August 16, 2004

A star is porn

Posted by pete at August 16, 2004 12:53 PM

Courtesy of Ginger, it appears Matt Damon is looking to expand his acting horizons somewhat:

Matt Damon has confessed he wants to star in a porn movie.

The heartthrob actor said: "What I want to do is make a character-driven porn movie. It's all going to be about the character and the porn's going to grow out of the characters."
...
He said: "My theory on action movies is that they're like porn movies.
A porn movie has got really bad writing, really bad acting and really thinly drawn characters. And then you get the action and you don't really feel anything for the action.'

I'm with him so far.

Matt, who is currently starring in the sequel to his hit film 'The Bourne Identity', told Britain's Independent newspaper: "You know how porn films rip off movie titles?

Well, a producer suggested we do 'The Porn Identity.'"

Stop, you're killing me.

If you're expecting me to be surprised by this turn of events, you haven't been reading my stuff for very long. I suggested just this sort of thing a few months back. Granted, I was talking about a way to spice up network TV, but mainstream Hollywood could see the same economic benefits. Sure, the theater box office might suffer (and you thought they picketed a lot for Last Temptation of Christ), but think of the home sales and rentals.

I suspect Damon is having a bit of a goof at the expense of the media (and this story is being reported by the World Entertainment News Network, which isn't exactly known for laserlike accuracy). Even if he isn't, his point about the naming of adult films is right on, and I couldn't let such an opportunity pass me by. And so, with little further ado, I present to you APCB's Top 12 Porn Names for Matt Damon Movies*:

12. Courage Under Myra
11. "Facing" Amy
10. The Stainmaker
9. Good Will Humping OR Oh My God That's Good, Will Hunting
8. Dogma Style
7. The Anally Talented Mr. Ripley
6. Titan DD
5. The Lodger in Bagger's Pants
4. Ball the Pretty Horses
3. Ocean's Eleven Inches
2. Spirit: Italian Stallion of the Cimarron
1. Stuck It In You

Have Damon's people call my people. We'll dine.

* Shaving Ryan's Privates has already been done

he could also star in "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang" if he wanted to reprise a Disney classic. Damon was an extra in "Field of Dreams" which would nicely translate into "Field of Cream" with the tagline of, 'if u build it, they will cum'

--Posted by Tim on August 16, 2004 1:56 PM

I think you forgot Fistic Pizza, and Gloryhole Daze. He also had a role in Jersey Girl on Girl.

--Posted by HWRNMNBSOL on August 16, 2004 1:57 PM

I like Michael's suggestion of Project Redlight, myself.

*fans self some more*

--Posted by Ginger on August 16, 2004 2:10 PM

Best episode ever. With this entry your true genius is revealed...

--Posted by MacinFla on August 16, 2004 9:08 PM

Don't forget "Pounders."

--Posted by Curmudgeon on August 16, 2004 11:43 PM

Matt Damon has done some matial arts in a couple of his movies. Maybe he could do a gay martial arts porn movie called, "Enter the Damon."

--Posted by denny on August 17, 2004 2:58 PM

These are hysterical. I almost peed my seriously large undergarments I was laughing so hard.

--Posted by babyjane on August 18, 2004 3:59 AM



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