President Bush Friday signed into law a measure authorizing an $800 billion increase in the credit limit of the United States, the White House said.
On Thursday, the Republican-controlled House voted 208-204 to pass the bill. Senate approval came on Wednesday.
Democrats said the debt limit increase, the third in as many years, was necessitated by Bush's "irresponsible" fiscal priorities, including what House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California described as tax cuts for the wealthy and corporate handouts.
Republicans say the 2001 recession and the costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as the aftermath of the Sept. 11 attacks are responsible for the fiscal shortfall.
They never get tired of trotting that one out, do they? As luck would have it, I recently overheard an intercepted tachyon transmission from the year 2733. The transcript reads as follows:
BEGIN STREAM ---
EARTH DATE 04182733GSM SRC-OMPERS 8
MSG (DECRYPT):
LEAD: NEW WASHINGTON - Exalted Earth Emperor and Most Benevolent Despot Vonder Haar addresses the Solar Council on his decision to up the planet's credit rating to Q740 quintillion, the largest increase in the debt limit since last orbit.
SPEECH: Greetings, citizens of the Sol System. As you well know, these last few cycles have brought many hardships to my planet. The Verdant Wars put us through quite an ordeal, though I can now proclaim, with confidence, that all of the mutinous indigenous plant life on Earth has been wiped out. And what disembodied brain could possibly forget the failed coup attempt by my loving and now-deceased wife? Truly, we will not look back upon these as the best of times.
And yet, even after courageously facing down these internal threats, Earth was still forced to contend with external foes. Ladies, gentlemen, and silicates, the enemies of freedom never rest, whether you're talking about the Gas Tyrants of Titan, or Lord Grnthx from the Fell Arachnoid Dimension. I think we can all agree that our ultimate victories over both offer proof that St. Affleck was surely watching over us.
But now is not the time to recline upon our arachnoid slaves, no! I say we must take extreme measures to ensure the safety of every dome-dweller within our magnetic fields. For this reason, I have upped Earth's credit limit to 740 quintillion quatloos. My opponents in the Solar Federation (including those infernal priests of Syrinx) incorrectly assert that my "irresponsibility" has led us to the brink of "fiscal disaster." They say I am a fear monger, not fit to wear the Crown of Thorg, the Robe of X'xtus, or the Brassiere of Pope Anna Nicole I.
To them I say, verily, stoppeth the drinking of the Haterade. Remember, it was a mere 732 years ago that our enemies flew primitive internal combustion aircraft into what were, at the time, two of the largest arcologies on the planet. Sadly, those who resent us our freedom are not content to act against us in the past. In a suspiciously timely turn of events, I have been informed by Secretary Garofalo, our Most Beatified Poobah of the Department of Fluffy Bunny Planetary Security, that she has incontrovertible proof that the Gas Tyrants were and are in league with these ancient terrorists. The good citizens of the Earth are up to the challenge, for they know the sacrifice it will take for oxygen-breathing carbon-based life forms to bring democracy to a region populated entirely by lighter-than-air agitators. Worse, I understand they are in cahoots with traitorous superintelligent sheets of cotton fabric.
That's right: muslin insurgents.
Our course is clear, sentients: we must gird ourselves for battle and invade the sovereign moon of Titan. And if you should happen upon any gaseous beings or plain weave blankets in your neighborhood, please contact the DFPBS for, er, questioning.
One more thing, I may have neglected to mention our new alliance with the Daleks. Please don't be alarmed to see them occasionally patrolling your commuter tubes.
END TRANSMISSION
Fascinating. And now I finally know what to make of the muffled cries of "Exterminate!" I kept hearing during playback.
"...all of the mutinous indigenous plant life on Earth has been wiped out."
I KNEW it! I hope they take the vegans first.
You can't refinance your student loans? Something must be desperately wrong somewhere; I'm getting, on average, 3-6 offers per week to refinance mine....
You can reconsolidate yours, by combining separate student loans into one new one at (hopefully) a lower interest rate. I already did that a few years back.
I'm talking about refinancing a la mortgages, which isn't allowed.
That's quite the imagination on you, man. This had me rolling over with laughter.
Bravo! Muslin insurgents! LMAO I almost snorted beverage.