A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Kung Fool

Last night, the Alamo Drafthouse in Houston held a double-feature honoring chop socky actor Jim Kelly. The films shown were "Enter the Dragon" (a little more famous for Bruce Lee than Kelly) and "Black Belt Jones." The Thing That Walks Like A Man and I were in attendance for both films, and we got to see Mr. Kelly doing a little Q&A before each movie.

Neither of us actually asked any questions, though we came up with some beauties (many inspired by the Real Ultimate Power web site). For example:

1) "Mr. Kelly, do you think Steven Seagal is the future of American martial arts?"
2) "Mr. Kelly, have you ever flipped out and killed someone?"
3) "Mr. Kelly, I just want to say that I think you are really cool, and by 'cool' I mean totally sweet."

Trust me, these were more entertaining queries than the unending stream of "What was it like working with Bruce Lee?" crap that the audience kept throwing at him.

Excluding the lame questions that had the two of us giggling like drunken lemurs, the evening was more than a little disappointing. First, there were the prices for autographs that Mr. Kelly saw fit to charge his fans. Signatures for outside merchandise went for $20, while personal photos were $30 (I didn't ask if getting an autograph on a Polaroid I'd just taken would've set me back $50). Seeing this, we quickly bypassed the merchandise table.

It's a shame, too. I had planned on including a picture here of me and Jim Kelly for the enjoyment of audiences everywhere. As it is, I present this crappy Microsoft Paint image it took me about three minutes to put together (that's me on the left):

Cutting to the chase, "Black Belt Jones" is a ridiculously offensive. It takes the "blaxploitation" genre and pisses all over it. I may be examining the movie and its repercussions in much more detail on Film Threat in the coming weeks, but while you're breathlessly waiting for that, consider these questions:

1) Was Jim Kelly offered the role of "Kung Fu Joe" in "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka?" If not, why not? And if so, why didn't he take it?
2) What are these 3 to 5 scripts Kelly claims to be offered every year? Why doesn't he take any of them?
3) Why was Jim Kelly completely ignored in the IFC documentary "Badasss Cinema?" Follow-up: why was Gloria Hendry so pissed off in it?

"Black Belt Jones" might appeal to some for its camp value, but it completely subverts the entire purpose of the genre. Pinky and his gang of toughs are all pawns of the white Mafia don, while Black Belt himself works for the white cops.

I guess all the gratuitous kicks to the groin distracted everyone.

UPDATE: Jesus, that drawing is hideous. What was I on?

Oh right. Beer.