June 6, 2006
The Tuesday of the Beast
Posted by pete at June 6, 2006 7:27 AMIt's June 6, 2006, a day that - thanks to it's dubious connection to an odd little book written a few thousand years ago - seems to be causing an inordinate amount of anxiety among our fellow Americans. I'd hoped to mark the occasion by settling down to read the latest in the Left Behind series, but I have a screening tonight. Bummer.
You, however, can celebrate this auspicious day in a number of ways:
1. Head up to Hell, MI for their 666 Party:
Live entertainment and a costume contest are planned. The Gates of Hell should be installed at a children's play area in time for the festivities.
Colone has been in touch with radio stations as far away as Seattle that are raffling off trips to Hell in honor of 6-6-6.
Resident Jason LeTeff wasn't particularly enthused.
"Now, here I am living in Hell, taking my kids to church and trying to teach them the right things and the town where we live is having a 6-6-6 party," he said.
Dude, you're like, 60 miles from Detroit. Your kids are well aquainted with perdition.
2. If you're expecting a baby, you could distract yourself in an effort to avoid giving birth on this unholiest of days:
Both women were thanking heaven the due date on their calendar didn't fall there. If you're an expecting mother who reads into numbers, then June 6, 2006, could be a bad day to have a baby.
“The Devil. Satan. The end of the world,” a hospital worker said.
According to Christianity, the number of the Devil, the sign of the "Beast," is 666.
It has long been tied to the coming of the Antichrist, which might explain why doctors at Centennial Hospital are inducing so few labors that day and why several women are said to have moved their delivery dates.
“I'd feel like my child would be forever bad,” Hembree said,
I thought Nashville already had an Anti-Christ. I call him Toby Keith
3. There's always that remake of The Omen (reviewed here by you know who) out in theaters today. It's not great, but it's nowhere near as bad as you may have been led to believe.
Oh hell heck, let's see an excerpt:
For starters, the idea of a child being the son of Satan is only terrifying when the child doesn’t look like something out of an Edward Gorey painting to begin with. Harvey Stephens, the original Damien (he also has a cameo here), was a mostly normal looking kid, which had the desired effect of making us distrust all children from that point on. A mere glance from new Damien Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick would likely make you run screaming from your local Chuck E. Cheese.
Sage words, and finally...
4. You could risk eternal damnation by eating this yogurt tube I found in my refrigerator this morning:
See you in hell.
616? What a mess! That means in some countries the big day o' evil is June 1, and in others it's 6 January!
And what about people who live in area code 616 (western Michigan), who are damned every time they pick up the phone!
For starters, the idea of a child being the son of Satan is only terrifying when the child doesn’t look like something out of an Edward Gorey painting to begin with.
Oh good lord I was thinking the exact same thing when I first saw this preview.
Dang, Pete. As if yogurt tubes weren't already scary enough!
YOGURT TUBES? And people wonder what's wrong with this country.
I saw a woman feed her child 8 potato chips out of an individually sealed plastic pack today. Eight! The packaging weighed more than the chips.
For the love of God, man, just go get a yak.
YOGURT TUBES? And people wonder what's wrong with this country.
You say "tomato." I say "individually packaged tubes of organic yogurt are somewhat less troubling than illegal wars and gutted funding for social programs."
That can't be the #otB, because the # is required for commercial transactions, and that yogutube is not labelled for retail sale.
Don't sweat it. you're safe. Per the Independent (http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/this_britain/article625643.ece):
A newly discovered scrap of the oldest surviving copy of the New Testament seemed to suggest that when it came to the mark of the beast, they had the wrong number. In fact it was the rather less ominous 616.
Magus Peter H Gilmore, High Priest of the Church of Satan, New York, responded, saying Satanists were happy to start using 616 as the number of the beast if that scared Christians more.