Not many surprises at the Oscars last night. Chris Rock toed the line like everyone except ABC was pretty sure he would. Jamie Foxx and Hilary Swank won, like everyone was pretty sure they would, and Morgan Freeman won the lifetime achievement award, also know as Best Supporting Actor, like everyone but me was pretty sure he would (I was under the delusion he’d won before).
What follows is my somewhat coherent, “live” commentary, which is only now showing up because I forgot to actually publish it last night, and server issues kept me from doing it earlier today.
7:38 – Rock’s monologue had its moments, but the Catwoman 2 joke right before Halle Berry came out was pretty damn funny.
7:40 – My faith in humanity if maintained for a few more minutes: no Oscar for Phantom of the Opera.
7:51 – A better use of that 5-second delay that Robin Williams was apparently protesting would have been to just crop his entry entirely. Nice going, ABC.
8:13 – ...and that’s the only time Martin Lawrence will ever appear on an Academy Awards show.
8:20 – Jesus, the “Tim Robbins is a liberal” joke has been so beaten into the ground, the guy’s probably a Republican by now. (UPDATE: Or maybe not)
8:23 – Good. In a very tough field, I’m glad Cate Blanchett won. Though a Virginia Madsen victory would've brought much needed closure to my decades long Princess Irulan obsession.
8:30 – What A Surprise – Born into Brothels wins. In the Documentary category, always bet on Nazis or Third World children.
8:37 – The Wife noted that Sideshow Adam Duritz is doing a poor job distracting people from his encroaching hair loss.
8:43 – For the record, the Catherine Zeta-Jones gag was an incredibly unfunny way to get the two leads from The Longest Yard on stage at the same time.
8:49 – How the hell is Mickey Rooney still alive?
9:05 – Any Andrew Lloyd Webber composition would benefit from a little Beyonce booty-shaking. Sadly, it is not to be.
9:13 – I love the Shorts nominees (“We’re on TV!”). Oh, and Bill Plympton is hilarious.
9:21 – Ray finally wins one.
9:41 – How many times are we going to cut to Dustin Hoffman? Is it in his rider that he has to be shown every ten minutes?
9:50 – Those damned Hollywood liberals…clapping more for Jerry Orbach than Ronald Reagan.
9:56 – Always nice to see an appearance by noted cinema auteur P. Diddy.
9:58 - And the Beyonce Show continues. I can’t be the only one who wanted Rob Zombie to hang glide in and decapitate Josh Groban.
10:01 – Sean Penn looks like the drunk best man about to make a toast. And put your money on him in a fight against Chris Rock.
10:04 – What A Surprise, pt. 2 – Swank wins. Your time will come Kate, I promise.
10:15 – Good speech from Amenábar. Little by little, the memories of Benigni are flushed away.
10:26 – What A Surprise, pt. 3 – Foxx wins. His acceptance speech is a truly touching paean to child abuse.
10:33 – Maybe I’m the only one who was surprised, but I was kind of thinking Scorsese would finally win one. At least Eastwood’s speech allowed ABC to show Sidney Lumet’s daughters(?) one more time.
The show ran a hair over three hours (not counting the circle jerk of pre-ceremony coverage I somehow failed to watch). Not too shabby. I did enjoy the way my DVR program guide kept pushing the news back from 10:10 (please) to 10:30 to, finally, 10:45. It was like one of those 700 Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes where they encounter a "temporal anomaly."
I was actually favorably impressed by Sean Combs' appearance; he was articulate and charismatic.
>His acceptance speech is a truly touching paean >to child abuse.
And I'll bet all the masochists in the Kodak Theater audience and all around the world were crying in recognition and appreciation.
I was also struck by the Sidney Lumet follwing. I read wehre he's been married four times Once to Gloria Vanderbilt and another to Leena Horne's daughter. Could the comely lass in the middle have been his current spouse or Leena Horne's offspring. Or as I told my wife "I bet its his, his current and his mistress.
I thought Morgan Freeman had won an Oscar before too, Pete. I think his acceptance speech was certainly worthy of the award...short, sweet, controlled and very classy.
When is Sean Penn going to get past his rich kid, small man's complex? I'm so tired of his pugilistic persona. Frankly, I think his acting chops are highly overrated. It's just that people in Hollywood have trouble detecting the difference between talented actor and wildly insecure, pampered, pugnacious asshole.
Poor Chris Rock. I'm not a big fan of his but seeing him totally neutered in that venue made me feel very sympathitic toward him. I think the Oscars are sorely in need of some class and wise, gray heads. Does everything freaking thing in this country *have* to be marketed to testoterone spiking, pimply faced teenaged boys?
P. S. Does anyone besides me think the Kodak Theater would have burned if Jamie Foxx hadn't won? Then again, would anyone from "scary part of town" L.A. have cared?
P.P.S. Can Scorcese walk under Mickey Rooney's legs carrying an umbrella?
"I can’t be the only one who wanted Rob Zombie to hang glide in and decapitate Josh Groban."
FUNNY!
We went to the Alamo Drafthouse's Oscar party last night -- you should have heard the ruckus when 200 people jeered the Lumet girl's ridiculous pneumatic breasts!
For some reason, I was obsessed with celebrity boobs last night. Julia Roberts? Breastfeeding. Gwyneth Paltrow? No longer breastfeeding. Salma Hayek? hubba hubba! Hilary Swank? Yowza, even in my grandma's dress.
I am quite annoyed that Sideways didn't get more props, but not surprised in the least. And I only got 12 categories right in the Oscar pool. meh.