Settle a debate for me...
My gym played a song yesterday that gave me such a start I almost dropped an 80-lb dumbbell on my testicles. When I remarked to the guy next to me that I'd almost sterilized myself, he helpfully let me know that the song in question was "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.
Have you ever experienced one of those situations where you're blissfully unaware of something and then, just like that (in my best Verbal Kint voice), you can't get away from it? Predictably, I heard the song two more times yesterday, and have since disconnected every radio in the house to make sure I don't hear it again.
So where does the debate come in? I'm getting to it.
The Wife comes home as I'm yanking A/V cables out of the stereo and, understandably, asks me what the hell I'm doing. I describe my dilemma, but also put forth something else that worries me. Namely, that if intelligent life forms somewhere in the universe should happen upon a transmission of this song, they'll swoop down upon us and incinerate our planet like so many biology textbooks at a Kansas PTA rally.
Not so, retorted the missus. Perhaps - she said - just perhaps, they'd hear the song and, realizing we were obviously too intellectually stunted to pose a serious threat, leave us in peace. I had to admit, she made a valid point. I mean, would any technologically advanced society hear something like this and honestly have cause to fear us?
What u gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
'Cause of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
There is, of course, a third option: that the aliens in question are actually responsible for song in question. I can only surmise that their use of it is intended to melt our collective cerebral cortices to such an extent that we won't even notice when they descend on Earth and load us up to serve as slaves in their iridium mines.
The moral being, uh, society is doomed. And quit listening to the goddamn Black Eyed Peas.
I'm with you. The fact that these idiots even survived past the age of two -- much less became stars with a hit "song" (if you want to be gracious and call it that) -- is a sure sign that Darwinism can't be true ... if it were really survival of the fittest, these clowns would have never left the neonatal ward. So evolution's out.
But intelligent design can't be responsible for human existence... because a supreme intelligent power or being could never and would never have created something so worthless, insipid, and devoid of intelligence as the Black Eyed Peas. So ID is out.
Which leaves us with an expansion upon your alien theory, Pete -- not only are aliens responsible for that song, but they may well be the progenitors of our very existence. It's the only logical explanation left.
In five years, will.i.am will be asking us if we want fries with that or a value meal, and "Fergy" will be negotiating for up to $25 per "service" on the Sunset Strip.
Well, on the bright side, at least that would dispose of the "Outer Space Zombies" threat. No invading zombie horde would do anything that might turn your succulent, edible brains to rancid cream cheese in the way that listening to 'My Hump' does.
Er, I meant to say "our".
Our succulent, edible brains.
Yes, of course, my fellow humans! Our lip-smackingly, finger-lickingly good brains are safe from space zombies! Because they don't exist! No one out here, poised to land in Taos, NM, and start cracking crania!
"Out there", that should have been. Oh, hell.
To all those who declared the BEP's to be the godchildren of Funk, please stand up and exit the building. The stoning will commence in five minutes.
I have never heard this song. Now, of course, I am doomed to hear it everywhere I go.
Thanks a lot, Pete.
Have you ever experienced one of those situations where you're blissfully unaware of something and then, just like that (in my best Verbal Kint voice), you can't get away from it?
Yep. I refer to that kind of thing as "the bear", after a line by Lewis Black:
It's like a friend of yours tells you there's a bear wandering around town, and you say, 'No way', and then the next day there's the bear, following you around.
As it is, the Black Eyed Peas are a frequent bear for me (not any particular song; just the group). Several times I'll see them in some stray pop culture reference, and then for the next three weeks I'll see them everywhere.
In fact, if your writing about them starts another such incident, I may have to come down to Houston and kill you painfully. Nothing personal, I hope you understand.
:-)
Those lyrics remind me of Ray's hit song from the "achewood" series where Ray sells his soul for musical talent...
While the Black Eyed Peas song is distressing, it is sadly nowhere near as bad as 90% of the rap "music" our kids are being inundated with today. This country is going to go down the tubes if we can't put a stop to it!
Don, you crotchety ol' man you, what rap artists have you listened to that would lead you to the conclusion that "90%" of them are worse than that Black Eyed Peas song? Would you say that the rock songs kids were "inundated" with in past decades were on average more lyrically complex than the typical rap song?
Bah. I say good for the Black Eyed Peas. They've given me another indicator with which I can make an accurate, snap judgment about a total stranger.
Ok, now that Denny said that, I will make it my goal to sing it nonstop. Everywhere. So I can be One Of Those People.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.
Jesse, I grew up in the late 60's and 70's, and have listened to R&R all my life. While that music may not have been described as wholesome, it pales in comparison to today's rap. I don't recall obsession with guns, killing people, or being a "gangsta". Although there were sexual themes, they by no means were as graphic or degrading/disrespectful as rap. I have an 18-year old son that's unfortunately part of the generation that's into rap ... what they consider "real" rap. He and his buddies wouldn't be caught dead listening to the Black-Eyed Peas because it's too soft. I know of what I speak.
Oh boy. Leave it to me to explain the song. Fine. Now, I'm going to go a bit wide for a bit, but stay with me.
First, the Monkey Business CD is really good with an overall positive message. After the first listen or five, the superficial message of this song is completely incongruent with the rest of the CD.
'Sup wit dat, ask I?
So I listened, listened, and listened yet again.
Here's the breakdown. The author doesn't like the character talking about her "lumps". Which is why they chosen the word lump instead of, say, caramel bosom. BEP are extremely talented lyricists and know what words are going to bring up ositive and negative responses. So the song goes on with this main character girl talking about how men lust after her and buy her things to gain her favor. This girl goes on to explain that her policy is strictly hands off. SHe wants nothing form these men except their money and gifts. No nookie. The backgrund for all this is typical house music style beat is a decidedly minor key. Stay with me.
Then we come to the bridge.
The bridge is in a different key, with a juxtaposed theme.
"I met this girl down at the disco
She said hey, hey come on let's go
I can be your baby you can be my honey
Let's spend time not money"
The the song goes back to the orignal verse form, and more indictments of this teaser's character.
The song ends trailing off with a delightful piano theme and the reapting words, sung "So
Real... So Real"
So if you look into this, and listen more closely and do some analysis rather than only hear the words, you realize that it is the story of a man who chases the supposedly really hot chick than falls in love instead with the girl that only wants his company. Well, that and his "milk" of course. My girl wants to start a family.
If you have read this far, you're probably thinking that I am really reaching. But if you listen to the whole CD, inlcuding the song with Sting, this is the only interpretaion that fits with the rest of the CD.
My fear, and it seems to be coming true, is that this song would become an Anthem for young girls who want to strut their stuff and feel controlling of men. And give old folks like us one more reason to say the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
So, Pete, the reason the song is following you is that it wants to be understood by you.
'Fess up Pete. You were moving the 80 lb. dumbell to get to the 15 pounder behind it.
I'm going with the Alien Zombie theory. Less folds in the cerebellum is just flat out tastier to them.
I think Peenman's onto something; honestly, I've never heard the song, but it sounded pretty convincing. Still, I couldn't resist the urge to ask if he would enlighten us with a breakdown of "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Or would that be stretching?
No, I think that one really is as bad as it seems. But to be fair, I've never listened to one of her CDs, so maybe she does have some value other than comedic.
My fear, and it seems to be coming true, is that this song would become an Anthem for young girls who want to strut their stuff and feel controlling of men. And give old folks like us one more reason to say the world is going to hell in a handbasket. -- Peenman
The music video--which can ONLY be judged on the song's/its own merits, and not those of the entire cd--seems to undermine your entire thesis. It's got Fergie and a bevy of babes gyrating and slinking about, while the male members of the group (who are hardly in it at all) come across like leering pimps.
The BEP's themselves sure seem to endorse the "anthem" approach.
* BEP's should be BEPs in the above. Apostrophe errors drive me bonkers.
I think Peenman's onto something; honestly
I've known Peenman since 6th grade, so I feel quite comfortable in saying he's out of his fucking mind.
One ambiguous couplet referring to a character in the song that only wants a woman's company absolutely does not make up for the 90% of the song that glorifies teasing men out of their money and shaking one's ass.
And are you serious with this?
But if you listen to the whole CD, inlcuding the song with Sting
Why in the name of all that is holy would I listen to an entire CD by these clowns, much less the song with a special guest appearance by the artist who whored out Every Breath You Take to P Diddy (or whatever he was calling himself that week)? The "first listen or five?" If I hear that song in its entirety even one more time I'm going to perform some self-trepanation with my neighbors Evinrude.
TTTWLAM has it right, the video of this song says all you need to know about the supposed "message" at play: shake your ass and get the boys to look at you.
You failed to mention the best lyrics in the song, which repeatedly mention "lovely lady lumps."
Between those humps and lumps, it's nice to know that the freakshow circuit finally has its own anthem. For, truly, is there anything sexier than a hot chick with a hunchback?
My muse is inspiring me to pen a song called My Stumps, about those sweet, sweet lepers. Amputees, too.