August 26, 2003

All you zombies

Posted by pete at August 26, 2003 8:32 AM

For those who foolishly ignored the lessons of "Day of the Dead," now we have scientific proof that once the zombies are upon us, we're all doomed. Check out Kevan Davis' Zombie Infection Simulation v2. You'll need to have Java enabled.

I only found one instance where the zombies didn't infect everyone, and that was when the simulator drew an open city space with no external access. So I guess instead of being eaten alive, the survivors would merely starve to death.

Or resort to cannibalism, which would be nicely ironic.

You can also bone up on life in a post-zombie apocalypse at the Survival Guide for a Zombie World. I like how she lists a houseboat as her preferred hideout, even though she has the aquatic zombie masterpiece "Shock Waves" listed on her Movies page and should know that mere water can't deter hungry zombies (especially Nazi zombies). Faux pas, my friend. Faux pas.

Finally, here's a weight loss plan I bet Jared never thought of:

I'd like a foot-long brraaaaaiiins...on parmesan oregano bread, please. Hold the onions.

Two things about the Zombie Simulator:

1: Small groups of plucky humans should be able to gang up on lone zombies. I mean, that's the way it always works.

2: Humans, despite being 5-10 times faster than Zombies, seem to die first in open squares. Humans in narrow alleys last longer. This seems counterintuitive.

--Posted by Michael Croft on August 26, 2003 9:42 AM

>Humans, despite being 5-10 times faster than >Zombies, seem to die first in open squares. >Humans in narrow alleys last longer. This seems >counterintuitive.

Point-Counter Point: Zombie Infection!

Actually, I can see the logic behind this. One of George Romero's major thematic elements was that it wasn't really the zombies you had to worry about, but your fellow humans. I can see the "5-10 times faster" zombification rate transpiring because of all the humans falling amidst the plundering, pillaging, and panicking.

One lone schlub, lurking in an alley while eating out of dumpsters and climbing to safety on fire escapes, should be able to last longer than herds of harried and horrified humanity.

Yep...I've put WAAAAAAAY too much thought over the years of how to survive a Zombie Apocalypse.

--Posted by Justin, the Thing That Walks Like a Man on August 26, 2003 10:16 PM

Is that tiltle a quote from the 80's hooter's song "All you zombies"? Because if it is, then you, dear sir, are a fucking badass
-jess

--Posted by jessepence on August 27, 2003 2:56 AM

Because I can never deny being a fucking badass...yes, the title is from the Hooters song. I still have "Nervous Night" somewhere on cassette.

--Posted by Pete on August 27, 2003 7:41 AM

holy shit dude! I don't know anyone who actually owns something by the Hooter's! Let alone know who they are! You kick everyone's ass! hehe oh and by the way your blog is fucking hilarious, it's already made it's way into my favorites, which is composed of this and www.ateaseweb.com so uhm, where the hell was I going with this post? No one knows! Uhm how do I end this now? Should I make some sort of weird witty comment or should I delete everything I just wrote...
-jess
oh well too late now..

--Posted by jessepence on September 6, 2003 2:07 AM



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