A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Lord of the dance

I find it unendingly hilarious that the same people who feel the need to bitch about the Oscars for their hype and lack of cinematic merit never fail to watch the damn ceremony (no names mentioned, you know who you are). If I hated something as much as these guys allegedly do, I'd certainly find a better way to spend my Sunday evening.

Personally, I love watching the Oscars. Admittedly, it's for the same reason I like watching crap like C.O.P.S. and Jackass: because it's a gloriously verité car wreck. You start with Joan Rivers and spawn asking the worst questions imaginable, and get rewarded by moments like Ben Kinglsey's priceless look into the camera when his response to the dessicated hag's question flew right over her head. It snowballs downhill from there: tons of cleavage, ill-thought out political commentary, and false sincerity from many of the winners all contribute to the viewing experience, particularly if you've got a drink or four in your hand.

I've watched the Academy Awards ever since I can remember, and last night was no exception. What follows are some of my random observations, tempered by several glasses of Two Buck Chuck.

+ The tributes to Bob Hope and Katharine Hepburn were nice to see, though ABC could easily have padded out the broadcast to 4 hours with similar homages to Gregory Peck and, perhaps the most deserving of the lot, Jack Elam.

+ While we're on the subject of time, I'm getting bored with all the bitching about the length of the Oscar ceremony. Yes, it was 3:45 this time around (thanks in large part to the aforementioned tributes). Add the red carpet stuff and you're looking at close to 6 hours, which still doesn't equal half what we're subjected to every Super Bowl Sunday. At least movie fans don't have to put up with something like Media Week.

+ The decision to lump all the Best Song nominee performances together was great for anyone suffering irritable bowel syndrome. For the rest of us, it brought the show to a screeching halt.

+ I'm beginning to wonder if Peter Jackson got the win just so everyone could get a good look at how rumpled he actually was. Would it really have been so bad if he accepted the Best Director awars in his trademark ripped cargo shorts and a black t-shirt?

+ Lets get the hand-wringing for Lost In Translation out of the way right now. Bill Murray played Bill Murray...a more subdued Bill Murray, fine, but he was much more nuanced in Rushmore. If you're going to play yourself and win the Oscar, your name has to be Jack Nicholson. I know Murray was the sentimental favorite, but no one could come close to Sean Penn this year.

I've also grown more and more annoyed with Sofia Coppola. Her award-winning screenplay, while intermittently amusing, still came across like the work of someone who sat in a bar and cribbed other people's conversations. And there wasn't even that much dialogue to begin with, considering the number of minutes that ticked away as we lingered on Scarlett Johansson's scantily clad ass perched in a window sill. At the Golden Globes, she neglected Johannson in her acceptance speech after specifically mentioning Bill Murray, when it was the former's performance that centered the movie. Finally, it takes a lot of gall for the daughter of a revered, 3-time Oscar winning director (who deserves censure anyway for casting her in Godfather III) to act annoyed with all the attendant Academy Award hooplah. Without Daddy, she doesn't get a foot in the door and neither LiT nor The Virgin Suicides get made, period. Show a little fucking gratitude.

+ I enjoyed Return of the King, but - sue me - I still think Fellowship is the best of the three. It hews closer to the source material, introduces and skillfully develops the characters, and draws us (or me, at least) in much more capably than the other two. The rest of the movies are fine films in their own right, but spent more time lost in the humongous battle scenes than I really cared to see. Ultimately not a big deal, since this was an award for a 10-hour epic, not RotK itself.

+ On that note: no, it isn't "right" that PJ and company were given the Oscar for three movies and not a pic that, arguably, wasn't the best of those nominated. It's also not "right" that Paul Newman gets a lifetime achievement award for The Color of Money after getting passed over for Hud or The Hustler, or that Al Pacino wins for Scent of a Woman instead of Dog Day Afternoon, Godfather II, or Serpico. Deal with it.

+ Laugh of the day came from someone I read earlier (can't remember where exactly, may have been the Film Threat forums) saying The Passion of the Christ would also sweep next year. While the year in movies is still young, I hereby promise to buy one of those product tie-in crucifiction nails if TPotC gets anything bigger than Best Editing.

+ I'm with Tommy, for all the fretting the Oscar hosts say they go through about taking the gig, they've got the easiest job in showbiz. 15 minutes of shtick, a few more intros, and it's back to the green room for hookers and blow the rest of the night.

+ I went 17 for 24 on my picks, which put me in a solid 3rd in my annual contest. I didn't count on a LotR sweep, and I made a few left field selections to try and shake up the fact that everyone's top 6 looked more or less identical. It would appear Clint Eastwood's has won his last Best Director award, at any rate.