The act of fornicating in the back (or front, preferably without bucket seats) seat of an automobile is as American as morbid obesity and jingoistic military posturing. It's one of our more widely acknowledged rites of passage, even if urban sprawl and a ballooning security infrastructure has eliminated many of the out-of-the-way spots teens used to be able to use to satisfy their carnal urges. Further, it has a more nostalgic tinge to it than current fads like "death lists" and posting pictures of yourself smoking weed on MySpace.
How do I know all this? Why, because popular music has told me so. Artists of all genres are known for their heavy reliance on cliche, and the concept of nailing your high school sweetie in a car parked behind a grain silo has been a staple in songwriting for over 40 years. Further, it has romantic connotations lacking in such adolescent situational equivalents as getting a hand job in a dollar theater or hastily consummating your relationship on the floor of a bathroom during a post-football game party, for some reason.
But don't take my word for it, check out this comprehensive list:
"When You Close Your Eyes" - Night Ranger
I remember when we learned about love in the back of a Chevrolet."
Really says it all, I think. One assumes they're referring to the physical act of love and not, say, the gospels of Matthew versus the Old Testament.
"Night Moves" - Bob Seger
Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy
Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy
Workin' on mysteries without any clues
Workin' on our night moves
There's your argument for sex education, right there: "workin' on mysteries without any clues?" Might as well register the poor couple at Babies R' Us right now.
"Love is a Ball" - Trick Pony
Love is a Chevy, a '67 Chevy
Sittin' in the back seat, breathin' hot and heavy
To be fair, they may have just been riding to work and the air conditioning was broken.
"Chevy Van" - Sammy Johns
'Cause like a princess she was layin' there
Moonlight dancin' off her hair
She woke up and took me by the hand
We made love in my Chevy van
At least it was a van, for crying out loud. These other horny kids fumbling around in back seats don't ever seem to give a thought to their partner's lumbar comfort.
"The Ballad of Desiree" - The Shackshakers
And in the back seat of a black Chevy
they made love by the river's levy
As with Seger's cornfields, I maintain the average American would have a difficult time finding a levy by which to get busy.
"F.I.N.E.*" - Aerosmith
Your lips smackin', patty whackin' walkin' the street
I got a rag top chevy, now i'm back on my feet
I get and e.m.h.o* woody when i sitin the seat
'cause i'm ready, so ready, yeah
"E.M.H.O." stands for "Early Morning Hard-On," in case you were wondering.
They got sooo much better when they quit drugs.
"Renegade" - Tim McGraw
I got a Chevy with a big back seat
Climb on in and take a chance on me
A chance? A chance you aren't a serial murderer? A chance you aren't syphillitc? A chance there's any hair growing under that hat?
"Oldie but Goodie" - Insane Clown Posse
I got big dick for you hoes to lick
I don't trick bitch but take ya bank and split
Beyonce that's why I'm fucking Kelly
In the backseat of a Chevy, after Nelly
I'd comment more on this, but by merely including it I'm running the risk of another Juggalo infestation.
"Somewhere Down the Crazy River" - Robbie Robertson
Take a picture of this
The fields are empty, abandoned '59 Chevy
Laying in the back seat listening to Little Willie John
Yea, that's when time stood still
We had abandoned cars around where I grew up as well. All fine places for romance, provided you don't mind rotting upholstery and rats biting you on the ass.
"Had to Clown" - T-Rock
In the 91 chevy sitting heavy smoking dank
Perimetric in the dash so I know the ho
Think she getting drink but she ain't think she can but she cant
We've come a long way when a '91 Chevy is something to brag about, although I confess I have no idea what half the words in this song mean.
"69 Chevy" - The Robert Ross Band
My 69 Chevy
I just "love" the way she run
I'm gonna call up my baby
The three of us will have some fun
Oh, I get it..."69" Chevy. If I read this right, the car and his baby are going to "assume the position" while he watches, and that's pretty hot.
"Position of Power" - 50 Cent
My mom turn in her grave if I married a white chick
But baby'll suck the chrome off the Chevy and shit
Admittedly, I don't know if this really fits in with my theme. The use of Chevrolet in the context of blow jobs has to count for something, though.
"You Ain't No Angel" - Saxon
You're coming on strong, you're coming on heavy
Wanna mess with the boys in the back of the Chevy?
Let's take a ride, be my back seat lover
You taste so good, you're just like sugar
This is almost, but not quite, as appetizing an invitation as Tim McGraw's. I'd take him up on it, but only if the "boys" he's referring to are the mighty Tygers of Pan Tang.
"I Go Back" - Kenny Chesney
I go back to a two-toned short bed Chevy
Drivin my first love out to the levy
Okay, so not a lot of words in English rhyme with "Chevy:" bevy, heavy...elevy. Whatever, I blame Don McLean.
"Chevy Nova" - The Great Crusades
Now in the back seat of a Chevy Nova
Ballerina slippers and a cowboy hat
Uhhh.
"How Bizarre" - OMC
Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front
Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"
And again: "69." Bravo.
"You Win My Love" - Shania Twain
I'm lookin' for a lover
Who can rev his little engine up
He can have a '55 Chevy
Or a fancy little pick-up truck
What about an Accord? Or a Volvo? A Kia Sportage?
Materialist.
UPDATE: Thanks to my fine commenters, I have more examples...
"Bel Air" - Old 97's
I'm drowning in the back seat of a '61 Bel Air, I got a mouthful of your hair. A handful of skin.
Suggested by Basshole. Initially overlooked because, uh, I didn't realize a Bel Air was a Chevrolet.
"Boomin' Granny" - Beastie Boys
I know I'm younger, and you're much older You look so nice on my Chevy Nova
Also suggested by Basshole. I guess that old Simpsons adage about being hot property just because you have a car holds up. A Nova? Yeesh.
"Late Model Love" - The Bobs
Charlie walked away, leaving his Chevy behind I drove it til the fuel pump froze, then I started dating again... I ran into a man who had a diesel Mercedes Sensible but not real fast, a model that you'd expect to last
I have to admit, this song makes me a little uncomfortable. Probably because I suspect, as the song says, I've already got too much slop on my shocks. Thanks to Blurker Gone Bad for the heads-up.
Ron also correctly chastised me for not including any Springsteen. I'm not really sure how that happened, but I blame Bush.
"Racing in the Streets" - Bruce Springsteen
I got a sixty-nine Chevy with a 396 Fuelie heads and a Hurst on the floor She's waiting tonight down in the parking lot Outside the Seven-Eleven store
True story: the first time I heard this song was a cover by Queen drummer Roger Taylor from his solo album Strange Frontier. That was also the first time I heard Dylan's "Masters of War."
“Taxi,” Harry Chapin:
We learned about love in the back of a Dodge
The lessons hadn’t gone too far
Proving that there is a difference between folkies and rockers, but it’s the difference between Chevies and Dodges.
And, how is it possible to post this without any Springsteen? My favorite?
By the time we made it up to Greasy Lake
I had my head out the window and Janey’s fingers were in the cake
I think I really dug her ‘cause I was too loose to fake
I said, “I’m hurt.” She said, “Honey let me heal ya.”
It’s my favorite mostly because, well, who the hell calls their groin their “cake”? I mean, I guess I understand that he’s trying to say that it’s happy and has a sweet, creamy icing, but, uhm, eww.
I guess all of us poor sots with Fords aren’t getting any loving at all. Maybe that’s why I graduated from high school with my virginity intact. Could it be a subconscious chastity belt? Perhaps something all of you fathers with daughters should look into….
What about an Accord? Or a Volvo? A Kia Sportage?
Because my love is bigger than a Honda; it’s bigger than a Subaru.
I would tend to prefer minivans myself…more space.
Oh, and Robbie Robertson is Canadian (which you may have realized), which just goes to prove that Canadians hop into the backseat of cars as much as Americans. Ok, maybe it doesn’t prove that, but it’s basically a rite of passage here as well.
My second favorite Houston Press article (http://www.houstonpress.com/Issues/2005-10-06/news/hairballs.html, see number 1) featured this theme, and of course, a Chevy Suburban.
(Favorite Houston Press article: http://www.houstonpress.com/Issues/1999-11-04/news/news3.html )
For those with a novelty bent, Damaskas’ “Making Love in a Subaru” has been a staple of the Dr. Demento show for 3 decades.
And all that, with no mention of the “dogging” phenomenon that’s swept the UK and (presumably) working across the US. Using Google Fu, you can see that car-nality is alive and well!
Abandoning the Chevy badge, but sticking with GM, I think one could easily argue that “Baby, I wonder what you do in the back of your pink Cadillac” counts.
“Somewhere Down the Crazy River” - Robbie Robertson
Oooo, I love that song…that’s one of the sexiest songs ever. I bought the CD for that song.
PS - Right on Ben! We Canadians hop into the backseat too; although some times during the year we need to keep the car running & the heat on…:)
Lets not forget Jack & Diane (who are turning 40 this year-so much for 16)
Little ditty about Jack and Diane
Two American kids growin up in the heartland
Jacky’s gonna be a football star
Diane debutante backseat of Jacky’s car
Probably a Chevy.
Don McLean did take his Chevy to the levy…but the levy was dry.
How’s that for some seriously sad symbolism.
How about some Old 97s?
“Bel Air”:
I’m drowning in the back seat of a ‘61 Bel Air,
I got a mouthful of your hair.
A handful of skin.
“Barrier Reef” :
Midnight came and midnight went, and I though I was the President.
She said, “Do you have a car,” and I said, “Do I have a car?”
My heart wasn’t in it, not for one single minute.
I went through the motions with her. Her on top, and me on liquor.
Didn’t do no good, well I didn’t think it would.
With imagery like that, you can almost smell the sweaty vinyl seats.
And what about the Beastie Boys “Boomin Granny”:
I Know I’m Younger, And Your Much Older
You Look So nice On My Chevy Nova
Ah, poetry…
I guess Beck, the girl at JC Penny and her sister Debra all got busy with his packed heat in the back of his Hyundai in Glendale, although the logistics of that feat could be ….interesting.
It’s somewhat difficult to get worked up about a three way in the back of one of those.
Late Mdel Love (The Bobs)
Charlie walked away, leaving his Chevy behind
I drove it til the fuel pump froze, then I started dating again…
I ran into a man who had a diesel Mercedes
Sensible but not real fast, a model that you’d expect to last
But his rubber was already old and cracked,
With too much slop in his shocks.
He blew a head gasket shoveling snow
I parked him in the front yard up on blocks
Now I’m looking for a late model love
Looking for a late model love
Something with style that I won’t grow tired of
Looking for a late model love
Down at the garage there’s a perfect pickup
Bucket seats and shiny chrome, ooh, I wanna take that Jimmy home
We went for a spin - it took a jump to start him up
Blowing smoke and runnin’ rough, We went around the block - that was enough
I want a lover with “new car smell”
Leather seats always fill me with lust
Maps in the glove box and tread on the tires
All his body parts should be free of rust
I’m looking for a late model love
Looking for a late model love
Something with style that I won’t grow tired of
I’m looking for a late model love
Come on down, we got a turbocharged Ram
Yeah, all muscle, no brain
Come on down, we got a one owner Escort
They had to straighten the frame
Come on down, we got a sassy little Swinger
I bet the finish is scratched
Come on down, we got a nice clean Probe
You know, that’s a really sexist name for a car
I’m looking for a late model love
Looking for a late model love
Something with style that I won’t grow tired of
I’m looking for a late model love
That’s THE SHACKSHAKERS, not Th’Legendary Shack Shakers that do the Desiree song. If you see their video for it, yes, you can make love in a Chevy parked by the river levy!
What’s with the Chevy fetish? I didn’t realize that Chevies were so synonymous with getting some lovin. Thanks for the trip down memory lane, although mine happened in the frontseat/backseat of a ‘75 Dodge Dart Special Edition.