A year ago at this time I was sitting in a hospital hallway in ill-fitting scrubs, hyperventilating into a gift shop bag, preparing for the stork to deliver my child. Was I in for a surprise, because as it turns out, there aren't any birds involved at all in the childbirth process. The closest thing actually being the pelican-like noises of fear issuing from yours truly as the Abominable Dr. Phibes removed my daughter from my wife's body in sterile yet loving fashion.
My biggest fear at the time - apart from getting any of that stuff on me - stemmed from my utter incompetence in the field of baby raisin'. My fervent hope was that we could make it a year without accidentally crushing/immolating/defenestrating our little girl. Having reached that milestone, I can now breathe a sigh of relief, as I understand the whole parenting gig is pretty much a cakewalk from here on out.
Happy birthday, kiddo. Keep on rockin'.
Congratulations! I won't say that things get harder from here on out...but they do get more...interesting. Heh.
Happy birthday to that little kid of yours. Just remember to become really boring before she reaches impressionable age. If that kid rebels against who you are now, she's gonna be a complete right-wing christian asshole.
In the words of Patton Oswalt, "The most recent album you own should be Phil Collins' No jacket required".
Happy Birthday, She Who!
We're halfway there to that first milestone ourselves. No defenestrations here as yet. Having windows that are painted shut helps, I might add.
Happy Birthday to the Perfectly Cromulent Baby.
And kudos for the creative use of defenestration.
Happy Birthday, She Who Shall.....! And congratulations to Daddy and Momma. The sleepless nights, walking the floor, hand wringing, general tsouris have paid off...huh?...what?...oh, she's not a teenager? Never mind. ;) ;)
Happy Birthday, Chardonnay!*
However, when she's older, you need to tell her that joke about the drummer surrounded by beautiful people of the opposite sex in hell, and the punch line's something about how it's their hell or something. You know the one.
*http://www.whiterose.org/pete/blog/archives/006785.html