As the Chronicle puts it, "The 2006 RodeoHouston lineup looks a lot like the top of the country music charts." If you consider that a good thing, you have my deepest sympathies:
It also bears a passing resemblance to last year's list of rodeo performers. The two notable exceptions are Sheryl Crow and former Creedence Clearwater Revival frontman John Fogerty, both of whom will make their first rodeo appearances.
Of the 24 music and comedy artists announced Monday as part of this year's RodeoHouston, Feb. 28-March 19, a third are returnees from last year's schedule.
The other two-thirds, unfortunately, seem to include just about all the acts that might appeal to anyone who doesn't consider putting "a boot in your ass" sensible foreign policy:
Last year's post on the rodeo lineup was, in my mind, the definitive examination of rodeo concert history, so I'll make this quick:
Feb. 28 -- George Strait
This will make 19 appearances for George, who's still working community service for Pure Country.
March 1 -- Trisha Yearwood
That marriage to Chris Gaines Garth Brooks is making a lot more sense now, considering it's been 12 years since her last rodeo gig.
March 2 -- Sheryl Crow
People blame her for breaking up Lance Armstrong's marriage. I don't. I blame her for taking the obvious songwriting talent behind "Strong Enough" and "Leaving Las Vegas" and making treacly crap like "Soak Up the Sun."
I'd offer my wishes that Lance could give her music more balls, but he doesn't have a lot to spare.
March 3 -- Black Heritage Day -- Maze featuring Frankie Beverly and Raven
Raven? As in Cosby Show and That's so Raven Raven? That's the best you could come up with for Black Heritage Day? Last year's half-Puerto Rican Alicia Keys seemed a little more qualified.
March 4 -- Martina McBride
March 5 -- Clay Walker
As was the case last year, I know nothing about Martina McBride. Clay Walker gets a few points for at least living sort of near Houston.
March 6 -- Robert Earl Keen and Cross Canadian Ragweed
March 7 -- John Fogerty
I'm not one to order my readers around, but if you're going to check out any live acts at the Rodeo this year, these are the two days to do it. Wait too long, and...
March 8 -- Toby Keith
Seeing as how Mr. Personality here was sitting on the OU sideline during the Red River Shootout, I hope 10,000 of my Longhorn brethren show up in burnt orange on the 8th and pelt this bloated, reactionary gasbag with jalapenos. After which, he can clamber into his Ford truck and speed away to his hotel room, where a nonstop parade of Latino rent boys "massage" away his tension.
March 9 -- Maroon 5
I bet these guys showed up last year on a lark, figuring they'd add the Rodeo as a bit of a break from their constant touring schedule that placed them in front of thouands of screaming teenage girls every night.
And I bet these has-beens are glad they were asked back this year.
March 10 -- Pat Green
Did anybody ever believe your pseudo-self-deprecating good ole boy shit?
March 11 -- Lee Ann Womack
March 12 -- Go Tejano Day -- Ramon Ayala and Jay Perez
March 13 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- LeAnn Rimes
March 14 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- Larry the Cable Guy and Cory Morrow
Sweet cheroot of Beirut, this is the show to attend this year. If you've got tickets, I want in. I want to "Haw haw" along with Larry's brilliant routines about edible underwear and those wily homosexuals. I want to bellow "Git-R-Done!" along with a hundred score flabby racists in sleeveless flannel and trucker caps. I want to be the first guy on my block to vomit from accidentally downing half a can of Skoal Long Cut (wintergreen).
March 15 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- Alan Jackson
March 16 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- Hilary Duff
See March 9.
March 17 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- Lonestar
March 18 -- -- Spring Break Stampede -- Brooks & Dunn
At least they ended the Rodeo on a high n..oh, never mind.
Who's my daddy? Toby Keith is my daddy!
I think you mean "they ended the rodeo on two muppets."
P.S. Larry the Cable Guy and E.L. Docotorow? Do what now?
Eh, to each their own. If people are willing to part with thier hard earned money to see crap music, that's thier business. Though, I'll never understand why the rodeo doesn't work harder to get a few nights with some decent names, like Del McCoury, Hank Williams III, Drive By Truckers, or Alison Krauss.
I think Gretchen Wilson on the last day doesn't look that bad. I've heard a few of her songs and so long as she's not another JT Leroy, she's pretty cool.
Larry the Cable Guy and Cory Doctorow?
Web 2.0: "More Crap, but now you'll pay for it."