The concert lineup for the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo was announced earlier today. As we at APCB like to do every year, here's a not-at-all bitchy overview of the "musical" acts involved (via HandStamp):
Tuesday, Feb. 27 -- George Strait
Wednesday, Feb. 28 -- Los Lonely Boys
Thursday, March 1 -- Reba McEntire
Ah, the classics (well, except for Los Lonely Boys, who are apparently too big an act to be shackled by the confines of Go Tejano Day). This will mark George's 20th Rodeo appearance, tying him with Charlie Pride. This will be Reba's 17th.
N00b.
Friday, March 2 - Black Heritage Day with Natalie Cole and KEM
I was pretty excited when I saw this, though a little confused. I mean, only one of the Holograms was black (Shana). Then I read it again.
Saturday, March 3 -- Clay Walker
Sunday, March 4 -- The Cheetah Girls and Hannah Montana
I am at least marginally grateful She Who Shall Not Be Named is not old enough to demand attendance at this one. Though it might be gratifying to kick Hannah's dad in the nuts.
Monday, March 5 -- Josh Turner
All I know about Josh Turner is that "Josh Turner" spelled backwards is "Lon Nol."
Tuesday, March 6 -- Gretchen Wilson
Wednesday, March 7 -- Sheryl Crow
Tough choice, ladies. Which vaguely empowered female singer/songwriter do you want to check out after getting in the X-Terra with the girlfriends and having margaritas at Pappasitos? The one who traded singing heartfelt love songs for lightweight crap like "Soak Up the Sun?" Or the one who shows some talent, but is inextricably linked with the Ass Clowns of the Universe, AKA Big and Rich?
Call me when Neko Case is on the bill.
Thursday, March 8 -- Alan Jackson
Friday, March 9 -- Pat Green
Saturday, March 10 -- Martina McBride
Now we enter that part of the rodeo lineup I like to call Hell on Earth. I know Jackson gets credit for writing his own stuff and standing out from the hairdo country acts of today, but I still can't stand his music. Pat Green always seemed to me like he might someday throw off the shackles of frat boy expectations and...I don't know...turn out more like Robert Earl Keen than Richard Marx.
I was so naive then.
Sunday, March 11 -- Go Tejano Day with Pesado and Emilio
Given my eminent respect for any artist who only goes by their first name, I think I'll give this a pass. Like I was going anyway.
Monday, March 12 -- Spring Break Stampede with Sugarland
Tuesday, March 13 -- Spring Break Stampede with Toby Keith
Wednesday, March 14 - Spring Break Stampede with Rascal Flatts
Sweet zombie jesus, but this might break the record set for Most Consecutive Days of Excruciatingly Shitty Music (previously held by Woodstock '99). Sugarland is bland garbage, Rascal Flatts does a good Take That! impression, but they're about as country as O-Town, and Toby Keith...Toby Keith is a Ford truck man, which you're bound to remember when the marquee reminds you "FORD presents Tony Keith."
What an outlaw.
Thursday, March 15 - Spring Break Stampede -- Beyoncé
Friday, March 16 - Spring Break Stampede -- Dierks Bentley
Wow. Natalie Cole gets a Friday night slot, but Houston's own Beyonce has to play opposite Grey's Anatomy? That's cold.
Oh, and uh, Dierks Bentley sucks,
This is the way the rodeo endsSaturday, March 17 - Brooks & Dunn
Sunday, March 18 - ZZ Top
Of course, you have your choice of whimper: the bubblegum country duo who outlived their usefulness ten years ago, or the semi-retired tres hombres, who at least have had the decency to fade in semi-obscurity with their dignity (mostly) intact.
Sadly the Livestock show and rodeo has long outlived the legendary Texxas Jam franchise
For some reason I can’t explain, this makes me homesick.
Way off topic, but I’ve got to say — the new image from The Thing with Two Heads? Bravo.
Sadly, my daughter IS old enough to insist on seeing the Cheetah Girls and Hannah Montana, so I’ll be trekking to the rodeo this year (against my will). I feel an obligation after missing the High School Musical show that came through town — tickets were $50 each and it was six days before Christmas.
That is one lame lineup.
OTOH, at least Houston has a solid tradition of promoting an actual rodeo. Dallas made the rodeo go to Mesquite and the stock show go to Ft. Worth back in the early 1900s, and they’ve never looked back. Dallas can put on a mean handbag & shoe matching clinic, if you need one, though.