I cannot begin to tell you the number of people who forwarded this to me yesterday (though Michael was the first). Loath as I am to link to AICN, it's pretty worth it:
Towards the end of the filming of Postal, the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms. As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press.
To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the Internet or have written in magazines/newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005. Critics of 2006 will not be considered.
Folks between 140 and 190 pounds, send an email to info@boll.kg.de and help Uwe prove that he isn't a bad filmmaker through physical violence.
Well, he certainly isn't going to prove it through his films.
I appreciate the thoughts, guys. I really do, but there are a few problems:
1. I have yet to review an Uwe Boll movie. Alone in the Dark wasn't screened for critics (or anyone else with functioning retinas), and my procrastination with regard to BloodRayne finally paid off when Felix reviewed the DVD at Film Threat. There are a number of APCB-related blog entries, but I don't know if these count.
2. I also may be disqualified for writing an entry sort of defending the Bollinator earlier this year.
Okay, I just re-read it, and it's not a defense so much as it is an attempt at gaining some perspective.
3. I'm outside the weight parameters. Why it was set at 190 is a mystery to me, considering some of the more...Rubenesque internet personalities are well past that. The opportunity to appear in Postal isn't quite enough to get me to don the Vision Quest Hefty bags and dehydrate myself down to the requisite weight. And at 225, I'd probably have to cut off an arm as well.
4. Does Boll even understand weight class? There's a big difference between 140 and 190. Then again, the kind of people he's calling out probably don't even know how to properly throw a punch
5. And screw boxing, what about K1 or Pride fighting rules? Dangle the prospect of getting some ground and pound on Herr Boll and you'll have people coming out of the woodwork.
The hell with it, I say we get Takanori Gomi, tell everyone he's Chris Gore (they even have similar hair) and send him. The entire fight wouldn't be long enough to upload to YouTube.
Maybe I should start writing a few reviews so that I can get in on this action. It would be only fair that Boll is has some physical pain inflicted on him comparable to the mental anguis he has caused the world with his "art". I don't know much about boxing, but I don't think I would box him any way. A leg sweep combined with a few boots to the head should settle the issue and actually give his legion of fans something interesting to actually watch. Another strategy would be to dance around him and assault him with a barrage of insults ala Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It wouldn't work very well since Germans aren't known for their understanding of humorous taunts. Perhaps a rendition of Confuse-a-Cat would put him into a funk so severe he would never direct another film again.
I figgered the weight restriction was to protect Dr. Boll from said Rubenesque internet personalities and critics.
Would YOU wanna go mano-y-mano against a blood-crazed Roger Ebert who’s slathered in popcorn butter-product and hopped up on Jujubees? Or face "Gnasher" Knowles and his famed, fearsome "Drive-By" finisher?
Boll may be dumb, but he ain't stupid.