Our long local nightmare is over:
Roger Clemens' prized burnt orange Hummer, stolen from his son's high school during classes Wednesday, was later found dumped in a southwest Houston parking lot.
No arrests had been made Wednesday night. A tip to Crime Stoppers helped officers find the vehicle, police said.
The famous truck was stolen from the Memorial High School on Echo Lane near the Katy Freeway around 8:30 a.m. after Clemens' son, Koby, an 18-year-old senior at the school, parked it there. The vehicle was in fine condition when it was recovered later that afternoon in a parking lot in the Bissonnet and Dairy Ashford area, said Spring Branch Independent School District Police Chief Chuck Brawner.
I'll just bet it was in fine condition. Speaking from my own personal high school vehicular experience, they first might want to confirm the whereabouts of Koby's friends during the time the Hummer was missing.
It's possible, however unlikely, that someone was dumb enough to steal an orange Hummer. The fact that the car wasn't driven all that far lends credence to that. But all it takes is giving someone access to your keys for a moment, however, and you find yourself coming home from a band trip to find your alarm activated and beer cans and Taco Bell wrappers strewn across the floorboards of your beloved '75 Buick.
Not that I'm singling anyone out, peenman.
The baseball great, 42, a father of four sons, spoke with Brawner on the phone Wednesday morning and caught a plane back to Houston.
Hell, there's your answer: they ditched the car as soon as they heard Koby's dad was on his way back. Say what you want about Clemens, that sumbitch is big.
You know Pete, your theory has the ring of truth to it. I remember when I was in highschool it was one of the standard jokes to swipe your buddy's car move it six blocks and then walk back to classes. Hell, I had a VW bug, which meant in that the football players, if they were feeling particularily fiesty that morning might pick it up and move it behind the school, say in between a couple of metal poles where you could not possibly drive it away or even open the doors. I'm not pickin' on them, I know I stole at least three of their trucks at one point or another during senior year alone. Alright, not really stole so much as got in, drove off, parked, and then went back to class. It was a small town, it was what you did for shits and grins.
I don't want to get all liberal, prius driving leftie, but What the fuck does a high school kid need with a Hummer (the vehicle)? Are there no roads in the rich suburbs of Houston? Is Junior Clemens expecting an insurgent uprising at the next pep rally? Oh well, I guess I shouldn't blame Roger, it was probably that leathery skank of a wife of his that bought it for the kid.
Clearly, you've never driven in Houston. Between the mass I-10/610/59 construction, frequent flooding, fault lines and disappearing hunks of cement where the roads sink into the earth on a daily basis, we all need Hummers to get around.
And don't even get me started on the risk of uprisings in the greater Houston metropolitan area.
Crimestoppers offered half of the $10k reward to recover it.
Aren't you glad that Crimestoppers offers the same reward for an athlete's car that he gave to his son that didn't bother to lock it as, say, wanted murderers?