It was only a matter of time before something like The Weekly Blurb came out (via MetaFilter):
Have a movie? Want it to be a hit? Don't have the clout, the time, the energy or the talent to make it an international critical success? Realized that it might be the worst movie since Xanadu? You've come to the right place.
We at The Weekly Blurb believe that every film, no matter how
good or bad, deserves a blurb - a nice, punchy, positive bit of praise that can be pulled out here and pasted in your movie's advertising.
A sample, from the Basic Instinct II review (they gave it 10 stars):
David Morrissey brings the same good looks and place-holding capabilities he's brought to other movies he's been in, although I can't think of any offhand at the moment, and David Thewlis and Charlotte Rampling are riveting in supporting roles playing people who have lines.
Any over/under guesses as to the first time a studio actually uses one of these in an ad? I say 6 weeks.
Earl Dittman is combing Monster.com as we speak.
"I saw the shit out of it!"
Still my default comment whenever the PR people corral me after a screening.
I like Doug Benson's take on Out Cold: "Seriously, it's a good thing I loaded up on nachos and corn before the movie because I shit myself at least seven times... OUT COLD is a shitstorm of entertainment that will leave you shitless!"
Whoa there. Is somebody talking shit about Xanadu? It's got Olivia N-J, Gene Kelly, AND a bevy of ELO classics. And as if that weren't enough, it's got, um, er, that other dude. I give it at least three thumbs, depending on where you want me to stick 'em.
I meant to say three thumbs UP, but I think it pretty much works either way.
This reminds me of some of the glowing praise given to Coupon: The Movie:
"I got it over with!" "We saw Coupon! It was a movie!"