I hate clowns:
FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. - A clown who goes by the name of "Spanky" has been arrested on child pornography charges while traveling with the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus, federal agents said.
Thomas Riccio, 23, of Jacksonville, Fla., was arrested Friday by Fayetteville police and U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents to face 10 counts of sexual exploitation of a minor, the federal agency said Tuesday.
Leads from a federal investigation in New Jersey linked Riccio to a company in Belarus that provided credit card billing services for more than 50 child pornography Web sites internationally, said Immigrations and Customs Enforcement spokesman Dean Boyd.
Police and federal agents searched Riccio's computer and found thousands of images, many involving young children participating in sexual acts, authorities said.
And I've always hated clowns. There's not much difference between an exaggerated smile and a mouth full of eager fangs to a kid. what's more, I was taught that red noses indicated an unhealthy love of demon alcohol. Had I been a little younger when Poltergeist came out, I would've had nightmares for months over the clown-under-the-bed scene instead of the mere weeks that actually resulted.
It probably wasn't until high school that I first learned about John Wayne Gacy and his penchant for entertaining kids while dressed as a clown. Reading about his killing 33 young men and boys sealed the deal for me: my kids aren't hanging around any of those greasepainted ghouls.
I'm sure we'll eventually end up taking our children to the circus. I even imagine my wide-eyed daughter will point to the clowns on the floor and ask, "What are those, Daddy?" And I'll calmly reply, "I'm glad you asked, honey. Those are vampires, sentenced to a lifetime of ghastly servitude for their foul crimes. Because they bathed in the blood of innocents, they are condemned forever more to caper and perform for children. Don't be fooled, though: if they were to get loose, they'd kill everyone here in an orgy of jugular-slashing carnage."
She'll thank me later.
Or you could show her Kevin Smith's "Vulgar." Another bright and cheery clown story... until it takes a Deliverance-style turn down a very wrong road.
_Zurich Numbers_ by Bill Granger
IN the words of Bart Simpson: "Can't sleep -- clown'll eat me!"
Or you can prep her with Fellini's 'The Clowns'; that terrified me when I was 25.