I guess after the apogee of filmmaking viruosity that was Street Fighter, there weren't that many choices left:
Based on the popular video game of the same name, Dungeon Siege follows the hard life of lowly Farmer on a mighty mission to save his wife and child. An unspeakably evil army is rampaging across the land, destroying everything in its path and focusing on conquering the mighty Castle Ehb, and vanquishing the King himself. This evil army threatens an otherwise ideal world of peace. Dungeon Siege is a passionate epic adventure, a solid heart at its core and story line that reveals more information and adventure with each passing minute.
Sounds like Krull. Or the Wheel of Time. Or The SwordBearer. Or Peasant's Quest.
I never played Dungeon Siege, but from the screenshots I've checked out, it doesn't seem very remarkable. Certainly not remarkable enough to warrant the big screen Hollywood treatment. What am I missing?
Jason Statham ("Cellular") is Farmer, our hero. Ron Perlman ("Hellboy") plays Norick, an old friend of Farmer's and his stalwart companion. Matthew Lillard ("Without a Paddle") plays Duke Fallow, the nephew of King Konreid, who is played by Burt Reynolds ("The Longest Yard").
John Rhys-Davies ("Raiders of the Lost Ark") is Merrick the Magus, the court sorcerer. Leelee Sobieski ("The Glass House") is Muriella, Merrick's daughter, and Kristanna Loken ("Terminator 3") is Elora, an enchanted tree-like creature whose support proves critical to Farmer.
Fallow? Farmer? Is Con-Agra producing this?
That is some cast...there. There's no arguing that everyone listed has, uh, been in movies before and, uh, been paid for it. All professional actors, no doubt about it.
There has to be more to this, what unholy force could possibly have assembled this nefarious collective of B and C-listers in order to bring a second tier video game to life?
Based on Gas Powered Games' wildly popular game, Dungeon Siege is directed by Uwe Boll from a screenplay by Doug Taylor, David S. Freeman and Glenn Benest.
BOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!
Okay, deep breath. I mean, it isn't like they'd give the guy a real budget after the way his last couple of movies have performed:
- Shooting begins this weekend in Vancouver.
- Boll has a $60 million budget for this movie.
- Boll said "Dungeon Siege" will transcend the video game genre and appeal to mainstream audiences. He added that the film's blend of action and fantasy should appeal to fans of "The Lord of the Rings." A three-hour running time is envisioned.
$60 million. You do realize that all of Boll's movies combined haven't grossed $60 million? The guy must have pictures showing everyone involved in this movie having sex with dead children, because there's no other explanation for his continued Hollywood existence. Unless he's being propped up as a convenient distraction for critics and moviegoers while they continue to trot out Martin Lawrence movies and remakes.
Nah, the studios aren't that smart.
As for the alleged running time, I would rather spend three hours in a steel cage with the reanimated corpses of Martha Raye and Paul Lynde poking me with giant dildos and singing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald."
Which actually sounds like a good plot for an Uwe Boll movie.
Far Cry (2006) (announced)
Fear Effect (2006) (announced)
Hunter: The Reckoning (2006) (announced)
Night Claws (2005) (announced)
Dungeon Siege (2006) (pre-production)
Bloodrayne (2005) (post-production)
Wow - is this guy the official Video Game industry puppet? Far Cry the only exceptional game out of the bunch - I want a Duke Nukem movie that plays out like an action filled Howard the Duck - Awkward, terrible, and hilarious...well at least the first 2
Martha Raye's dead?
You need to watch more TV. She died in '94.
Jason Statham is Phillip Jose Farmer, our hero. Congressman L. Ron Paul plays Nodwick, an old friend of Farmer's and his stalwart-but-straight henchman. Matthew Lillard plays Kilgore Trout, the love-nephew of Kurt Vonnegut, who is played by Burt Reynolds.
Vonnegut murders Farmer's wife and children as revenge for Farmer's secret authorship of "Venus on the Half Shell" (attributed to Trout). Farmer and Nodwick must journey up a vast river with Strawberry Shortcake (played by American McGee) to return from the dead to eat Vonnegut's brains.
That's how it would be if I wrote the script, anyway...
Sounds like Gladiator to me..
Sounds like the plot of Peasant's Quest from Homestar Runner.
TROGDOR! TROGDOR! TROGDOR!
BURNINATION!
TROGDOR! TROGDOR! TROGDOR!
Every time I hear this hack's name, I immediately think of former red-headed Indiana center and NBA bust Uwe Blab.
BTW, can't wait for John Woo's Spy Hunter, but only if the entire movie is shot from the extreme overhead viewpoint.
I've played Dungeon Siege. It did relatively well in sales and had an expansion, and was fun to play, but it didn't have an amazing plot. Walk around, see monster, kill it. And they want to turn it into a 3 hour movie?
Hmm. One of the articles says the movie takes some elements from Dungeon Siege 2, which ships in August. Maybe Microsoft is trying to increase sales of the game with a 3 hour ad?
Maybe Microsoft is trying to increase sales of the game with a 3 hour ad?
Because that worked so well for Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness.
> GET YE FLASK
But then you can't get ye flask, and you just have to sit there and think about why! Now that would be a good movie. Better than what Dungeon Siege is likely to be, anyway.
(Though I'd rather see a movie about the Thnikkaman.)
Oh no! Martha Raye's dead?