Melanie over at delicate flower is expecting a baby. You can enter the sex/birthdate pool in the comments, and even suggest a name. Considering she's having a wedding in less than a month and covering SXSW next week, I'm not surprised she doesn't have the time to think of one herself.
I mean, I'm covering the Film part of SXSW, but all that means is I get to sit on my ass for 2-hour chunks of time 4 or 5 times a day.
But the name thing got me reminiscing. Back when The Wife and I were still deciding on what to call our child, and before we actually had one, I hit upon a great idea for a boy's name: Lucifer.
Let me finish. See, when I was a kid, "Peter" wasn't that popular a moniker, which might have had something to do with all the crap associated with it. Before the age of 12, I had heard infinite variations on my name's association with Rabbits, Cottontails, Pumpkin Eaters, and Pipers Picking a Peck of something or another. After that, I was treated to daily reminders of how you could substitute my name for a certain part of the male anatomy. Boy, that never got old, and thanks to Mom and Dad for the unending stream of laughs.
Even so, there were a couple other guys named "Peter" in my school and/or neighborhood when I was growing up. There were also any number of "Michaels," "Brads," or "Steves." After a while, when your acquaintances started settling out and you became friends with a few people, this wasn't a big deal, but you can imagine the strain involved for parents trying to remember who the hell their kid was hanging out with:
Dad: How was your day, son?
Son: Pretty good, Dad. I went to the park with John.
Dad: John O'Connor or John Parker?
Son: John Emdall.
Dad: Who the hell is that?
Son: Swear jar. He's new. Just transferred from New Jersey.
Dad: So how many Johns is that now?
Son: Six, you forgot John Bigboote, John Ya Ya, and John Small Berries.
Dad: Jesus Christ.
Son: Swear jar, Dad.
Just imagine. But if your kid's hanging out with someone named "Lucifer," there'd be no "Lucifer who?" or "Which Lucifer?" Everyone in town would know who you were talking about.
And if we'd had twins, I'd name the second one Judas. Judas Priest Vonder Haar
The Wife and I are still in negiotiations as of press time.
And if it was a girl, would you have gone with either Lilith or Kali?
Kali. I like Shiva too, but she's the creator as well as the destroyer. Where's the fun in that?
Baby, I think it is cute that you actually believe that you had any part in our baby's name. Negiotiations! -- Thanks for the smile!
In high school, in 1972, I walked in late to Biology class one day. It turned out to be the one day the teacher decided that, since we weren't getting the information anywhere else, he'd spend the period talking about human sexuality. So the first thing I hear when I walk in is, "It's good to have a Peter around for this discussion." As you say, an unending stream of laughs.
Personally, I've always wanted to have 4 kids, and to give them first names of Biff, Cubby, Muffy and Missy, and middle names of War, Famine, Pestilence and Death. Let them choose which to go by.
And let's face it. Biff War Zucker has a certain ring to it. Unfortunately, Muffy Pestilence does sorta suck.
I think you should your first male offspring (and may he be a masculine child!) White Zinfandel... it sounds like an 80s European synth band, and it would compliment his sister (Chardonnay) quite nicely. A truly fitting moniker for the 16th Earl of Dordrecht.
And I can't believe the former Mrs. Jeff Bagwell reads this P.O.S. weblog.
I recall that I suggested a Kurt Russell theme for the baby's name back when y'all were "negotiating" about it. I still think Snake Plisskin Von Der Haar would be a kickass moniker.
I imagine a name like Lucifer is the kryptonite to enervate all would-be recess tormentors. Who the hell's gonna make fun of a kid named Lucifer? Not me. That's for sure.
I think we're gonna see a wave of children all named 'Lyndie'.
Personally, I'm just waiting for mistresslyndie.com to spring up.
Try walking around with the initials BJ. And I had older brothers with thuggish friends who tormented me endlessly. I think I was 8 or 9 before I finally figured out what it stood for, and I was 17 before I really figured out what it meant.
Nice Buckaroo Bonzai references by the way!
Wow. It's the gratuitous Buckaroo Bonzai references that keep me coming back. Laugh while you can, monkey-boy.