April 6, 2005

Turn around, "Bright Eyes"

Posted by pete at April 6, 2005 12:36 PM

And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

From Spin magazine comes the devastating news that emo crybaby Conor Oberst doesn't really like Texas:

Bright Eyes' Conor Oberst lashed out as a crowd during a Texas concert, proclaiming from the stage: "I'd put a fucking gun to my head before I'd live in your state."

I don't recall anyone extending the invitation, but your opinion is noted. Unfortunately, the blurb doesn't really give any context to the quote, so for all I know someone lobbed a cowpie at him and pissed him off. Rather than give him the benefit of the doubt, and as someone who's had to listen to his turgid whining, I will instead say that I'd rather put a gun to my head than sit through an entire goddamn Bright Eyes album.

Luckily for Oberst, I have the gift of precongition, and I can say with authority that he will one day make Texas his home.

You see, the masses of disaffected suburban teenagers who actually buy into his overwrought ("oberwrought?") petulance will eventually grow up and realize all the tortured lyricis and Robert Smith imitations in the world don't amount to actual depth, and they will move on. They will discover Johnny Cash and the Replacements, and listen to these bands with eyes downcast from their earlier folly, never discussing those dark days of their youth.

Oberst, meanwhile, will move to Austin, assuming it to be the best place for a comeback. After drunkenly proclaiming himself the heir apparent to Bob Dylan at the Continental Club, however, he is beaten and left for dead near Enchanted Rock, where he is devoured by fire ants.

It ain't a gun, Conor, but I hope it works for you.

I think Billy Corgan said the same thing after having a shoe thrown at him in the mid-90s during a show at Rockefeller's (or was it Fitzgerald's?).

I don't know who this douchebag currently at issue is (although this picture gives me about 98% of the clue that I need)... but he should have been careful. Someone might have been packing some concealed heat and apartment lease, and offered to loan them to him to test the theory.

Be sure to check out his clarifying comments: "If you came to this show tonight, you're not a normal Texan. If you were a normal Texan, you'd probably be roping steers and raping Indians." What a poet-warrior.

--Posted by norbizness on April 6, 2005 2:03 PM

Ugh . . . not cool, man. I don't know, I kinda liked some of his songs but his voice has the same kind of garbledy quality as Torgo from Manos: The Hands of Fate. I couldn't listen to a whole album without wanting to off myself, either, out of a mixture of frustration and depression.

--Posted by Vestal Vespa on April 6, 2005 2:28 PM

Conor who?

--Posted by denny on April 6, 2005 2:28 PM

Thanks for the link. I especially like how Lomax pointed out that Oberst is from fucking Nebraska. My favorite part:

Hey, Conor, at least when Mr. Young came out with "Southern Man" he was accurate about some of the people in the South and had the decency to be Canadian and not another Yankee hypocrite eager to offload the whole nation's sins onto one state or region.

And, oh yeah, then there's this: Neil Young is talented.

Good old Lomax.

--Posted by Pete on April 6, 2005 2:29 PM

While I agree that Oberst can come across as a petulant shit a little too often for my liking I've got to say that the last three albums (and only ones I've heard) are little short of fantastic. I'm Wide Awake is easily as good as Young's country albums. As for Pete's comments about musical taste (to paraphrase: once these bloody kids hear some *decent* music then they'll understand why they were wrong) I'm a big Cash and Young fan amongst others and have no plans on renouncing Bright Eyes any time soon.

--Posted by Greg Smyth on April 6, 2005 2:47 PM

As for Pete's comments about musical taste (to paraphrase: once these bloody kids hear some *decent* music then they'll understand why they were wrong) I'm a big Cash and Young fan amongst others and have no plans on renouncing Bright Eyes any time soon.

No one asked you to, but spare me the "old fart" angle. It's a demonstrable fact that young people listen to shitty music: I did, so did you (playing the odds here). Think of the crap we enjoyed as kids, then take a listen to the music the younglings are into these days. Genres and marketing may have changed, the overall quality hasn't.

I wrote out of my own experience (having listened to the likes of freaking Grim Reaper before I discovered better music), and hey - I'm cutting the little bastards some slack by assuming they'll grow out of it. As for Bright Eyes, we'll just have to agree to disagree.

--Posted by Pete on April 6, 2005 3:41 PM

As a mid-30's adult, which scenario is worse? (Thank God I've always had impeccable musical taste and this was never an issue for me)
A) Listen to the current crap and think it'll ever be relevant or have a shelf-life
B) Stay stuck in the 80s and listen to the crap that was foisted down our throats back then because it's your classic rock
C) Scrap it all and listen to light jazz because it's adult music
D) Not knowing the difference

--Posted by basshole on April 6, 2005 4:10 PM

I'd be more worried if the kids were listening to cheap hackneyed pop music (oh yeah, they are). The truth is that Bright Eyes is a popular and (crucially) critically lauded band - whether we agree or not doesn't matter.

The kids that are open minded enough to buy what was essentially a country and western album aren't in my opinion the problem. Like you say, they'll most likely progress to the *really* good stuff but the poor buggers that are dripfed saccharine pop and soulless R&B will probably never know any better.

And yes I listened to some crap in my youth (though I never really went through a metal phase, grunge maybe). And I don't think you're an old fart...

--Posted by Greg Smyth on April 6, 2005 4:13 PM

'I'm wide awake, it's morning' is spectacular. Just really damned good. This was just an example of a kid opening his big teenaged mouth. You did say, as well, that you didn't know the context of the silly outburst. It could have been justified, I suppose.

Bright Eyes is not el crappa; the boy was just being a boy. Boys. Sheeeeesh.

--Posted by julianna on April 6, 2005 4:26 PM

P.S. I'd say more "indie" than "emo". Humble opinion. The majority of "emo" turns my stomach.

--Posted by julianna on April 6, 2005 4:31 PM

One more from me before I go frolic outside for a while. Correction to my post 1: Conor is not, in fact a teenager. At 24 he was, in fact, just ACTING like a teenager.

Pete, the context was that he was drinking and apparently can't handle his booze without acting like an asshat.

--Posted by julianna on April 6, 2005 4:46 PM

Being old and listening primarily to songs from the latest Disney/Pixer offerings as the DVD plays in the back seat of the minivan, I have to ask "Who?" and "Who cares?" Let's hope the he lives up to his word and makes it a part of some performance art thing. It's so cool to grow old and cranky as predicted.

--Posted by Macinfla on April 6, 2005 9:11 PM

Man, I get tired of people who don't know anything about Texas or Texans ripping on the state and its inhabitants. Having lived in Minnesota for 6 years and now reside in the D.C. area, the stereotypes run rampant. I was even told one time that Texas doesn't have rivers. I guess the entire population just lives in some Sci-fi desert wasteland where we have to wear moisture reclamation suits to survive. Dumbasses! I grew up in Texas, and although I haven't lived there for a long time, I still miss it, my family, and my friends terribly. Just another reason to despise Bush's Texan-Wannabe Ass. I especially like it when he poses for pictures while 'working' on his 'ranch' in the middle of summer with no visible sweat stains.

--Posted by seadogs on April 7, 2005 7:58 AM

Now that's the way to market yourself. Sh*t on the audience! What's that sound? Oberst's bubble burst.

--Posted by BabyJane on April 7, 2005 11:39 AM

I avoided Bright Eyes for months because I thought Conor looked like a doofus pretty boy. I HATE that mussy heair, drugged out look. But...I got that magazine Paste and it had 2 songs of his and I bought "I'm Wide Awake" the next day. it's fucking GREAT. The guy still annoys me when he talks though.

--Posted by Don on April 7, 2005 1:20 PM

Before we start talking about Conor as the next Dylan (unless you're talking McKay, the answer is no), ask yourself: is "I'm Wide Awake" better than "Heartbreaker"?

--Posted by Ian on April 7, 2005 1:45 PM

Yes, Ian.,...it is. Because about 1/2 of Hearbreaker is about 1/2 baked and the album, although it has some GREAT songs, suffers because of that. I still don't know why a fruit stand in New York is lonely...and I stopped caring long ago.

--Posted by Don on April 7, 2005 11:54 PM

I wished i'd seen him say that. Oh how i would have cheered....

--Posted by A Bright Eyes Fan on April 18, 2005 4:01 PM

Perhaps the two of you could share the same gun.

--Posted by Pete on April 18, 2005 11:01 PM



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