I make a lot of largely unfunny jokes about my family because, for the most part, I'm an asshole. My emotional immaturity and advanced state of social retardation causes me to address situations of actual personal significance with sarcasm and lame attempts at humor.
But I've had two years now to come to terms with being a father, and I can say - without hyperbole or fear of ridicule - that having a daughter has been the best thing to ever happen to me.[1] I knew, from being friends with so many other parents, that it would be a pretty profound experience, but I had no idea just how much your worldview flips when you see your kid running towards you with her arms outstretched.
And because she's happy to see you, not because a dog is chasing her.
I realize this "breeder" shit doesn't mean a lot to [some of] the voluntarily childless among you, and I really don't care. My daughter is cool as hell, and today's her 2nd birthday, so she is the center of the universe as far as I'm concerned.[2] Happy birthday, She Who Shall Not Be Named.
Now get a job.
[1] That, and meeting Batman when I was 6.
[2] And I get to pre-board airplanes.
Shortly before your daughter was born, I told you, "it gets better and better every day."
Beware those with horror stories. They will do anything to steal your joy. Screw them all!
Happy Birthday, Chardonnay. Time to kick that mischief into OVERdrive.
Being a voluntarily childless type myself, I can't say that I can relate to all the sentiment and melodramatic pronouncements of life changing moments and perspectives that I hear from "breeders." (I'm using your words, not mine.)
I can, however, relate to friends who are very clearly loving every moment of their experience, and who've been made happier and emotionally richer because of their child. I may not "get" it, but I sure can't mistake it.
Mazeltov, Pete - and Happy Birthday to SWSNBN.
What the Curmudgeon says--and I hope we see SWMNBN and the Wife and you when we're in town in a couple of months. Cheers!
Congrats, Pete (and family). As you say, child rearing is mostly about death avoidance. Two years down, about 18 to go. Hope we have an opportunity to get together with our families some time.
Enjoy the moment. She'll be wearing mini skirts and dating my son (or daughter) sooner than either of us care to admit.
Actually, Denny, she's already been promised to me. I've proffered the requisite yaks, incense, and beads.
Grow quickly, my little child bride.
(This post brought to you by the letters E and C, for "Extra Creepy!")
I am willing to bet that at least 50% of the time it is because a dog is chasing her.
Seriously, the funnest stuff is still ahead of you, in the next year and a half you will watch in amazement as her vocabulary expands. It is way cool when they start talking well.
Can we start a pool on the the date she mortally embarasses you by saying "fuck" in public?
Happy (now belated) birthday to She Who! We've got another six months to go before Olivia hits the "terrible twos". And I agree with everything you've said here.
"Death avoidance...two down, 18 to go."
Yeah, right. I turn 36 tomorrow, and I still cause my parents headaches and worry. So unless you want to worry from now until the day you die, I suggest heavy drinking and/or an early slip into senility. Beyond that, congratulations for what I'm sure was about 30 seconds of uninspired effort on your part.
Congratulations on raising a beautiful, intelligent and loving child. Keep up the good work.
There's nothing like having a child to make you realize there's a helluva lot more to life than buying lots of cool stuff. Happy Birthday, SWSNBN. Oh, and forget the job. You've got Daddy right where you want him.