A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

"Maybe it was the anthrax in the air, maybe it was it was the fact that the Arab women weren't biting, whatever it was, it was magic."

I'm almost too paralyzed by surprise to let you know that the Arab-ized version of The Simpsons isn't going over too well (via Fark):

When an Arab satellite TV network, MBC, decided to introduce "The Simpsons" to the Middle East, they knew the family would have to make some fundamental lifestyle changes.

"Omar Shamshoon," as he is called on the show, looks like the same Homer Simpson, but he has given up beer and bacon, which are both against Islam, and he no longer hangs out at "seedy bars with bums and lowlifes." In Arabia, Homer's beer is soda, and his hot dogs are barbequed Egyptian beef sausages. And the donut-shaped snacks he gobbles are the traditional Arab cookies called kahk.

An Arabized "Simpsons" -- called "Al Shamshoon" -- made its debut in the Arab world earlier this month, in time for Ramadan, a time of high TV viewership. It uses the original "Simpsons" animation, but the voices are dubbed into Arabic and the scripts have been adapted to make the show more accessible, and acceptable, to Arab audiences.

As long as they aren't planning catching "Lisa's Substitute" (Dustin Hoffman plays Lisa's Jewish teacher). Or "Behind the Laughter," where Moe talks about Bart spending money "like a teenage Arab." Or "Simpsons Bible Stories." Or any episode featuring Krusty's rabbi father. Or...come to think of it, I'd hate to be the guy responsible for making sure nothing "infidelish" gets through.

"Mmmm...soda" just doesn't have the same ring to it, either. Still, who am I to argue against the spread of American cultural imperialism?

But there's no guarantee of success. Many Arab blogs and Internet chat sessions have become consumed with how unfunny "Al Shamshoon" is. "They've ruined it! Oh yes they have, *sob*. ... Why? Why, why oh why?!!!!" wrote a blogger, "Noors," from Oman.

Some longtime "Simpson" fans who are Arabs are incensed over the Arabized version. "This is just beyond the pale," wrote As'ad AbuKhalil, a professor at California State University, Stanislaus, whose blog, angryarab blogspot, often touches on politics and the media. After viewing a promotional segment of "Al Shamshoon," Prof. AbuKhalil wrote, "It was just painful....The guy who played Homer Simpson was one of the most unfunny people I ever watched. Just drop the project, and air reruns of Tony Danza's show instead."

It's nice to know that hyperbolic expressions of dismay aren't solely the domain of Western bloggers.

Few shows have more obsessed fans than "The Simpsons," and their vast online community is worried about whether classic Simpsons dialogue can even be translated. One blogger wrote, "'Hi-diddly-ho, neighbors!' How the h -- are they going to translate that? Or this great quote: Mr Burns: Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she's losing. Well I say, hard cheese."

And it looks like we just found the Arabic version of Comic Book Guy.

Forgive my cultural ignorance, but I have a hard time believing there's no absurdism in Arabic culture. As I said before, however, any establishment of common ground has to be a Good Thing, right? If West and East can both laugh at Mr. Burns singing "See My Vest," that's a start. Even if - assuming you eliminate any episode where "Omar" gets drunk - you're only left with about a season and a half's worth of episodes.

Then there's this guy:

A blogger, who uses the name "Nibaq," wrote, "I am sure the effort [of] the people who made this show to translate it to Arabic could have made a good original show about an Egyptian family living in Egypt, dealing with religion, life and work and trying to keep a family together. That way they can proudly say Made in Egypt, instead of Made in USA Assembled in Egypt."

Just for that, we're cancelling your shipment of classic Porky Pig cartoons.