June 23, 2005
"Blood stains, speed kills
Fast cars, cheap thrills"
Posted by pete
at June 23, 2005 8:49 AM
I do so love a thoroughly researched, cogently argued grass roots campaign:
I appreciate the notice (addressed to "Speed Humps" at my address) that these are actually going to be put in, since I hadn't heard any updates since I signed the petition in favor of their installation last year.
I'm not sure who the Brainiac who hastily scrawled this missive is, especially since he was too chickenshit to leave a return address, but I've pretty much narrowed it down to the assclown who drives his crappy Mustang at 50+ MPH, or one of the dickheads who's fond of zipping his mini-bike up and down the road for hours at a time.
While always a bit ambiguous on the subject, I gave my support to the proposal anyway. I mean, even though I don't "allow my children to play out front unattended," that doesn't quite translate to allowing our neighborhood high schoolers to barrel down the street at will, blithely assuming no toddler will end up tangled in their undercarriages.
Hopefully, my neighbors will realize that claims the humps will "ruin you front end" and lower our "property value" are bullshit. Unfortunately, I still don't know what "No Speeders" means. Are they saying nobody speeds on our street now? 'Cause that's a load of crap. Maybe he's lamenting the fact that we won't have the god-given American right to endanger the citizenry by putting the pedal to the metal once these socialist speed humps are installed.
Anyway, "speed humps" is a funny term. It makes think of either a porno movie about a serial premature ejaculator or a documentary about camel racing.
I'd wondered to where HWREtc had ambled....
I just want to know how many times HWRNMNBSOL changed Hardees burger wrapper from assorted other Fast Food chains before deciding on this mecca of comedy and hilarity.
PS I dont know about you HWRNMNBSOL(is that some sick acronym?) but in Houston and well everywhere, Moron is spelled with two Os but your case shall be noted by Pete I am sure.
I'll have you know that HWRNMNBSOL is a family name, unadulterated by those sadistic bastards at Ellis Island, and proudly carrying on the all-caps naming conventions of my Hmong ancestors.
Also, I don't know where you learned your spelling, but 'mooran' is clearly wrong.
Let me teach you sesame street style linguistics
Moron is thusly spelled, in my best Count voice:
M - O (thats 1 O ah ah ah)- R - O (2 Os ah ah ah) N
Jesus, Tom DeLay really has no skills!
Doug, you may want to check out:
politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-moran.htm
You'll have to cut and paste, but then you'll have a better idea to what HWRNMNBSOL is refering.
Mooran. Too funny.
I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever left this flyer on your door recently relocated from Austin to Houston. I kid you not - we received a remarkably similar and equally eloquent policy memo on our doorstep a few months back just prior to our neighborhood meeting approving road humps. Perhaps the under-car lighting effects guys have set up a PAC to address this aggregious offense against low-riders? I don't know. Still, strange coincidence.
Peenman,
Kudos on the gentle way you handled Doug. I was going to be a little nastier about it, but then, as usual, I've been drinking.
Thing, I've been sucked into LiveJournaling, so this explains much of my absence. The rest is entirely owing to my meth habit.
I have a sneaking suspicion that whoever left this flyer on your door recently relocated from Austin to Houston.
I think perhaps it was Doug.
/will be using MOORAN as often as possible now
What a hoot....when one of our local kids gets an overdose of testosterone and goes speeding up and down the street a thousand times on their ATV, I contemplate stringing a clothesline across the street about three feet above the ground. But now I think I'll just get out my crayons and write his parents a nasty note.
Pete, I urge you to start some drama in your neighborhood by issuing your own anonymous missive in response to this fine letter. A similarly hand-scrawled effort would be satisfactory, ideally on the reverse side of a Hardee's burger wrapper, and for maximal effect should be scrawled in crayon. I would begin by decrying the 'hommos' [sic] who have tried to block the installation of 'speed humps' ("oh and its called SPEED BUMPS you MORAN") in your neighborhood. You could challenge their assumptions that you allow your 12-month old boy to play by the roadside all the goddamn time. You could wrap up by urging all residents to call in support of speed bumps, and sign it 'Git-r-done'.
There can be no democracy without dialogue, and to quote the formidable Eugene McCarthy, "as long as the differences and diversities of mankind exist, democracy must allow for compromise, for accommodation, and for the recognition of differences." It is therefore your responsibility, Pete, to move this issue onto the front burner of your community and spark a lively and active discussion. Go forth and work your magic!