5-02-7)

Has a comic book character ever gained super powers because of a crop dusting-related incident? That just seems like a fun idea to me.

Anyway, a much bigger crop of interesting comics this week. And in the interest of fairness, let's take a look...

=======================================================

Your non-DC, non-Marvel fix consists of:

• Abrams brings us Diary of a Wimpy Kid SC: I knew one of my sisters would sell me out eventually. (Also, why is it listed as a softcover and not a trade paperback?)

• Abstract Studios is releasing Strangers in Paradise #89: Another on the list of comics I've never read but probably should.

• Basement Comics / Amryl Entertainment: Cavewoman Reloaded #4. What are the odds that T&A are a prominent component of this story? And yet, it's probably still better than the Matrix Reloaded. (Also, "Basement Comics" I get, but "Amryl Entertainment" sounds like a subsidiary of Exxon or something.)

• Dial "C" for Comics: Return of the Super Pimps #2 (Of 6). Sadly, the title is probably the cleverest thing about this comic.

• Dynamite Entertainment has its Battlestar Galactica and Red Sonja swerve back on this week. Battlestar Galactic and Red Sonja might make for a fun crossover.

• Dynamite is also brining us the first issue of... Dark Xena! I'm sure this will rise to the same creative heights as the original Dark Phoenix storyline (and props to me for not taking the bait on the obvious Xena/Sonja innuendo!).

• Image doesn't have anything that looks very interesting to me this week. So those of you who were reading Girls, were you happy with the way the series wrapped up (did it wrap up)?

• NASCAR Comics is bringing us the unbridled spectacle that will be NASCAR Heroes #1. I was all set to make some snarky "Neck-car" joke until I realized that this thing will probably outsell most Marvel and DC titles -- and with a median reader age 20 years younger to boot. *sigh*

Dark Horse has some fun stuff coming out this week:

• Buffy The Vampire Slayer #3: This is the "Season Eight" series, I assume. So I've heard some positive things about this but am having a hard time reconciling that with images of Xander as some sort of SHIELD agent.

• City of Others #2 (Of 4): Anyone reading this? What's it about? I like the title, even if it sounds like the Others from Lost have moved to Paragon City.

• Hellboy Darkness Calls #1 (Of 6): Is Mignola doing this one?

• Star Wars 30th Anniv Coll HC Vol 3 Darth Maul: Because Darth Maul's story in The Phantom Menace was so engaging, so multi-faceted, that he warrants a hardcover collection.

• Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic #16: Is this based on BioWare's excellent KotoR video game? Man, KotoR was about a hundred times better than the actual prequels. Makes me sad.

All right, can you smell what the DC is cookin'?

• 52 Week #52: Ooooh, this is exciting!! One last issue to officially bring back the Multiverse and kill off Blue Devil. I've got my fingers crossed.

• All New Atom #11: I just couldn't get into this one (sometimes I feel like repeating myself).

• All New Atom Vol 1 My Life In Miniature TPB: Maybe it reads better in trades.

• Detective Comics #832 "Written by Royal McGraw Art by Andy Clarke." So is the Dini Era officially over?

• Justice League Unlimited #33: I like the Diniverse quite a lot.

• Shazam The Monster Society Of Evil #3 (Of 4). So I've only read the first issue, but I thought the very strong Marvel/Billy personality dichotomy was far more striking here than it is usually portrayed. Other than that there wasn't much there there (just some standard origin retelling). You guys'll have to let me know how it picks up in issues 2 and 3.

• Superman #662: I can't remember -- how are folks liking Kurt's run?

• Teen Titans #46: Man, no one can draw out a story arc like Geoff Johns.

• Welcome to Tranquility #6: "Written by Gail Simone Art and cover by Neil Googe The opening arc comes to an astounding conclusion as the murder of Mister Articulate is finally solved...but at what cost? Will the revelation tear Tranquility apart - literally?" I don't know anything about this, and I know Simone is something of an online fan favorite, but doesn't it seem like one out of every three new non-Marvel/DC superhero comics begins with a mystery about the death of a major super-character? This is so common it should be listed on the Comic Book Tropes site.

If you want Marvel to make comics, give 'em a "Hell Yeah!"

(Although on second thought, given Civil War and the Initiative, maybe a "Hell No!" makes more sense...)

• Astonishing X-Men #21: It's not without flaws, but I still find this to be a very entertaining run.

• Avengers Initiative #2: Hmmm... [ponders the first issue again].

• And yet still more CW TPBs. It's the whole F'n Show.

• Fantastic Four Visionaries Walter Simonson Vol 1 TPB: Hey, I know a number of you guys have been waiting for this one, so here it is. Enjoy!

• Incredible Hulk #106: All I wanna know is when does he get to Earth and when does he kick Tony Stark's ass?

• Iron Man #17: I'm almost giddy with visions of giant green fists crushing gold and crimson armor. I may require therapy.

• Ms Marvel #15: Admit it: How many of you guys are reading this? Now aren't you at least a little bit embarrassed by the monthly fan service?

• Omega Flight #2 (Of 5): Anyone wanna lay odds that this'll lead to yet-another ill-fated Alpha Flight series?

• Thunderbolts Presents Zemo Born Better #4 (Of 4): Maybe the Hulk can crush Zemo too while he's on Chris' Retribution Fantasy Tour '07.

• Wonder Man #5 (Of 5). Seriously, could anyone short of Morrison or Moore make Wonder Man interesting for more than three issues of his own series?

• World War Hulk Prologue World Breaker: It is ON!!! Actually, I still have no freaking idea what's supposed to happen in this thing. Let's go to the Wikipedia:

The story revolves around the Hulk's return to Earth following his exile at the hands of The Illuminati. The several previews and solicitations by IGN and Newsarama show Hulk tracking down and brutally destroying the Illuminati...

That's not just the coolest, that's not just the best, that's just incredible! So far so good.

...going so far as to throw Reed Richards into the sun.

He also seems to have targeted several heroes outside of the Illuminati, including The Thing, Wolverine, Cyclops, Spider-Man, Ms. Marvel and Tigra.

Yeah, it's about time that bitch Tigra got hers!

Uh, but seriously... man, just more shameless Marvel event whoring -- and no mention of anything absurdly violent and over the top happening to Tony Stark!! I've already lost faith in this thing.

The following isn't this week's Random Comic Spotlight, but let's take a look anyway:

Greenwood Publishing: Graphic Novels Genre Guide to Comic Books Manga & More HC, $59.10. I don't normally include the list price for things in these bullets, but man, isn't $59.10 a weird price? Anyway, I'm intrigued by what exactly this is (heck, I'm not even really sure what the title means), so I went to Amazon to find out (the following was written by Kathleen McBroom and is copyright American Library Association, who reserves all rights):

If anyone still has any doubts that graphic novels and manga have crossed over into the realm of mainstream literature, just consider this newest addition to the Genreflecting Advisory Series.

I'll confess I still had my doubts, but if they're being included in the Genreflecting Advisory Series, well, it's official then -- we've finally arrived, baby!

Readers are guided through nine main graphic groupings: "Super-Heroes," "Action and Adventure," "Science Fiction," "Fantasy," "Crime and Mysteries," "Horror," "Contemporary Life," "Humor," and "Nonfiction."

What about "Lame Semi-Autobiographical Alternative Crap?" Or is that covered under "Contemporary Life?"

These main categories are further divided into subsets. For example, "Fantasy" encompasses "Sword and Sorcery Fantasy," "Fairy Tales and Folklore," and "Dark Fantasy," to name a few.

Sadly, most of these genres and sub-genres are vastly under-represented in the North American market -- unless they're manga. Also, can we get a "Sucky Marvel and DC Super-Heroes" sub-genre? That'll be a good place to put all your Identity Crisis, Infinite Crisis, and Civil War.

Following the established Genreflecting format, detailed bibliographic citations accompanied by brief annotations are sorted according to genre, subgenre, theme, and series. Works are listed by title or by the name of the main character, when more relevant (Superman, Transformers, etc.). The annotations are descriptive, as opposed to critical, and provide plot summaries and overviews of main characters. Appropriate age levels are indicated (all audiences, 10 and above, 13-15, 16-17, and 18 and older). Icons indicate media crossovers (films, television shows, electronic games, Japanese anime). First-priority selections for core collections are identified. The introduction (which appears in graphic format) offers tips on locating, evaluating, ordering, cataloging, displaying, and promoting selections. Graphic publishing industry award winners are noted, as are winners of various ALA awards. Appendixes list additional print and online resources and contact information for publishers.

Okay. Hard to imagine that this is as good as Clute and Grant's Encyclopedia of Fantasy and Encyclopedia of Science Fiction, but you never know. I'd love to flip through a copy; maybe I'll pull the old "special order at Barnes & Noble, flip through it when it arrives, and then decide not to buy it" trick.

Now for this weeks' Random Comic Spotlight!

Boom! Studios: Dominion #1

(I wanted to do a non-manga, non-TPB this week -- BTW, the Boom! Studios' home page's tagline is "Watch Us Explode!" Heh. Insert your own pron joke here.)

So let's see what this is on Boom!'s site. Uh... no mention of it on their home page (not really a savvy way to push a new series, guys). Hmm, no search engine... the "Comic Books," "Graphic Novels," and "Company Info" nav links at the top of their home page don't work... Okay guys, I'm trying to throw some free pub your way and this is what you give me to work with? You're killin' me here!

All right, let's try an advanced Google domain search... Ah, apparently our old friend Keith Giffen is involved. I don't see a main Dominion page, but there are links to lots of corporate blog entries, press releases, that sort of thing. Let's see if Wikipedia can help... whoa! Nothing there. You know, if I had a comic series coming out, I'd make sure it had a Wikipedia entry. I'm just sayin'. Okay, back to the corporate blog entries.

An alien microbe, traveling through space, arrives on Earth and discovers humanity. As it enters an array of innocent human bodies, it remakes them into something new. Something powerful. Something wanting its own homeland, its own dominion. A new mini-series depicting the battle between ordinary humans and this new, alien invader taking over human bodies and infusing them with untold power! In the mode of Heroes, but with the intergalactic stakes of Independence Day!

Okay, that actually sounds pretty cool. Further investigation reveals that this was apparently a comic Ross Richie wrote and Keith Giffen drew a few years ago over at Image. I'm not sure if this is a complete relaunch or retelling of the previous series, or if it will continue where the old one left off (if anyone knows, fill us in). I'm also not really sure what Giffen's art style looks like these days, and that mitigates my enthusiasm somewhat. I'm also concerned if Giffen is doing any co-plotting on this thing or not (deaths galore!), but I suppose we'll see. Did any of you guys read the original series at Image?

And that'll do it for this week's New Comics Release List Quick Review. As always, we hope you enjoyed it and we encourage you to strive to be a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin', dealin', stylin' & profilin' son of a gun.

Heart Disease in the 31st Century

Legion of Super-Heroes DVDs in August.

I'm Actually Looking Forward to This

The Iron man Armor from the movie.

Psychopharmacology and Mad Science

Via commenters at James Nicoll's place, A Miracle of Science, a comic about mad scientists and the people who make sure they take their meds.

A Superman Question

A followup question to my Dev-Em post.

Why isn't Superman shallow and silly and superficial?

(And, indeed, any superhero, but let's leave it at Superman in order to properly tweak Matt's hot buttons.)

I Wonder if It'll Win an Oscar

The new Fantastic Four movie has been nominated for an MTV movie award.

Quick Thoughts: Fantastic Four #545

So Dwayne McDuffie brings us the first real fight scene of the new FF, against the Silver Surfer no less. As you know, I was hoping that this would knock my long-suffering socks off -- but alas, no such luck. It was a good, intelligent, old school superhero fight scene though, the kind we don't get enough of these days.

More after the jump.

It also advances the ongoing plot -- something about this Ego-like living planet trying to create a new Quasar-level cosmic hero by resurrecting some young hero from Earth with gravity powers (whom I've never heard of before) as Galactus comes a-calling. As I've grown to expect from Dwayne's work, the pacing is crisp, the characterization and dialogue are believable and entertaining. The Alan Davis-esque artwork is even better than last issue.

Back to the fight scene. Everyone fights intelligently, always a welcome surprise these days. The Thing and Human Torch do what you would expect them to do. T'Challa is able to use his experience and ability to be able to hang with the Surfer, and Dwayne interprets Storm's power in such a way that she can operate on a more cosmic level than she did back in the day (there's a nice bit where she pulls together enough stray hydrogen molecules or whatever to create enough of an atmosphere around Surfer for her to cosmic-level zap the heck out of him). Like I said, not the epic knock-down, drag-out I was hoping for, but that might still be coming, and this little fracas was certainly entertaining enough.

The chemistry of the new FF isn't there yet, but that's understandable. The book hasn't hit that "great run" groove yet, but the potential is still there and it's still solid and entertaining superhero comics in the meantime. Whether it will achieve "great run" gestalt remains to be seen but I'm continuing my recommendation.

Thoughts on Avengers: The Initiative #1

There are several lengthier posts I'd like to write for Howling Curmudgeons, but my schedule is a little crazy right now and I won't get to them anytime soon. Still, I didn't want to let the second issue of Avengers: The Initiative come out before I got my crack at the first issue.

Now some of you may be confused about the Initiative because Marvel is slapping "The Initiative" logos on seemingly all of their comics in an effort to maintain the artificial sales spike of their Civil War event, but in fact there is also a new Avengers comic book out -- Avengers: The Initiative (and, as the Estimable X-Axis pointed out, Marvel thinks so highly of it that they couldn't be bothered to give it its own logo).

Avengers: The Initiative is being written by Dan Slott, whom I've been promoting on this site for some time. Given my love for superhero team books in general and my fondness for the Avengers in particular, am I going to gush and encourage you all to read this book? Join me after the jump to-- you know what, forget the fake cliffhanger crap, I'll just tell you now: This is one of the single stupidest issues of a comic book I have ever read. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Do not buy this book.

For the bloody details, join me after the jump.

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Let me say first that this is exactly the sort of garbage I feared we'd get when I first started hearing rumors of "superhero registration" from Marvel -- DC and Marvel's mainstream superhero comics are not meant for this sort of "realism," and Avengers: Initiative #1 drives that point home most forcefully (especially given the fact that the book is being written by Dan Slott, who has written some of the most genuinely fun old school-style superhero comics in recent memory).

Speaking of which, let me also say that I have no idea how much of this to blame on Slott -- there's no telling how much of this was foisted upon him by one of those hideous "creative retreats" we've read so much about elsewhere, or editorial fiat or whatever. But Slott's name is on it, so he gets at least some of the blame.

The story opens with a superguy I've never heard of called the Gauntlet being recruited by Henry Gyrich to train the superheroes in need of training Stateside. You see, the Gauntlet is battling insurgents in Iraq, and the scene in which he's introduced amply demonstrates that Gauntlet and a couple of additional supers with super-senses would put an end to the insurgency in about ten days (this ain't WWII, folks, and, once again, this kind of "realism" doesn't work in mainstream Mighty Marvel superhero comics).

So who are you going to pick to train inexperienced or dangerous supers in the use of their powers? You can't tab Cap because he hate you -- and of course he's dead. You can't tab Iron Man because he's running SHIELD -- and of course he's evil now. Some other savvy superhero combat veteran from the X-Men or Avengers, or maybe even the Defenders? Nope, it's some new shlub we've never heard of before (aside from an unnamed appearance as a character from a future apocalypse in She-Hulk #100). Why? I guess because he's a member of, or affiliated with, the army, and the army has such a long track record of effectively handling super-menaces in the Marvel Universe. *ahem*

Next we're introduced to some new young supers as they run into established superheroes and are ordered to report for training (a few of the kids may have had cameos in previous comics for all I know -- I know a few of the characters on the bus coming into the training camp have). And who, at the camp, is going to oversee the training and development of these young and inexperienced supers? None other than that bastion of mental and emotional stability, morality, and mistake-free superheroing: Hank Pym. Really, what could go wrong?

After arriving at camp they meet drill sergeant Gauntlet, who actually uses the phrase, I kid you not, "mother-loving." Sweet Christmas, I can only pray that Slott thinks this is somehow retro-clever.

From here the issue reads like a really bad riff on Full Metal Jacket or the boot camp sequences from the movie version of Starship Troopers. Things proceed as you'd expect (with a young Captain-America-in-the-making kid called "MVP" proving to be the best trainee and a genuinely nice guy) to a training sequence where the new recruits are to use their powers against some robots.

First up is a girl named Armory who has a big metal weapon stuck to her arm (not unlike Gauntlet's -- apparently Slott really likes this shtick) that can morph into various hi-tech weapons (blades, guns, and so forth). She blows up the robots while the trainers and other recruits/draftees watch from an observation level.

Next up is a Goth-looking fellow (I didn't realize anyone still did the Goth look anymore) called Trauma. He enters the arena and whinges about how he needs someone non-robotic nearby for his power to work -- now, keep in mind that a couple panels earlier Gyrich and some German scientist with a classic cliched phonetic Nazi accent (y'know, Lucas got absolutely raked for this sort of thing in The Phantom Menace) talk about how intrigued they are by this kid's powers, so they clearly know what to expect. Armory is ordered to stay in the arena so Trauma's powers will work.

And what is Trauma's power? He turns into a giant version of whatever you're afraid of -- in this case, Armory is afraid of spiders, so he turns into a giant nasty-looking spider. I imagine most of you who have not suffered brain injury in a car crash can pretty much guess what comes next.

Indeed, Armory freaks out (as would I) and starts spraying the room with energy blasts. Chaos ensues. But here's the best part: The people running the show here -- the people oh-so self-righteous and sanctimonious that they fought and killed other superheroes to make sure that superhero registration would be enforced -- are completely unprepared for this and have no immediate way of neutralizing Armory's powers (something, y'know, the freaking Wingless Wizard would have thought of). And even better, the other young kids watching are completely unshielded. So naturally, (tell me you didn't see this one coming) MVP gets shot in the head and killed.

Oh. My. God. Like I said, I don't know how much of this to lay on Dan Slott's doorstep, but this is the single STUPIDEST sequence in modern superhero comic book history. Slott should be ashamed to have his name anywhere near anything this freaking moronic. They knew her powers and Trauma's, what the hell did they think was going to happen? And even better, they order her to stay in there, don't neutralize her powers, and don't tell her what's about to happen. What, were they worried about spoiling the surprise for the robots?!?

BTW, by my count Armory gets off eight shots before good-enough-to-train-other-supers Gauntlet even makes a move to stop her, and then she gets off three more shots, including the killing blow to MVP, before Gauntlet stops her by, uh, grabbing her with his glowing energy hand thing. Dude, freaking Speedball woulda done better in that situation than this! Again, just utterly, utterly stupid.

So what do the geniuses running the show at Camp Bullshisby do in the wake of this total failure on their part? They surgically remove Armory's weapon thing as she pleads with them not to in a scene that scores a 22 out of 10 on the Creepiness Scale -- and then they give her the boot!

And as an observing trainee points out, as Armory walks off into the sunset (literally) -- after only one day! Okay, waitaminute -- we see the kids arrive in the morning, after the sun is fully up, and we see them being processed, taking showers, getting unis, running an obstacle course, and presumably they were given time to eat and go to the bathroom. So exactly when did they do any training or testing of these kids before they threw them into a live fire exercise?? And why were the powers that be so utterly unprepared for something to go wrong (which, y'know, is kind of the WHOLE FREAKING JUSTIFICATION FOR REGISTRATION in the first place)? Again, just utterly, completely, shockingly stupid.

To sum up: Untrained supers are a danger so we need to impose a registration initiative (and, effectively, a draft) to train them, and the people training them are STUNNINGLY UNPREPARED and make a COLOSSALLY STUPID mistake that is ENTIRELY THEIR OWN FAULT, and their drill sergeant is incapable of stopping this tragic accident OF THEIR OWN MAKING before anyone gets hurt (in spite of the fact that probably any one of the Great Lakes Avengers could have managed it), and their response is to blame the girl they themselves FAILED TO PROPERLY TRAIN and KICK HER OUT OF CAMP. Um, yeah, excelsior... whatever. I'm sorry, but this is just incredibly, titanically, preposterously, jaw-droppingly STUPID.

Is it all Slott's fault? Dunno. Certainly the editor, Brevoort, shoulders a fair amount of responsibility for not recognizing how ridiculously unintelligent all of this is and allowing it to see print. And there's no telling how much of this was forced on Slott by others, as I mentioned earlier; plus it's possible that the artist, Stefano Caselli, didn't draw what was written. Regardless, you add it all up and what you get is one utterly freaking STUPID comic book story, one of the dumbest of the modern era. Other stories have sucked more, and some may have been as stupid, but none was more stupid than this issue -- because that would be impossible.

This single issue made me feel more utterly spent and nihilistic about the future of Marvel superhero comics than any of the execrable Civil War crap I saw, and it was the first comic in recent memory that made me want to literally throw it across the room. Just ridiculous.