Having just watched Brokeback Mountain, I'm glad I don't actually have to review it (Phil Hall has that honor at FT), because I doubt I could come up with something as funny as MSNBC's Dave White, a gay critics who helpfully put together this "straight dude's guide:"
"But I am a heterosexual man," you're thinking, "very, very, very, very straight." And you're kind of freaking out as the release date quickly approaches — and even the expression "release date" is making you kind of jittery. You're hoping to remind your female life partner that, while you feel gay people are very wonderful, colorful, witty additions to the human population and that Ellen sure is fun to watch dance in the credit card commercial and that Tom Hanks really deserved that Academy Award for whatever that movie was where he died at the end, that you are very, very, very, very straight and that it should exempt you from seeing Adorable Jake...um... do "it" with Heath Ledger. You really don't even want to know what "it" entails because you've lived this long without finding out.
Among his points, I found this one the most personally relevant:
6. Anne Hathaway, who plays AJ's wife, gets topless. The End I think it's fair to report this and here’s why: as a gay man, the only reason I even agreed to sit through the really stupid remake of The Longest Yard was because one of my friends told me you get to see the wrestler Goldberg in the shower. In one scene. That's it. I sat through the whole thing for one scene. In that respect, my hetero pals, we are all brothers deep inside — it's just a different brand of naked flesh that ignites our prurience."
For those of you planning your bathroom breaks, the Hathaway scene in question is 57:55 into the film. You're welcome.
I probably could have gone the rest of my life with Jon Voight being the only gay sex-having cowboy I'd seen on film. However, by all accounts, Brokeback Mountain is supposed to be a very good film.
I have every intention of seeing Brokeback Mountain. Part of it is that seeing Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal is hooooooot. The other part is that I hear it's an absolutely haunting film and it's getting award nods all over the place. Ho......
| --Posted to peskyapostrophe on Dec 13, 2005 1:10 PM:. |
I think Roseanne said it best when her TV hubby, Dan, asked her why she hadn't told him her boss, Leon, was gay. She answered, "What difference does it make? You're all pigs."
But really, Pete, how was the movie? Enquiring minds want to know what you and your heterosexuality thought of it.
I thought it was a fine movie, but am a little confused at all the glowing accolades. It's well-made, and Ledger is pretty good (in spite of being nigh unintelligible from all the mumbling), but it struck me as a gay Same Time, Next Year.
it struck me as a gay Same Time, Next Year
That was what I thought when I read the synopsis. Nice to know that a professional critic feels the same.
That was what I thought when I read the synopsis. Nice to know that a professional critic feels the same.
And Pete's right there with him!
That was a damn funny article.
But really, Pete, how was the movie? Enquiring minds want to know what you and your heterosexuality thought of it. ;-)