June 6, 2006

"A marriage can't be reconciled in a few hours, Homer. It takes a whole weekend to do that."

Posted by pete at June 6, 2006 12:56 AM

I should set this up. The Wife and I are in the living room of our house. The series finale of Everwood is on, though I'm reading Paul Feig's Kick Me and not really watching it. Honest.

Anyway, this scene comes on where Doc Brown (Treat Williams) is at the grave of his wife (whose death essentially served as the genesis for the entire show, but that's not important). I make note of the setting, and - in one of my more intelligent moves - decide to interrupt.

This exchange gets a little...grotesque.

Me: You know what make this the best show of all time?
TW: Something completely tasteless and inappropriate, I'm guessing.
Me: Come on, think about it.
TW: Okay: if she rose from the grave and ate his brains?
Me: I was thinking "ate his entrails," but that's a good start.
TW: How about, "She rises from the grave, eats his entrails and then his brains, and then fucks him in the guthole?"
Me: [blinking] Uh, how does she fuck him in the guthole?
TW: With the tombstone, of course.
Me: Yeah, that'd...
TW: Oh, but you'd want the double-action, so she'd have to rip off his own dick and use it on his ass at the same time.
Me: Uh...
TW: I've officially been married to you too long. Now shut up.

Ten years, folks. That's all it took to for my sweet young wife to gaze into the abyss and, in turn, have it also gaze into her.

Isn't "Double-Fuck You In The Guthole With a Tombstone and in the Asshole With Your Own Ripped-Off Dick" an old Carpenters song?

--Posted by norbizness on June 5, 2006 11:45 PM

If not, it *should* be.

--Posted by nougatmachine on June 5, 2006 11:50 PM

That does it--I'll be down shortly to pick up my granddaughter.

--Posted by raybob on June 6, 2006 7:32 AM

You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!

--Posted by Rick on June 6, 2006 8:05 AM

That does it--I'll be down shortly to pick up my granddaughter

Chill out, I distracted her by letting her play with my handguns.

--Posted by Pete on June 6, 2006 8:26 AM

I literally just blew java out my nose. Very vivid, and very funny.

--Posted by Seadogs on June 6, 2006 8:43 AM

Howling in the grey flannel halls. Funny stuff - both the posts and the comments.

--Posted by Curmudgeon on June 6, 2006 9:16 AM

thank you for interrupting my conference call this morning

--Posted by Tim on June 6, 2006 9:27 AM

*still laughing hysterically*

You do realize, Pete, that your last line in this dialogue needed to be "I've never loved you more than I do right now." I think you owe The Wife an apology.

Too bad they didn't link this post from the Chron opinion page.

--Posted by Charles Kuffner on June 6, 2006 10:24 AM

Ironically, I was watching VIDEODROME last night and I think what TW described was actually happening on my TV. Weird.

--Posted by don on June 6, 2006 11:43 AM

Too bad they didn't link this post from the Chron opinion page.

I'm thinking of changing up the post order just to give the Chron passers-by a little jolt.

--Posted by Pete on June 6, 2006 1:20 PM

I'm pretty sure that was a Cowsills song, Norb.

I'm pretty sure that dialogue will be in the forthcoming Rob Zombie flick.

--Posted by Grotesqueticle on June 6, 2006 5:16 PM



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