"His name is Blane? That's a major appliance, not a name!"
Where would we be without cheap shots (especially from a guy with the last name "Vonder Haar")? If we're lucky, we wouldn't be getting constantly harassed by passers-by like celebrity con artist David Blaine. He's evidently having a bit of trouble with the locals during his latest publicity stunt:
t was probably inevitable, given the publicity the event received on live television. Over the weekend, onlookers threw eggs at Blaine's cell 9m above the ground, women threw their fish and chips on the ground and exposed their breasts in an attempt to break his fast and his will, and a man who grew bored watching Blaine sleeping on the permanent TV coverage left his home in South London at night and arrived at the site with a large drum, which he banged to wake Blaine up. The attempt succeeded.
Cry me a river. This is an "endurance test," right? So endure.
The London mob is nothing if not inventive. One group teed up golf balls on the Tower Bridge approaches and attempted to drive them at the glass box, until security guards confiscated their clubs.
A spokesman for Sky TV admitted there had been a number of incidents during the first night, and that security had been tightened, with the erection of a 2m fence around the site and a doubling of the number of guards.
I'm certainly impressed by the man's steely resolve in the face if adversity. But wait, this just in:
But Blaine may have broken his own rules. Yesterday the box was lowered close to the ground to have the egg stains removed, and he is said to have exchanged a few words with his girlfriend, German model Manon von Gerkan. Once he was up again his support team held up a notice reading: "We need to keep all verbal communication to a minimum."
Hm, a "support team" and a supermodel girlfriend. Blaine is less Houdini than P. Diddy. And what's this crap about being lowered to the ground? What kind of 21st century pole-sitter is he?
Blaine's team still has the jitters about hooliganism. Richard Bellars, 22, from South London, a fellow magician, was told off for throwing a playing card at the cage. "I'm trying to break the world record for throwing a card, which currently stands at 216 feet and 4 inches," Bellars explained.
"I've been having a conversation with David in sign language," he said. "I held up two fingers to show him I intended to stay here for two days. He upped the bidding by holding up four fingers, so here I am until Thursday."
That guy is my new hero. There you have it folks; proof that the Brits are smarter than we are. Where were the egg-throwing masses when Blaine was pulling his stunt in the block of ice in NYC last year?
Oh, that's right. He wasn't actually in the ice the whole time anyway.
Actually, BlainE is a con artist. He seems to have worked his magic on you, however. Congratulations.
And "dingleberries" is one word, kind of like "shithead."
As in: "Thanks for stopping by, shithead."
I think that it must have been extreamly difficult ot stay in a box in the air for that long and think that you did very well. With people banging drums, waving mcdonalds bags, throwing golf balls and chucking eggs at the box, I think that you are an extrealy talented man who is very brave. Well done.
By Tabitha Plummer aged 12
Actually blains' a pretty talented magician.
But I like hearing the ideas of sub moronic dingle berries like your self as well. Keep up the good work!