Bad TV Ponderings is an infrequent look at low quality television. Fortunately, it will never lack for material.
For everyone who looks back fondly on the salad days of the television variety show...you're all idiots. The reason there were no entries during the day on Sunday was because my synapses had been completely shorted out attempting to watch The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour on Saturday night and I spent the better part of yesterday trying to get them refiring.
The variety show doesn't need to return from the dead. One of the reasons we can all agree the '70s were crap was the constant presence of people like Sonny, Cher, and Tim Conway on our televisions. Why ABC saw fit to return to this particular format would seem a real head-scratcher, except that this is the same network that showcases Jim Belushi as a marquee star and saw fit to run Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 5 nights a week. In that light, it makes sense that they'd trot out something that makes The Simpson Family Smile-Time Variety Hour seem like a good idea.
Jessica Simpson plays a fine Booberella, showcasing her impressive cleavage in order to distract us from the odd fits she has when performing. Hanger-on husband Nick Lachey performs as if visualizing his future lounge act at the Rumpus Room in the Poland, Ohio Ramada. Jewel emerges to sing a duet with Simpson, proving that ABC execs know the best way to distract us from bad music is by keeping the mammaries coming, while Lachey is shown up by both Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds and KITT, the car from Knight Rider (you heard me) in their musical numbers. '70s stalwarts Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are trotted out for a nonsensical segment, and Johnny Bench further embarrases himself in a sketch celebrating Simpson's ability to kill with thrown bats. In between are jokes that would've drawn jeers on Hee Haw...and more boobs, of course.
Last Saturday's airing was apparently a repeat of the show's debut perfromance in April. Ratings were apparently sufficient the first time around to warrant another run, but I can't believe they'll hold up after the initial freak interest factor. Call me an optimist, but even the American public can't be so stupid as to make this show a hit.
Can it?
Don't thank me, thank the food poisoning that kept me from leaving my house to actually do something interesting.
As someone who recalls fondly of watching Sonny & Cher and Donny & Marie as a child of the '70s, I was kind of hoping they'd bring back the better aspects of those shows, that of actual musical guests and harmless skits that at least I could watch with our kid. Those old shows had charming and at least moderately talented people, unlike the Nick & Jessica show. I was also confused as to who their target audience is...it was too risque to be kid-friendly and too vapid for any adult to take it seriously...overall a dismal failure with what could have been a welcome alternative to the excrement that passes for ABC's Friday nite lineup as it is.
I watched the first 10 minutes out of morbid curiosity. After the novelty of Simpson's bouncing breasts wore off, I turned off the TV. She'd be perfect on a show like Bay Watch. But sex appeal alone does not a variety show make.
However, I won't be surprised if the stupid show hangs on for a while. Someone, somewhere, has invested a lot of time and money into manufacturing Nick and Jessica into stars. I doubt the powers that be are ready to give up on that notion very easily. I just think they'd be better suited at hosting one of those "extreme" dating shows on late at night, rather than on prime time.