After a long absence, APCB is proud to announce the return of its irregular attempt at making people looking for romance using a weekly newspaper's personal ads appear marginally humorous.
1) 5/19: LUNCH NXNW patio deck. You asked if I minded if you smoked, and then offered to swallow the offending cig. You were lovely! If you're single, please call. 3877
I'm reminded of Navin's carny girlfriend in The Jerk, for some reason.
2) DALLAS NIGHTCLUB 5/5. A- you caught me in the rain with my umbrella down. I'd like to send you flowers or write you another book. Please storm me again. -T Call 3749
Congrats. "Please storm me again" was voted Line Most Likely to Get You Laughed Out of a Bar by a selection of my female readers.
3) TOWN LAKE 4/26: jogger with Boxer pooch and black Mustang, we met at the water coolers but no water. I have traveled oceans of time to meet you. Call! 3739
And this one came in second.
4) 5/2 SPIDERHOUSE LATE afternoon. You were reading Mrs. Dalloway, I was across from you. We smiled a lot. Thanks for the pen -- I should have written down your name. 3743
And made a notation beside it that says, "Avoid anyone reading Mrs. Dalloway like the hantavirus."
5) 5/25 6:30PM. YOU: sexy blonde female driving black Pathfinder. Me: driving a Gold Z-71 truck. We were playing leap frog down I35 and then down Wm. Cannon. Let's play again. 3933
A relationship built on a shared love of wasting fossil fuels is a lasting one.
6) 5/4: TAVERN. BOY in the Girl Scouts t-shirt, beating me at trivia. We've met before...do you remember? Call 3745
"I helped you get your statutory rape merit badge."
7) KEN, WE MET at a party and plan to get married. Would love to hear from you. -M Call 3926
Wow, Ken seems to have discovered a line that's even better than "I ship out tomorrow."
8) WE MET AT MOJO's over two years ago: I was your minx for a night you were my dirty Jewish boy. forgot your name give me a call. 3929
The Hebrew Hammer, indeed.