Chuck continues his award winning coverage of goings-on in the Lone Star State by updating us on the City of New Braunfels' attempts to ban beer bongs on the Comal and Guadalupe Rivers (registration required for the article):
Council members have complained that inner-tubers use the bongs — a long hose with a funnel attached — to get drunk as quickly as possible, marring the family-friendly atmosphere the city strives to maintain on the rivers.
Okay, stop right there. Perhaps on the average Saturday afternoon in June or August there exists a sort of family-friendly atmpsphere, but on the big weekends - Memorial Day, Fourth of July, Labor Day - you can't swing a three-foot length of surgical tubing without hitting a drunk frat boy/biker/scoutmaster. I don't know why anyone would bother with the hassle of slogging out there and shouldering through the crowds unless they were going to partake as well.
Those are also the only times I've ever seen the great and terrible beer bong make an appearance on the rivers.
The state does not allow cities to regulate alcohol without the approval of the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission, but [City Attorney Charlie] Zech said he thinks he can write an ordinance that will pass legal muster.
...
Debate at a meeting Tuesday night focused on a proposed requirement that beverages be drunk from their original factory container. But council members expressed concern that it would prevent people from making iced tea and bringing it along on a river float, or drinking wine, because glass containers already are banned.
Chuck already made the appropriate breast pump reference. It's really too bad they don't still make those 2-liter bottles of Sun Country wine coolers.
The Comal and Guadalupe rivers draw thousands of tourists who float on inner tubes and rafts during the summer.
Local officials have pumped hundreds of thousands of dollars a year into law enforcement and trash cleanups in an effort to control rowdy crowds.
That should just about square up with the hundreds of thousands of dollars pumped into the New Braunfels economy by tourists paying usurious rates for tube and cooler rentals and river cabins. And $4 for a bag of ice.
Feh. Beer bongs are pointless grandstanding unless you plan on doing three or more beers at once. The only time I've been impressed with a single beer bong was in college when a friend did one that originated on the roof of a nearby two story house....I swear the back of his neck bulged out. The rest, as Banky Edwards would say, is bullshit posturing. People really should learn how to a) chug or b) shotgun.
Or go to the Frio River instead. It's more of a haul, but the crowds are smaller, and unsavory types are unlikely to drag their asses practically to Del Rio for a one-day beer bash.
Present company excluded, of course.
Finally, a quote from the Houston Chronicle's story:
District 4 Councilwoman Valerie Hull said banning beer bongs would encourage families to use the rivers.
"I think if we took beer bongs off the rivers, more families would use the rivers," Hull said.
More families would probably come if you took the following off the rivers as well:
gang bangers
- Rebel flag flying rednecks
- high school reprobates
- college reunion gatherings
- cooler tubes
- bota bags
- Malrboro reds
- Macanudos
- Skoal Long Cut
- mullets
- guys with diving masks who claim to be snorkeling but are really just checking out the ass of every passing female
- "No Fat Chicks" t-shirts
- thongs
- Daisy Dukes
- morbidly obese individuals in size 'M' t-shirts
- morbidly obese individuals in size 'M' "No Fat Chicks" t-shirts
- ill-mannered dogs
- worse-mannered children
- Kenny Chesney songs
- those stupid jester hats
Seriously, if all you and your family want is to interact with people exactly like yourselves, why not just go tubing in Utah and be done with it?
A few good things for you to read this weekend: Matt Stoller says Release the blogs! and I'm inclined to......
| --Posted to Off the Kuff on Apr 17, 2004 7:58 AM:. |
I agree with your views. Every year they try to come up with some new rule but the people who make these rules should remember they are mainly concerned about a coulple of weekends out of the year. They have the opportunity to float, tube or raft any time they want to when hardly any one is on the river. They should take that oportuinity and enjoy the cash flow...with out the people who come to float the Comal and Guadalupe they rely on the families who come to Schlitterbahn and they dont drink as much beer (or bring as much $ to the community)as the holliday floaters.
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