Roger Ebert's been waiting all year for this.
You may recall the minor hurlyburly that resulted when "actor" Rob Schneider reacted to comments by Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times, who referred to Schneider as a "third-rate comic." Schneider responded with ads in Variety and the Hollywood Reporter which included the following brilliant comeback:
Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers.
Ebert likes a lot of movies that I don't, so there was some question as to whether or not he might find something redeemable about Schneider's Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, which opens today.
After reading his review, I realize I needn't have worried:
Reading [Schneider's ads], I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.
But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks.
I sooooo wanted to see European Gigolo, really, but I elected to check out The Constant Gardener instead. Ebert won't be the last to give Schneider shit for his little tantrum, however. Count on that.
Go Ebert! What's the point of winning a Pulitzer if you can't throw it in the face of those you diss in your reviews?
Okay, pardon my ignorance, but how does not having a Pulitzer exclude Mr. Goldstein from commenting on the issue? The only reason I ask is because Ebert says, "...has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified..." and then, "...I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified." Ebert's statement may be chock full of sarcasm, but at least at first blush it seems to be a defense of Goldstein's opinion but not his right to state it.
Go Rog!
And going back to the BlockBuster bit, don't you just know that they'll have 20 copies of Douche Bigalow for every copy of Sideways.
Okay, pardon my ignorance, but how does not having a Pulitzer exclude Mr. Goldstein from commenting on the issue?
Schneider's ad mentioned that Goldstein never won a Pulizter. It was a response to Goldstein's comment that Schneider has never won an Oscar "because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."
so, when will one of the Film Threat guys win a Pulitzer ;-)
Why do yuo all hate Rob Shnider? He iz hilarieous--the Animal movie waz the BOMB! And if you dont think man-whores are funny, kizz my azz!
Pete iz just a damn bitter stoopid critic who has never won a Noble Prize! He dosen't have any fan loyaltty to gud moviez! HE SUXXXORZ!!!
Viva Insane Clown Posse! Represent, juggalos and juggahos!
(Naw, it's just me, trying to get the inevitable out of the way. Carry on.)
I'm fairly certain that Mr. Schneider firmly established his second-rate comic chops in a little movie named "50-first Dates."
so, when will one of the Film Threat guys win a Pulitzer
Oh please...
Pete's right. We're not all qualified. But I think I'll win one in the next decade. Or at least a chocolate-covered one with a strawberry creme center, wrapped in gold foil.
Third rate comic? Wow, that's generous!
I just saw THE ARISTOCRATS and Rob Schneider is the lamest part of it except...he isn't even "in" it aside from when he's trying to attract attention to himself during one of the best sketches in the flick. He's such a douche-bag.
I once saw him at a SF Giants game (all the drunks were yelling you can dooo eeeet! Fricking inbreds...) and he walked right towards me. As he got just in front of me I go "hey, Rob!" And he looks at me and starts to nod. I go "you are so, totally NOT funny" and I kept walking.
Game, set, and match to Ebert. There hasn't been a better bitch-slap this year, outside of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.