A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Foley? Foley?

Anyone?

If there were an Academy Award for Hypocrisy, the surefire favorite for 2006 would be the Democratic Party. Just two recent items make the decision a virtual certainty:

The Representative Foley "scandal" is really worthy of a whole book on hypocrisy. On the one hand, we have a poor misguided Republican man who had a romantic thing for young boys. He sent them suggestive e-mail. I agree, that's not great. On the other hand, we have a Democratic party that worships ( not likes, WORSHIPS ) a man named Bill Clinton who did not send suggestive e-mails as far as we know, but who had a barely legal intern give him oral sex kneeling under his desk in the Oval Office while he talked on the phone to a Congressional Committee Chairman, took great pleasure in putting a cigar in her orifice and then smelling it and tasting it, and having her fellate him when in the sacred seat of power of the world's leading Republic. And the Democrats cheer themselves hoarse for him. His wife has a great shot at being our next President.

"Barely legal?" Monica Lewinski was 21 years old, which this third-rate Wink Martindale seems to have forgotten, and it's something more than a stone's throw from "not at all legal," like - say - a 16-year old. And Foley is "misguided?" Misguided implies the dude thought he was not IM'ing with an underage boy, when in fact his multiple references to "stiff wood" and "spirting in a towel" while the kid mentions his mom yelling in the background would appear to give lie to this.

On top of that, references to so-called sacred seats of power would ring less hollow coming from someone who didn't work for the goddamned Nixon administration.

But it's the Democrats who are hypocrites, because one of them had an extramarital affair (something no Republican could ever be accused of) and his wife may end up running for President. There's a relevant comparison.

We have a Republican man in Congress who sent e-mails to teenage boys asking them what they were wearing,

And asking them how long their cocks were. And asking them to describe how they masturbate. And asking where they throw the towel when they're done masturbating.

Just saying.

and an entire party, the Democrats, whose primary constituency, besides the teachers' unions, is homosexual men and lesbian women. I hope it won't come as a surprise to anyone that a big part of male homosexual behavior is interest in young boys. (Take a look at anyone renting Endless Summer next time you are at the video store.)

So it follows that a big part of male heterosexual behavior is interest in young girls? Like, pre-legal girls? I question whether this is a line of thought Stein wants to see all the way to its end.

And thanks Ben, I had no idea my interest in surfing documentaries made my gay. Not that you have a problem with it, because some of your best friends are gay, right?

Don't get me wrong. My very best friend is gay. I have many gay friends and they are great people. But how the Democrats, the party of gays, can be coming down this hard on a MC who's gay is simply beyond belief. One of my top, favorite congressmen, Barney Frank, is openly gay. Might he say a word in defense of his fellow gay MC right about now? Hmm, I thought not.

Frank isn't a pedophile, for fuck's sake. By this reasoning we should be asking Stein why he didn't leap to fellow Jew Roman Polanski's defense when he was convincted of statutory rape.

Second, let's look at George Allen. Now, he's a bad guy because he has a Confederate flag. Let's get it straight. To millions of our fellow citizens, this flag has zero to do with racism. It is entirely about respect for a time of unbelievable horror in our society, The Civil War, and respect for men who fought so brilliantly for a cause that was unquestionably -- by decent standards -- a bad cause. Moreover, the stars and bars are a beautiful design and show nothing whatsoever about a person's views about non-whites. No one has suggested that George Allen did anything racist or anti-black in his work in the Senate or as Governor. For him to be judged by what historical relics he owns is pure thought crime.

Allen isn't a bad guy because he owns a Confederate flag. He's a bad guy because he voted against funding for teen pregnancy education and contraceptives and voted yes on the "partial-birth" ban. He's a bad guy because he voted against same-sex marriage. He's a bad guy because he voted against increasing tax deductions for college tuition. He's a bad guy because he blindly supports the PATRIOT Act. He's a bad guy because he supported harsher drug sentencing, opposed reducing oil usage, and supported limits on medical liability lawsuits.

For owning (and proudly displaying) a Confederate flag, Allen is merely an ignorant asshole.

But Stein is right about one thing, this is hardly a scandal. Compared to the Bush Adminstration's blatant subversion of the Constitution in prosecuting an illegal war and surveilling its citizens while using its ties to the religious right to turn us into a fundamentalist feifdom, sending sexually explicit e-mails and IMs to children seems like stealing pens from the office supply room.

Not that I'd be especially proud of that fact.