Last week sucked. I don't say that often, friends, but Nov. 14-18 ranked right up there with past classics such as Did I Pass My Grad School Comprehensive Exams? and Waiting for the Health Department's Test Results.
For those who may have been disappointed after checking here for cogent discussion about recent current events and coming up empty, I apologize. To make it up to you, here's a list of the Greatest Songs Ever Written About Anal Sex, complete with occasional lyric samples that will prove my point. You're welcome.
"The Anal Staircase" - Coil
And the rapids of my heart
Will tear your ship of love apart
And we'll end up wrecked
We'll end up at the start
Of the anal staircase
"Hurts So Good" - John Cougar
Sometimes love donīt feel like it should
You make it hurt so good
"Prison Sex" - Tool
Actually, I don't need to contribute lyrics to this one, as there's not a hell of a lot of ambiguity involved. I will tell you that, at a job I had waiting tables at a "private dining club," one of the social directors asked me to look at some of her son's CDs and let her know if they were suitable listening for a 14 year-old. Not being a big fan of Tipper Gore, I told her Tool's Undertow album was just peachy.
"Jam Up and Jelly Tight" - Tommy Roe
You look a little naughty
But you're so polite
Jam up and jelly tight
You won't say you will but
There's a chance that you might
"Wrong Way" - Sublime
I gave her all that I had to give
But she still wouldn't take it, oh no
Her two brown eyes are leaking like a sieve
"Exit 109" - Dale Watson
109, 109
Easy to please, easy to find
Park it where the sun don't shine
"Mickey" - Toni Basil
So come on and give it to me anyway you can
Anyway you want to do it
I'll take it like a man
I Sit On Acid - Lords of Acid
The opening line is the really the only reference to our subject, but the repeated refrain of "I wanna sit on your face" has to count for something, right?
"Nothing to Lose" - KISS
Before I had a baby
I didn't care anyway
I thought about the back door
I didn't know what to say
But once I got a baby
I, I tried every way
She didn't wanna do it
But she did anyway
"I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meatloaf
Honestly, this one was suggested to me, and I have a hard time seeing how it meets the criteria. Is Meatloaf saying he'll do anything up to (but not including) anal when it comes to love? How is that a sacrifice on the part of his significant other?
"Back Door Santa" - Clarence Carter
Okay, the concept of a "back door man" is pretty old in blues music, and denotes a man who gets with the woman of a working man, necessitating his arrival and departure through the back door. I just include it here because the idea of Santa having "backdoor" relations with anyone was too disquieting for me not to share with everyone.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Too bad you didn't include something about a turkey baster.
Is Meatmen's "Tooling for Anus" too obvious? Happy Holidays, all!
Come to think of it, "Be Aggressive" by Faith no More is probably about oral. Well, at least you'll get a bunch more disappointed Google searchers to your site with this post. Happy Holidays!
Big Bottom by Spinal Tap
Back Door Man by Mr. Mojo Risin
Fanny by the Asylum Street Spankers
Your edit seems to have chopped out a song title, unless I'm forgetting the repeated refrain of "I wanna sit on your face" in Mickey.
You remember "Micky?" Wow.
We need more of that 1982 stuff.
Thank God the censorShip, SS Stick Up the Ass Julianna, has sailed. If that isn't the title of a pop/rock song, it should be. Happy Thanksgiving, Turkeys. ;)
That's one hell of a Thanksgiving message, Charlie Brown.