February 3, 2005

"You wouldn't have this problem if you killed yourself after the prom like I told you to."

Posted by pete at February 3, 2005 11:14 AM

It wasn't quite enough to make me relapse into feverish jitters, but I was close there for a minute. They just played a song on Sirius 26 (the "college" rock station) called - I shit you not - "Existentialism on Prom Night" by the band Straylight Run.

And yes, it's just as preciously awful as it sounds.

I've got a prom night song for you. It's about a guy who gets dumped two weeks before the prom by the girl he was supposed to go with (and had been dating for eight months) because her Big College Man ex-boyfriend is coming back to town and it turns out she was never over him the whole time they were going out. Then, for an ironic twist, College Man cancels his plans a week later and she comes back to the guy to see if he still wants to go. He can even wear his black Converse high-tops (which he was planning on wearing in the first place), she says, and he tells her to jam it crossways. He then ends up spending prom night eating pizza and watching The Terminator and The Empire Strikes Back with his mom and dad, who deep down are probably terrified that the experience will turn their only son into one of those desperately annoying emo suckholes who might actually write a horrible song about the whole thing and call it something like "No One Sees My Tears" or "Shoebox Casanova."

In reality he was just relieved he didn't have to shell out the money to get his car fixed.

Huh. That was cathartic.

It's posts like these that make me pissed that you're a married man. LOVE YA, PETE!!!

--Posted by Tracy on February 3, 2005 11:37 AM

Mad props for telling her where to stick it when she tried to come crawling back. I know I would've erred and taken the Weaker Path in that scenario.

--Posted by Brandon on February 3, 2005 12:33 PM

Sorry to hear about the prom, but if it makes you feel any better, the people who they targeted the song to think they're the biggest group of douchebags ever.

--Posted by Leighann on February 3, 2005 2:36 PM

There's nothing like jump-kicking someone in the back of the head to relieve a little residual teenage angst.

http://www.dropkickthefaint.com/

--Posted by denny on February 3, 2005 3:11 PM

Man, I just had to drink a beer even from reading that post. Good on ya, Pete.

--Posted by Curmudgeon on February 4, 2005 9:27 AM

You know there's such a thing as too much truth.

--Posted by corndog on February 4, 2005 9:27 PM

Pete, I'm probably old enough to be your big sister (not your mom, no way) but I would have loved to go to prom with you. I could've worn my Bazooka bubblegum comic strip Hi-Tops.

--Posted by BabyJane on February 4, 2005 9:54 PM



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