The Norbster has issued a challenge to all of us to list the movies we've seen in the IMDb's Bottom 100. I'm pretty sure I've done this before somehwere else, but in the interest of exposing you all to the glamorous life of the movie critic, here goes (click "more" for the list):
100. The Avengers
98. Surf Ninjas
Few if any movies thematically centered on ninjas can truly be called bad. IMDb voters would be wise to remember this, especially if they don’t want a wakasashi in the caboose.
97. Best Defense
95. Speed 2: Cruise Control
The first Speed made $121 million, the second: $48 million.
Maybe Keanu’s smarter than everyone suspects.
92. Mac and Me
91. Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
I always get this one mixed up in my head with Quest for Fire, which leads to some extremely disturbing mental imagery. Not that there isn’t Superman/Lex Luthor slash fiction out there already, of course.
86. Iron Eagle II
It’s not surprising that Lou Gossett Jr. made a sequel to the mediocre Iron Eagle, but that he made two more after this one. Gossett is perhaps the most blatant example of Supporting Actor Oscar winners who plummet into awfulness, though Cuba Gooding Jr. is giving him a run for his money.
84. Universal Soldier: The Return
In the theater, no less. Most definitely not on a date.
83. Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice
81. The Mangler
I'm pretty sure Maximum Overdrive was on this list at some point as well. Both it and The Mangler merely reinforces the theorem (and I realize CotCII isn't precisely Stephen King material) that King's stuff just doesn't translate well to the screen. Of course, I have to wonder who greenlit the idea of a film about a demon-possessed speed-ironer. I suspect Jon Peters had something to do with it.
79. RoboCop 3
77. Jaws 3-D
Once you hit the 3rd in a series, you're well past the point of no return in terms of hanging it up. Both the second RocoCop and Jaws movies were lackluster, but still watchable. The same can hardly be said for these, though I still maintain that Jaws 3-D is a comedy triumph. Also saw both of these in the theater (the latter with 3-D glasses, no less).
Useless trivia: Jaws 3-D was the first movie Lou Gossett Jr. made after his Oscar-winning performance in An Officer and a Gentleman.
72. Double Dragon
67. Street Fighter
I'm too lazy to check, but I think Jean-Claude Van Damme has something like 600 movies in the Bottom 100.
65. The Brain that Wouldn't Die
62. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
61. Rhinestone
It's refreshing to see some big budget studio turds on this list. Small, independently-produced films like Manos and all that German crap at the bottom of the heap are easy to laugh off, but it takes a special kind of maelvolent skill to take recognizable stars and millions of dollars and still turn out a stinker like Rhinestone.
60. Spice World
For the umpteenth time, I will defend the virtues of this film. which can be summed up with the following phrase: pre-bulimia Geri Halliwell in a Wonder Woman costume. Thank you, and good night.
59. Tarzan, the Ape Man
Under the Pete's Unabashed Dictionary entry for "awkward," you'll find this definition:
Watching Tarzan, the Ape Man on HBO with my parents at the age of 11.
Not much eye contact made with mom and dad that night, I can tell you.
57. Bride of the Monster
Filling the huge Bela Lugosi/Tor Johnson gap left when Plan 9 from Outer Space gained cult popularity.
54. Captain America
53. Piranha 2: The Spawning
One cannot call himself a James Cameron or Lance Henriksen completist without having this in their collection.
51. Smokey and the Bandit 3
52. Police Academy 5 - Assignment: Miami Beach
48. Teen Wolf Too
45. Police Academy 6 - City Under Siege
I can only equate my grim determination to watch all the Police Academy movies with the compulsion other have to read Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. At least my sickness takes less time.
42. Bolero
40. The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Still better than the 2003 remake.
38. Jaws: The Revenge
Wait, are you saying Michael Caine was in a shitty movie? Perish the thought.
36. Cool As Ice
JOHNNY
Drop the zero and...dammit, Kathy. I just can't go on with this macho facade anymore. Must I keep up this frosted hair, Ninja-riding, angular jawline bluster? Or can I come to you as I really am?
KATHY
Um, I guess so.
JOHNNY
Hold me.
Couldn’t be any worse than the actual dialogue.
35. Hercules in New York
33. Baby Geniuses
Yeah, Baby Geniuses is absolute shit, but its overall lack of anything resembling quality is made all the more disturbing when you realize the director, Bob Clark, also helmed Porky's and A Christmas Story. Maybe he had one of those Regarding Henry incidents where some head injury made him so mentally challenged he only wanted to be good. Only, in an ironic twist, his post-trauma films have loosed more evil on the world than he could have ever imagined.
31. Battlefield Earth
Everybody who piled on this kind of missed the point. Yeah, it's ridiculous that humans 1000 years removed from technology could learn to pilot aircraft (that are inexplicably still operable a millennium later) and defeat their alien overlords...but only if you didn't read the book. What kind of movie did you expect to come out of that pile of crap?
29. Robot Monster
27. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
I'm really surprised these are still as high up on the list as they are.
When the inevitable Phil Tucker revival comes along, Robot Monster should be supplanted by Pearl Harbor.
26. The Giant Spider Invasion
Laugh it up, but the poster for this sure made six year-olds like yours truly think it was going to be scarier than it was.
Then again, maybe it was because of that Sid & Marty Krofft font. Sigmund and the Sea Monsters always creeped me out.
22. Police Academy: Mission to Moscow
See above.
20. Going Overboard
I don't have a comment for Adam Sandler's first feature film, except to say I can't believe this is out on DVD, and I'm still waiting for the special edition of Half Baked.
14. Hobgoblins
13. Troll 2
Where the hell is Critters 3?
12. Eegah
Surely we can end our nation's long period of suffering over this. And can we finally forgive Arch Hall Sr.? Sure, he directed the horrific Eegah, but he also wrote The Corpse Grinders, the best film ever made about corpse grinding.
Call it a push.
8. Future War
7. From Justin to Kelly
I have a lame excuse. FJtK came on Cinemax when I was so weak from food poisoning I literally couldn't lift the remote.
Sure helped move my bowels, though.
3. 'Manos' the Hands of Fate
Woof. That's some list.
I'd like to point out that none of these were "cheats," i.e. watched via MST3K. I'm not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of that.
That's only 43, which is down some from my previous tally. I blame these upstart newer movies from knocking some of the classics off the list. Then again, it still comes out to about 3 solid days of my life spent allowing John Travolta and Vanilla Ice to pollute my subconscious until the end of time.
Then there's Chuck, who chimes in with his big one entry. What's the deal, Chuck? You actually value your free time or something?
Any such list that is not headlines by "Mazes and Monsters" is not valid. It makes Eyes Wide Shut look good.
Nah, I just think it's more fun to spend my free time reading about other people's bad movie experiences than watching the bad movies myself. It all comes out in the wash.
I looked at the list and I'm not sure I've seen any of the movies. I know I haven't seen the two Michael saw.
Ginger: You saw the Avengers with me. Mrs. Peel, we're needed.
I am shocked, absolutely shocked to say that I have only seen two of the movies in the Bottom 100. Drum roll please...Mannequin: On the Move, and Mac and Me. Now, I will say that I have seen a crapload of awful movies that I think should be in the Bottom 100 but aren't, so I'm not going to act like I've never seen a bad flick. Anyone ever sampled Back to the Beach? Oh yes, I've seen it. Multiple times.
Mortal Kombat doesn't deserve to be on the list. You just have to have been into the video game at some point to appricate it's value.
Any such list that is not headlines by "Mazes and Monsters" is not valid.
Of for crying out...hey, who wants to go in with me and get Michael a VHS copy of Mazes and Monsters off eBay so he can sacrifice it to whatever dark gods will lift the lingering blackness from his soul? There's a copy being auctioned now for only $7.95. American.
And M&M will never be included on lists like these because it was a TV movie.
Just send it to Wayne Dolcefino, he'll do for your dark god...
Actually M&M is rated a 4.3 by several hundred of the fine raters of the IMDB, placing it 0.9 above the 100th film, The Avengers, which is rated 3.4. It is twice as highly rated as "Glitter".
Michael: I did NOT see the Avengers with you. I was sick.
There was much bitching by me before the movie and by you afterwards.
Oh, ha, I have to take it back anyway. I've seen Mortal Kombat. Even if you don't like the movie, buy the soundtrack. It's the perfect CD to play while getting some action--and I don't mean the spine-ripping-out kind either.
I recall seeing the first Mortal Kombat, but not the sequel. That the way a lot of this list is: sequels that I didn't like the first one enough to delve into.
Except, of course, for Mazes and Monsters.
I am so proud to say that I have never seen any of the bottom 100.
Did I ever mention how I love to be called "The Norbster" by older men?
Well I've only seen two, but with the MST3K cheat. Manos the hand of fate and Eegah.
Fucking A. Another defender of Spice World. See Norb's original post on this for my shock and disgust at it being on the list.
Hating the Spice Girls is as unoriginal and pointless as hating William Hung. This movie brilliantly captures what it is to be overexposed. Future generations will love this movie and make fun of those who put it on their worst 100 list.
Ack, I've seen 38 of them, though Manos, Eegah!, Space Mutiny and Hobgoblins were MST3K'ed.
The thing once again here is that a bunch of these aren't that bad, but get voted that badly for "fun", and there are higher rated movies that are worse.
I would just like to take a moment to point out that "An officer and a gentleman" sucked donkey. And that Lou Gosset Jr. did the worst impression of a marine D.I. EVER. EVER, I tell you.