A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

News recaplet

Missed Debate #2, so no pithy analysis from me here (The Wife's uncles all insisted Kerry got his ass handed to him, which didn't quite jibe with the coverage I saw on MSNBC and CNN, but what do those pinko networks know?). I'm pretty burned out, election-wise, to the point that whenever someone brings it up I tend to zone out to my happy place of free beer and video games. Sort of a media-generated thousand yard stare of political ennui.

Fortunately, there's always other news:

Teen singer and actress Hilary Duff has reportedly hit out at arch-rival Lindsay Lohan in a song on her latest album. The Lizzie McGuire blonde, 17, has been enemies with the 18-year-old redhead since they both discovered they were dating pop heart-throb Aaron Carter at the same time last year. In Duff's eponymous second album, the singer's track "Haters" is aimed at the Mean Girls actress, according to gossip site The Scoop. One insider says, "Hilary thinks that Lindsay has been directing negativity at her for too long."

Maybe I'm missing something, but shouldn't these bimbos be saving their anger for the guy who dogged them both at the same time? The possibility of a Lohan-Duff catfight at the Nickelodeon Awards must be too tantalizing for anyone to point this out, but I just find it a little hard to believe Carter - Unstoppable Sex Machine or not - doesn't get a little more flak for the situation. These feelings are, of course, tempered by resentment at the realization that I could never have gotten away with something similar.

Next, another misguided lawsuit:

Three of Hollywood director Richard Linklater's ex-classmates are suing Universal Studios, after enduring jokes over characters based on them in Dazed And Confused. Richard Floyd, Andy Slater and Bobby Wooderson claim Linklater never asked them if he could use their surnames for characters in the cult film. The men say they have been viewed in a different light by neighbors and friends ever since the 1993 movie, about a group of alcohol and drug-consuming students on the last day of school in 1976, was released. Slater's lawyer Ernest Freeman says people assume his client takes illegal narcotics because of the marijuana and LSD-loving character, played by Rory Cochrane, in Dazed and Confused. And Floyd, who now works at a car showroom in Huntsville, Texas, says, "We had fun in high school, but there is nothing true about that movie. Yet I am having to deal with it all the time."

Deal with what? Being associated with one of the coolest characters in a great film? Is the connection hampering your upward mobility at a freaking Huntsville car dealership? Afraid your buddies at the penitentiary will make jokes?

Of course they're "viewed in a different light." Their friends and neighbors used to think they were boring, middle-aged dorks, now they allow for the possibility that this may not always have been the case. If this lawsuit had a chance at succeeding, it would have to have been filed by people with names like O'Bannion, Clint, and Darla.

Finally, Eminem is as cutting edge as ever:

Eminem's hilarious new video features the rapper poking fun at Madonna, Michael Jackson, Pee Wee Herman and MC Hammer. The fun-loving rapper's new video "Just Lose It" features Paris Hilton, Eminem's 8 Mile co-star Mekhi Phifer, Erik Estrada and Bad Santa star Tony Cox. In one hilarious scene, Eminem, as Jackson, dashes into the toilet featured in the opening scenes of 8 Mile in an attempt to douse the fire in his hair - after an onstage pyrotechnics accident with Madonna. When the Jackson character comes face to face with the real Eminem, the rapper vomits all over him. Poking more fun at Jackson, Eminem, playing the pop superstar, accidentally knocks off his own nose during a disco scene and has to scramble around on the floor looking for it.

Wow, that's pretty edgy. No confirmation yet on rumors that Slim Shady's next video will feature his "in your face" takes on John Tesh and the movie Gigli.