A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

"The masses of humanity will always have to suffer"

Always have to suffer:

Take note, the names have changed since last we spoke of this abomination, but it's still going to suck. To wit:

Bugs Bunny was "Buzz Bunny." Now he's "Ace Bunny:"

A martial arts expert and a natural team leader, Ace makes saving the world look easy. He's always cool and in control of any situation. Ace also has a very sharp wit, so you'll always catch him making fun of the bad guys right before he toasts them with his infrared laser vision.

That is indeed witty, toasting his enemies like that.

Lexi Bunny is still Lexi Bunny, not that it matters:

Lexi is definitely one tough girl - a gymnastic and acrobatic expert gifter with hyper-sensitive hearing. She's a confident, reliable and independent gal who's hip and always into the latest trends. She also has the unique power to blast away objects with her mind, a move she calls the "Brain-Blast."

Can it possibly get any worse? Wait for it:

[Danger] Duck longs to be the center of attention, but deep down, he thinks it's "despicable" that Ace gets all the respect. He wants nothing more than to be seen as a hero and recognized as a good leader. He has the power to teleport short distances (he calls it "quacking") and can also create magical power eggs and launch them at his enemies. Unfortunately, he hasn't quite mastered his powers fully, which can get him into quite a mess.

What, more of a mess than a MALE DUCK LAYING EGGS? Daffy Duck is fucking Nightcrawler now? And he has Super Mario Bros. powers? Are you kidding me?

How did our beloved Wile E. Coyote fare?

Tech E. Coyote is the smartest, most analytical and technical member of the Loonatics, very calculating and a natural strategist. In his spare time, he loves to invent all sorts of weapons and gadgets for the team to use on their missions. His powers work very well with his hobby - he is gifted with electro-magnetic capabilities, allowing him to lift and bend metal objects at will. Tech also possesses regenerative self-healing powers, which help him recover from any mishap.

That electro-magnetic shit would've come in handy with all those anvil mishaps. I don't think Magneto needs to get worried yet, however.

Everyone rememeber "Spaz?" No you don't:

Slam Tasmanian is the muscle of the tesm, possessing super strength and the ability to spin into a tornado and trash anything in his path.

Although he possesses great destructive power, Slam has a strong sense of justice and is always ready to use his powers.

Oh, enough of these great power/great responsibility questions (although "Slam Tasmanian" does kinda sound like "Armin Tamzarian"). Here's the last sad toon:

Rev is a high-energy roadrunner gifted with the ability to run at blurring speed. Unfortunately, he also happens to talk as fast as he runs, which can sometimes make it very hard for everyone else to keep upwith him. On top of his super speed, he also possesses a mental psychic radar which allows him to pinpoint and track down villains. Rev is also the only member of the Loonatics who can fly, which is why he doesn't need a jetpack like the others.

Check please.

Loonatics Unleashed debuts later this morning at 9:30 CST. Set your VCRs/TiVos accordingly.

And for anyone still curious, here's another shot of your childhood getting flushed down the toilet:

Have a nice day (and thanks to The Thing That Walks Like A Man for his reminding me about this. Your venomous snake is in the mail.