Happy Bastille Day. I'm Pete Vonder Haar, and this is A Perfectly Cromulent Blog.
Because I like to pretend you care, I'll tell you that I live in Houston, Texas and make intermittently successful attempts at freelance writing. I like movies. Just how much can be seen in the column I write for Film Threat - it's called "Footage Fetishes" and it showcases the movies no one but an obsessive film geek could love. I write reviews for them as well, but you can find anything of mine by searching on "vonder haar." I also write movie-related articles for "NewType-USA" - all of which demonstrate the amazing restraint I'm capable of once I'm actually getting paid for my work. Unfortunately for you, the "NewType" articles aren't online, you gotta actually cough up for the magazine.
Just don't try to track down the "Bulletproof Monk" issue. I'm still embarrassed about that.
I also like music, reading, video games, and other manly pursuits. But we'll delve into those topics later. I'm also married, and quite happily. Which is all you really need to know about that.
APCB does not cover politics or punditry in general. Neither you nor I really want that, and anyway there are plenty of others who do it better than I ever could. Further, APCB has no political affiliation, unless someone is actually running on the Annoying Navel-Gazing Smartass ticket. No, the purpose of this little exercise in ego-gratification is to goof on the doings and transpirings in the world of entertainment. Or my definition of entertainment anyway. This includes the aforementioned movies, music, games, and books...but also sports, food, items of an annoyingly trivial nature, made-up crap, booze, and non-specific schadenfreude.
You see, I'm a firm believer in the concept of playing to one's strengths, and while I studied History and Political Science and International Policy many moons ago...frankly, I'm better at the stupid stuff. I'd hit the books for a good week in order to pull out a 'B+' in "History of Renaissace Italy" or "Medium State Political System Dynamics," but found I could take a nap halfway through the midterm for "History of Film" and still turn it in twenty minutes before the bell rang.
I also did pretty well in "Media and Foreign Policy." Probably because we watched a lot of TV in class.
This used to bother me. Once upon a time I had a nagging suspicion that one's existence was somehow more validated by the depth and character of their interests. I mean, how could a person who doesn't even need to watch "Entertainment Tonight" to remember the Celebrity Birthday possibly hold their own, in the cosmic sense, against someone opining on issues of real substance? Won't everyone laugh at lengthy essays about my Atari and the films of Andy Sidaris when there are Important Events taking place all around us?
That was when Jesus (or Chuck Negron from Three Dog Night, whoever) came to me in a dream. It was then that I realized we were all just randomly scattered dust motes, barely perceptible as we swirl for the briefest of instances in a vast and uncaring void before our inevitable and meaningless deaths. Let me tell you, that made me feel a lot better about myself.
So enjoy. I'm new to all of this, so if things look a little hinky for a while just ignore it. Or better yet, tell me how to fix it. I'm not proud. I can also add you to my measly blogroll if you like.
It seems to me that if you are going to plug your writings elsewhere, then you should probably consider mentioning your actual name somewhere, so that the hapless surfer has a chance to find your writings once he gets to the mags' websites.
Ginger - Never say never...
Greg - Well duh, I didn't even notice the omission. I suppose I should stick my e-mail address in there somewhere as well...
I see you've overcome the defaults. Please note that the blue-and-asparagus-piss color scheme is called "Georgia Blue" and I had nothing to do with it.
Must...not...blog...
;)
Nice to see you here, Pete. The web needs more smart-aleckiness. (and I love the name)
You should also say that your FilmThreat column is called "Footage Fetish" and that your body of work there can be found by searching on that phrase. You've got space for those links, boy - use it!
Oh, and welcome to the blogiverse. Your initiation is scheduled for next Tuesday. Be sure to bring a can of tennis balls, some WD-40, a six-pack of Schlitz, and your insurance card.
Thanks for the tips, Chuck. Jeez, you guys are strict.
I'm disappointed that you won't be talking about politics. I think you ought to talk about politics if only to laugh at it.