A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Official end of the month casting news

How this is "official," I couldn't tell you. Like Mr. Smarty Pants, I'm just repeating stuff I hear from different sources. The only common thread being my need for strong drink afterwards.

First, Orlando Bloom as a young James Bond?

Sky Movies reports the British hunk is in serious talks about a series of films based on an idea by a new author about the early life of the MI6 agent. Bloom says "I love the idea, in principle, as he can be far more adventurous and do more stunts. This is as near as I think I will get to playing the grown up James for the next 20 years."

This film series, which Miramax and Dreamworks have both been barracking for already, would be based on a new series of young 007 novels which began this year with 'Silverfin' which has already become a best seller. In the book set in the 1930's, a teenage James Bond spends a holiday at a remote castle where he soon comes upon a mystery involving killer eels and an arms tycoon conducting dangerous genetic experiments.

Killer eels. I sincerely hope they also a) shriek or b) have frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.

Putting this together will be a neat trick, since I was under the impression Eon Productions (now making Casino Royale) controlled all Bond film rights and wasn't interested in making any "Young Bond" movies. Securing Bloom for the role might have changed their minds, however.

Oh, and IESB is reporting that Clive Owen wil be Bond in CR:

After a few questions about Sin City and about other upcoming work we asked him about the rumors regarding James Bond. "Yes or no to Bond," we asked. He said this while nodding his head 'yes', "I will be busy for a while" and then our colleauge next to us asked again, "any truth to the James Bond rumors?" "I'll be busy for a while," he repeated with a grin and smile.

I wouldn't antagonize Owen, guys. That guy looks like he could punch through your chest, like Richard Pryor's dad.

As with all Bond rumors, I'll believe these when I see an official announcement. I've said repeatedly that I like Owen for Bond, and that I don't really like Bloom at all. For anything.

Next, with Dukes of Hazzard and A-Team movies in the works, who's really surprised at this news?

According to IMDB, Catherine is set to play Pamela Ewing in the film version of [Dallas]... with rumours that Brad Pitt may be co-starring - although producers have refused to confirm his involvement. Screenwriter Robert Harling said of the Dallas project: "The story starts with Bobby and Pam meeting and getting married.

"It is reinventing the Ewing family as if they exist in 2006 when the movie comes out. We want to make a big, all-star, flashy, go-for-it version of the TV series."

If Brad does sign up to the film, he won't find it too tricky to conjure up images of the hit series, after he himself appeared in a few episodes of Dallas in 1988, as Randy - boyfriend of Charlotte Wade (Shalane McCall).

Imagine my shock when I checked the IMDB and discovered that damn show ran until 1991. Of course, in a perfect world, they'd switch cities, change the name of the show to Houston, and make the film about a family who runs an unscrupulous energy trading company.

Purely fictitious, of course.

Finally, some good news (for fans of '80s ninja movies, anyway):

Sho Kosugi, who toplined a series of ninja films that began with "Enter the Ninja," is returning for a tail-kicking encore. Kosugi will reprise his role in "The Return of the Ninja," a film being scripted by Steven de Souza ("Die Hard"). Kosugi will play the last ninja master, who travels to the U.S. to find the American heir to the stealth martial arts legacy.

And that American heir will be played by...Orlando Bloom.

I want to see a Revenge of the Ninja/Pirates of the Caribbean crossover that answers the "ninja vs. pirate" question once and for all.