Fine, it doesn't rhyme (nor is it geographically accurate). Still, that's some snake:
JAKARTA, Indonesia -- Indonesian villagers claim to have captured a python that is almost 49.21 feet long and weighs nearly 992.07 pounds, an official said Monday.
If confirmed, it would be the largest snake ever kept in captivity.
A fifty foot reticulated python is more serpentine than even Axl Rose could brag about. However, it still isn't the "perfect killing machine." That, as Paul Sarone told us, is the anaconda.
Growing up out west, we did a lot of camping. And we dutifully shook out our boots in the morning and our sleeping bags at night to make sure no desert beasties had decided to take up residence. I have a difficult time conceptualizing growing up in a place where you could sleep an entire family inside a snake.
Still, it is fun to picture a 50 foot python on a scale that is accurate to the 1/100th of a pound.
ANd even if it is only, say, 40 feet long, it is still one big fucking python. That's longer than most motorhomes.
I thought that "Anaconda" was the perfect career-killing machine.
And they're coming out with a sequel! Sweet Mother of God!
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0366174/
2004 is shaping up badly.
I knew 2004 was shaping up badly, movie-wise, when I saw the preview for "The Mask 2" which features a CGI animated baby dancing around and mugging like Jim Carrey. A sequel to "Anaconda" will seem like "The Seventh Seal" in comparison.
Never mind that, reality is giving us another Amazonian monster sequel:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/3346301.stm
Love that picture!
"They are capable of eating animals as large as sheep..."
If they can eat a Sumatran tiger, a black bear, or a medium-sized shark, why can't they actually eat a sheep?
Lanolin allergies?
I'm sure the National Institute of Standards and Measures has created the Animal Size Rubric (ASR) for rating a creature's swallowing-whole capacity. Predators are assigned an ASR value between 0 and 10 to convey the official animal size that the beast can engulf, with 0 meaning 'incapable of physical transport larger than osmosis', and 10 meaning 'able to pass an object 3m in diameter into its primary digestion receptacle'. A rating of 8 might mean 'capable of eating animals as large as a sheep', and even though ASR 8 might be applied to our snake, this does not comment on the actual feeding habits of the subject.
If you're interested in learning more on this subject, write to:
Teach Me How to Make Stuff Up
c/o Department of Agriculture
PO Box 919
Denver, CO 99404
"If they can eat a Sumatran tiger, a black bear, or a medium-sized shark, why can't they actually eat a sheep?"
Wool allergies.
Yeah, that "Mask 2" preview is extremely annoying. I halfway expected to see Steve Gutenberg and Tom Selleck in that preview as well. Sheesh, I'm going to avoid that one like a nearly 49.21 foot-long python!
Boy, it's a good thing those villagers made sure to mention that it was *almost* 49.21 feet long, and *nearly* 992.07 pounds. These savages are always rounding up 49.207, and I wouldn't put it past their primitive rustic gall to try to sell us a 992.063 as a .07! I guess they know we're watching them and their significant digit hijinks, the accursed dusky mudmen. One slip is all that will be required for our glorious empire to burn their squalid hamlets, reeducate their children and convert them to the Metric System, by Jove!