A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Endless Gov

That California gubernatorial recall imbroglio is getting pretty fun to watch. It makes the current walkout by Senate Democrats here in Texas look positively tedious by comparison.

As many as 193 candidates could be on the ballot in October, which would offer voters more choices than they got on the MLB All-Star ballots earlier this summer. The final number of those certified is supposed to be released Wednesday, and a random drawing for order of names on the ballot will be held today.

We know who the big names are already: Davis, Bustamante, McClintock, Huffington, and Mr. (Total) Recall himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's getting through the remaining 188 that's going to take some doing. Unfortunately, our trusty media friends aren't doing a very good job of ramping us up on the rest of the field.

I understand the concept of budgeting precious column inches and air time to those candidates who seem to have a leg up on their opponents. However, I have to question the reasons behind relegating some of them to the second tier of interest.

For example, several stories (including this one from the San Fransisco Chronicle) in the last two days have focused on the wealth of the recall candidates, always displaying Arnie (who earned $26.1 million in 2001) front and center, and usually featuring Arianna Huffington (approx. $100,000 a year) and Bill Simon ($3 a year). But what about Larry Flynt? His empire is worth in the neighborhood of $400 million, yet you have to turn a few pages before you get any ink on him.

And what of Georgy Russell? She's a successful entrepeneur, has actually lived in California longer than either Schwarzenegger or Huffington, and is, frankly, cute as hell. A recent AOL poll even showed her with higher name recognition than Huffington. Could she be the Howard Dean of the recall movement? You wouldn't know from reading the Sacramento Bee: their front page listing of candidates doesn't show her. You'll have to click the 'More Candidates' link, then scroll almost to the bottom.

As for the Other Arnold, even I can't come up with a compelling reason to support Gary Coleman. It's just as well, as he's as much as said he wouldn't be campaigning.

I wish I could say the same for Gallagher's candidacy. I hope he chooses Carrot Top and that "Last Comic Standing" ass clown for his staff and the Big One hits while they're stumping along the San Andreas Fault.

I have no such ill feeling for candidate Mary Carey [not a work safe link], however. Some would claim this is because of my affinity for busty porn actresses. I prefer to think of it as my admiration for the underdog, especially one who's not even listed in the Bee's candidate section, much less featured in CNN's candidate gallery (linked to this story) - certainly she's an easy choice over "smoker's party" candidate and Libertarian crank Ned Roscoe. There have been worse initiatives than her suggested swap of adult films for guns, especially considering Schwarzenegger has yet to even declare a position on...well, anything. And if quality of films counts, I'd have a tough time deciding which movie had a higher suck quotient: Carey's "New Wave Hookers 7" or "Batman and Robin."

Already the more persnickety columnists have begun bemoaning the theater of the absurd unfolding in California. Other stories insist the voters there are "outraged" at the "laughingstock" their state has become. As a resident of the oft-lampooned state of Texas, all I can say is shut your crybaby pieholes and pull up a chair with me on October 7. I'll bring the Shiner.

It's just a shame former Governor William J. LePetomaine isn't available.