The Astros may have fallen just short of the World Series, but Houston will always be #1 at something, it appears:
One minute Mayor Bill White debunked Men's Fitness magazine's methodology for labeling Houston the nation's fattest city, and the next minute he announced a new wellness initiative to combat the label.
"It's calculated with voodoo and fraud," White said of the rankings of 50 cities across the nation featured in the magazine's February issue, with Houston back in fattest place.
The magazine put Houston in second place last year, behind Detroit, but for three straight years before that Houston topped the list of heavyweights.
To determine the rankings, the magazine staff does not actually weigh anyone, but examines 14 elements of city life, including the number of fast food and pizza restaurants.
Hey, everything's bigger in Texas.
Of course they don't weigh anyone. Hard data might actually throw a wrench into that whole (# of fast food joints)/(# of gyms) formula that forms the basis for their annual publicity whoring. Sure, bad air quality and a climate that makes us stock up on Gold Bond in the summer doesn't help, but this isn't Mercury, you idiots. Plenty of people still work out and play sports outdoors in this city, even in August. If anything, that makes our citizens tougher than those in the alleged #1 fittest city, Seattle. How much intestinal fortitude does it take to strap on the running shoes when it's 60 degress and overcast every damn day?
Results of the creative formula differ from the findings of more official medical research. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for example, has ranked Houston high — but not highest — in studies of obesity in American cities.
However, the magazine's annual report gets it a lot of publicity and elicits response.
Mayor White's response to this is all wrong. He shouldn't be going on the Today Show with the editor of Men's Fitness and declaring bold new health initiatives, he should challenge him to an eat-off. We'll declare our champion, probably Steve McKinney of the Texans, and afterwards - when the editor is lying prostrate on the ground below a half empty platter of Shipley's glazed donuts and crawfish - White can smother him with a chicken fried steak before planting a Texas flag in his chest.
At his fat-fighting news conference, White said the magazine editor told him if Houston follows through on the initiative, it likely will drop below fifth place next year, but the mayor has a bigger goal in mind.
"Let's get off that list," he said.
You've got bigger things to worry about, Mr. Mayor. Ignore these metrosexual assholes, get the firefighters a new contract, and resolve this pension thing. If it'll help, I'll switch to "lite" beer for the next month week or so.
You'd think the Mayor of such a "large" city would have better things to do than refute tabloidesque allegations. Who cares where fat people live in the USA? We're still the most morbidly obease country in the world. There's plenty of national shame to go around regardless of which city is the most corpulent.
Now, Mayor White: get back to work on something substantive.
Yeah, we're not fat. We're big boned.
Big bones: possibly the weakest explination for being overweight of all time. Especially amoung parents too blind/stupid/ignorant to recognize that their pre-teens are dangerously overweight. (Seems like you can't swing a dead cat these days without hitting some fat little kid).
If you wouldn't let your 8 year old play with switch blades, smoke cigarettes, drink moon shine, or base-jump - all in the name of "the child's safety" - why would you let them become obease? The dangers involved with childhood obeasity are fairly well documented and get regular play in the main stream media.
Why not just give junior a pint of bourbon and a pack of Camel lights with his or her Happy Meal while your at it and go for the trifecta?
That stupid list gives me the shits every time. Their methodology is useless, and lumping an entire city's attitude toward fitness and health together based on the number of sports clubs/air quality/time spent in traffic is an insult to those who do *real* statistics work (not that I'm one of them; I'm sure I'd fail a statistics class with personal tutoring from the professor).
Then again, maybe it gives me the shits because I eat it too fast. After all, I lived in Houston once, too.
I blame the Elvis Presley Memorial Platter at Chuys for the entire obesity problem in Houston.