Gay him up, Rodrigo:
Note to boys in the tiny Spurger, Texas, school district: Put away those high heels and pleated skirts. Instead, wear black boots and Army camouflage to school Wednesday.
This will also make it easier for the armed forces recruiters to single you out.
A parent's concerns prompted the district 150 miles northeast of Houston to scrap its annual "TWIRP Day" -- when boys dress like girls and girls dress like boys-- in favor of "Camo Day."
TWIRP stands for "The Woman Is Requested to Pay," and for years Spurger schools hosted the day during Homecoming Week to give boys and girls a chance to reverse social roles and let older girls invite boys on dates, open doors and pay for sodas.
Plano-based Liberty Legal Institute issued a news release Tuesday reporting that it "came to the aid of a concerned parent requesting an excused absence for her children on official cross-dressing day in her children's elementary school."
Uh oh. Anytime I see "Plano-based" I have to make sure someone's not creeping up behind me in order to perform a stealth baptism. Sure enough, LLI seems to spend most of their time filing amicus briefs in cases involving heathens trying to prevent good Christian folk from using school property for their prayerfests or sprinkling crosses on public property "near" an abortion clinic.
In that light, it's hardly surprising they'd leap to this poor victimized woman's defense.
"It is outrageous that a school in a small town in East Texas would encourage their 4-year-olds to be cross-dressers," Liberty Legal Institute attorney Hiram Sasser said in the release.
Tanner T. Hunt Jr., the school district's attorney, called Sasser's statement "inflammatory and misleading." Hunt said the district never planned or conducted a "cross-dressing day."
"They are a tiny little East Texas school district," said Hunt, a Beaumont attorney. "It never occurred to them that anyone could find anything morally reprehensible about TWIRP Day. I mean, they've been having it for years, probably for generations, and it's the first time anybody has complained."
How is this not like any other dress-up day? Is wearing a costume mandatory? Should my mother have sued for mental anguish when my high school had "Joe Cool" day and I didn't have a goddamned thing to wear?
Delana Davies, a 33-year-old mother of three, said she contacted Superintendent Angela Matterson on Tuesday after reading a school notice about "TWIRP Day."
Davies, whose 9-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter attend Spurger Elementary, said she viewed the day not a silly Homecoming Week activity, but as an effort to push a homosexual agenda in a public school.
"It's like experimenting with drugs," said Davies, who also has a 2-year-old daughter. "You just keep playing with it and it becomes customary. ... If it's OK to dress like a girl today, then why is it not OK in the future?"
And just think about what those queers are doing to the soil.
Sorry, but did she just describe school-sponsored dress-up days as a "gateway" to cross-dressing? I'd think that would make her happy, seeing as how the majority of cross-dressers are heterosexual.
Unsurprisingly, this isn't the first incident of its kind:
In Illinois, parent Laura Stanley complained this month about an "opposite sex" dress-up day at Carrier Mills-Stonefort Elementary School.
Stanley said the activities sent a message of gender confusion and risked subjecting her young daughters to sexual harassment by "a bunch of adolescent boys who have suddenly grown breasts and are groping themselves."
You'd prefer they practiced on your daughters? Shit, if it keeps such incidents down, give every teenage boy a pair of falsies and let him go crazy. Make them really big, too. That way adolescent girls won't seem as appealing.
In New York, officials at Hastings High School put a stop to Cross-Dressing Day in October after school officials suggested guys in chiffon skirts and brassieres and gals with painted-on mustaches were distracting and disrespectful to transgender people.
Got nothin' for that one.
Just so my biases are out in the open, I've infrequently experimented with wearing women's clothing. There was the Mardi Gras party my senior year of high school, two non-consecutive occasions in college, the '70s party (should've told The (Then) Girlfriend my plans in advance, boy howdy), and the years 1998-2000, inclusive.
I'll see if I can find some pics.
And burn them.
You know what Stuart? I like you.
You're not like the other people here in the trailer park.
You know what Stuart? I like you.
Oh, this one's a keeper.
How do we get in touch with Davies (mother who complained about homosexual agenda, as one, I remain clueless about what talking points are on the agenda, someone please get me in the loop) and tell her what a plain stupid dope she is.
And these are the same jackasses that go on nonstop about 'political correctness'?
Actually, the more I think about it, the better I think it is that they get rid of it. After all, I doubt very much that the end result was a huge understanding of opposite gender roles. I'm sure it was more like "Hey look, the captain of the football team's done dressed up like one uh them queers!"