Dirty rotten bastards:
Flash!! We have great news. The Creature from the Black Lagoon remake has just become a green lit project at Universal Studios. The script has already been written (by Gary Ross, a relative of the original screenwriter for the original film) and a director --Brett Rattner-- has been assigned to the project. We will keep you up to date on the details as they come in.
Back when Guillermo Del Toro was attached to this, it didn't sound like such a bad idea. He wanted to set the movie on the Amazon during Victorian times and make it much more "horrific." As opposed as I am to most remakes (especially those of my favorite movies, of which Creature is one), I decided this might not be all that bad. Such efforts don't have to be horrible, provided those in charge take things in new directions (Carpenter's The Thing, Cronenberg's The Fly)
Then Del Toro bowed out, and the skies began to darken.
Okay, first: Gary Ross is the son of original Creature screenwriter Arthur Ross. I'm not sure why the author of the above blurb seems to feel this somehow legitimizes the effort (anybody think Hank Williams, Jr. is as good as his dad?), especially when his past efforts include "edgy" fare like Big, Mr. Baseball, Dave, and Pleasantville. Scary stuff.
However, Ross' involvement pales on the suck-o-meter next to the inclusion of Brett "Aardvark" Ratner. Apparently it wasn't enough to hand him X-Men franchise to shit on (Mutant whores! Storm needs a bigger role!), but Universal seems to think its recent reimaginings of the Mummy and Dracula, the Wolf-Man, and Frankenstein (Van Helsing, anyone?) were worthy adaptation as well, and are continuing in that vein. If the above article is true (and there's been no confirmation from any of the principals involved, although Bill Paxton is rumored to be involved as well), I'm prepared to declare this a massive failure before the first word of a script is written.
Remakes are a fact of life, and I've more or less learned to coexist with them peacefully...until they go after my favorites, that is. If I hear about a Big Trouble in Little China remake, I may have to set off a nuke on Sunset Blvd. And given the enthusiastic way John Carpenter is selling off what remains of his reputation (I can't wait for The Fog, starring Superman!), it might be time to start talking to the Nigerians about acquiring some yellow cake uranium.
Ludacris couldn't pull it off, Doug. L.L. Cool J would be a much better candidate.
As if Invaders from Mars redux wasn't horrifying enough, now they're going after The Creature? Is NOTHING sacred anymore?
If I ever see or hear that someone other than Kurt Russell is driving The Pork Chop Express I will glady back you in your nuke attack.
Great big trouble reference - I would have to sit back and threaten only on classics. Like if they decided to cast Ludacris as Sam, Vin Diesel as Rick, and Brittany Murphy as Ilsa in the 2007 remake of Casablanca. ::shudders::