At APCB, love not only means having to say you're sorry, but having to publicly embarrass yourself by posting futile attempts to grab the attention of someone who - let's face it - probably wasn't that interested in the first place.
More love lost from the Austin Chronicle:
1) 7-2-04 DIZZY ROOSTER. You: beautiful brunette in black with friends. Me: Red shirt with bachelor party. Couldn't take my eyes off of you all night.
Translation: You: unapproachable babe surrounded by snarling bitch-queens. Me: coward who, unable to make a move in spite of the false courage bestowed by alcohol and several of my hooting buddies, contented myself with undressing you with my eyes for three hours.
2) 7/22 RHONDA AT Chili Cold Blood show. You rocked my world until the break of dawn. Where did you go?
Probably to meet someone not prone to dropping Sir Mix-A-Lot lyrics into their conversations.
3) BLUE VOLVO STATION wagon with "Austin" sticker on bumper: Shopping at Wheatsville with a Central Market bag!? Tried to catch your eye with no luck. Me: Interested.
I thought shopping at Wheatsville with a Central Market bag was a stoning offense (not that kind) in Austin. It's a trap, Volvo. He's only "interested" in turning you over to the co-op's Ministry of Organic Reeducation.
4) HALCYON, AUGUST 9. You: In smooth, black fedora, cute tummy and a bottle opener (I think) in your pants. Me: Tall guy, dark, curly hair, blue shirt. Let's compare fedoras.
Fedoras? This must be some new variation on the "come up and see my etchings" line that I'm not familiar with. Oh, to be single again.
5) YOU: BLONDE TRANSSEXUAL in Whole Foods downtown, around midday a lot. I know what you are, please give this tall guy a chance to be yours. I like you!
"I like you" should probably have come before "I know what you are." Just saying.
6) MOJO'S LOST FEDORA Super-Nai-Man cracked the case. Hat at Mojos.
Again with the fedoras. Is dressing like Philip Marlowe the new trend in Austin?
"Again with the fedoras. Is dressing like Philip Marlowe the new trend in Austin?"
I hope so.
That's the last time I come to one of your parties dressed as Marlowe, Pete. Next time it's El Santo.
I'm going to respond to #3 and beat the crap out of whoever shows up. Fucking ruining this town.