This just in, patrons of a certain British supermarket chain are out of their minds:
Desperate Housewives actress Eva Longoria has beaten off competition from Jennifer Aniston to be voted the sexiest TV beauty of all time. The 30-year-old Latina, who claims she was the "ugly duckling" of her family growing up, was honoured for her sexy performance as Gabrielle Solis in the hit US drama. Aniston, who played Friends's Rachel Green for ten years, came second in the survey by British supermarket Sainsbury's, followed by Sex And The City's Kim Cattrall as man-eating Samantha Jones in third place
The Top Five Sexiest Female TV Stars Of All-Time are:
1. Eva Longoria - Desperate Housewives
2. Jennifer Aniston - Friends
3. Kim Cattrall - Sex And The City
4. Pamela Anderson - Baywatch
5. Sarah Michelle Gellar - Buffy The Vampire Slayer
Seems a bit, uh, heavy on the last few years, which is the nature of such things. More likely, patrons were provided with a list of 20 or so and made their picks from those. But if you're going to make a list of the [something something] "of all time," you might want to put a little more thought into it.
It's also entirely possible some characters that ought to be no-brainers never made it across the Atlantic. And what were the parameters? Are shows that didn't last a full season allowed? How about cartoons? Recurring guest roles? These are important questions when compiling an arbitrary and meaningless ranking like this.
Having said that, none of those listed above even make my top 10, which I will now share with all of you (warning: skewed heavily entirely towards brunettes)[1].
10. Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) - Those eyes, those legs, that improbably witty dialogue. I'll sit through a hundred fights with your mother if you'll just slag Brennon's Foreigner t-shirt one more time.
9. Yvonne Craig (Batman) - Nothing less than the ultimate librarian fantasy girl: Barbara Gordon was a buttoned down, glasses-wearing, hair-in-a-bun type who spent her nights wearing spandex and a mask and beating the shit out of criminals. People pay top dollar for that kind of treatment nowadays. And I would be remiss if I didn't mention her turn as the green-skinned Marta on the "Whom Gods Destroy" episode of Star Trek.
8. Maren Jensen (Battlestar Galactica) - I always favored the no-nonsense warrior Athena over the blonde space trollop Cassiopeia. I wholeheartedly supported her actions when she steam purged Starbuck and that hussy in the launch tube, even as I realized later it probably would have been fatal. If anything, it only heightened my devotion.
7. Dawn Wells (Gilligan's Island) - Speaking of no-brainers. If there were any justice in this crazy mixed-up world, ultra-short denim shorts would be referred to as "Mary Anns" instead of "Daisy Dukes."
6. Pam Grier (The L Word) - I'm cheating with this one. I've never seen The L Word and really don't care to. I'm content with it allowing me to include Ms. Grier, who has given me jungle fever since my first exposure to Coffy in a college film class.
5. Diana Rigg (The Avengers) - Not only is Emma Peel a "sexier" character than any of those listed above, she could kick all of their asses as well. Yes, Buffy's too.
4. Julie Newmar (Batman) - They sure carbonated a lot of hormones on this show. Newmar is the one and only Catwoman (no offense to Eartha Kitt). Why she ever bothered toying with the concave-chested Batman, "Pure West" or not, was beyond me.
3. Carla Gugino (Karen Sisco) - She's been in a lot of crap, and also in this unfortunately short-lived TV show. I guess ABC pulled it because, unlike Alias' Sydney Bristo, Sisco managed to get her job done fully clothed.
2. Lynda Carter (Wonder Woman) - As documented here previously, Wonder Woman may have been the first female TV character I noticed in "that way." And I never understood why this was the one TV show my dad would watch with me (aside from The Three Stooges) until several years later.
1. Jaclyn Smith (Charlie's Angels) - Before "Tastes great, less filling," before the Cola Wars, before Dale Jr. vs. Tony Stewart...there was Farrah vs. Jaclyn (poor Kate Jackson never stood a chance). Long and arduous were the schoolyard debates, and how different our respective fates turned out to be. Farrah fans can usually be found slumped in their broken down recliners, watching American Gladiator reruns and struggling over their beer guts to clean their toenails with a used toothpick, while those who preferred Jaclyn Smith are universally renowned for their roguish good looks, chiseled physiques, and Herculean sexual prowess.
[1] But who the hell knows Julie Newmar's real hair color?
We're pretty much in agreement on many from your list (especially regarding the bespandexed ladies and Ms. Grier), but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention...
) Pamela Hensley (Buck Rogers): Even though she's been MIA for over two decades, no sexy list is complete without Princess Ardala. I blame her royal "garments" (gotta love gold lamme dental floss) for my explosively spontaneous onset of puberty at the wee age of 6.
) Jane Badler (V): Who cares if she, as Commander Diana, was actually a green, scaly, cold-blooded viper-thing? With that big hair and evily sultry smirk, she could swallow me whole anytime. On top of that, for a white woman, she had hips that would make even Missy Elliot jealous.
) Pamela Sue Martin (Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries): I'm man enough to admit it--I crushed on Nancy Drew.
) Cassandra Peterson: No, wait...I must apologize to Ms. Hensley...my manhood truly blossomed on that fateful eve when I first beheld Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. I remember it vividly...the year was 1983, in the autumn, between the hours of 7:00-8:00pm on a Wednesday, on Channel 2 (the local NBC affiliate), during a segment on Real People...and it was then that SHE appeared. It was as if my youthful monster-movie-fueled id became manifest, taking female form as a glorious vision of snarky, mammolithic, geek-girl loveliness. And if that wasn't enough...they showed her sans get-up, with those authentic, fiery auburn tresses. Truly, on that fateful night, I fell in love for the first time, and lo, I became a man. Breathy sigh....
Bravo on the Lynda Carter choice Pete. She was the first TV woman that I noticed in "that way" as well (she was paired with a non-TV woman in my adolescence and she went by the name of Debbie Harry).
I would've put Catherine Bach of Daisy Duke fame up there as well.
Thank you, boys, for vindicating my pistol-packing brunette-ness.
YES!!!!!!! Dawn Wells, absof*ckinglutely!!!!
Catherine Bach? Who?
;-)
I always preferred Jaclyn Smith to Farrah -- I loved the part of the opening credits when she would whirl around, put the hat on, and pose. I would practice that move in the mirror at home...that usually ended in my getting dizzy from whirling and falling headfirst into the mirror, but I WAS A DAMN GOOD KELLY, okay??
What Federali said. I'm a natural brunette, although I'm sporting the rockabilly blond on dark look these days.
I for one am glad that Sex and the City is over, although I liked the snappy writing. Now we can all stop pretending that Kim Catrall is a good actress.
YES on Dawn Wells, Diana Rigg, Lynda Carter, and Jaclyn Smith.
I'd also add in Martha Quinn from the original MTV (the first woman I ever noticed in "that" way on TV - the others are rerun discoveries), Erin Gray from Buck Rogers, Barbara Feldon from Get Smart, Goldie Hawn during her Laugh-In years, the woman who played Bailey Quarters on WKRP, and Daphne from Scooby-Doo.
(What? I was seven, and she was hot!)
I would ashamedly add Claire Danes from So-Called, Mary Lynn-Raskjub from Mr. Show, and the girl from the Bugaloos.
Don Adams, best known for his role as Agent Maxwell Smart on TV's Get Smart, has died at the age......
| --Posted to Off the Kuff on Sep 27, 2005 10:44 PM:. |
Mmmmm...
Mrs. Peel.
I watched some Battlestar Galactica the other day. I was amazed at how incredibly young Athena looked.
Amazed and saddened.