"Burton will also tell us about his most recent lapse, and the one he has planned for August, which should take him to Rio De Janeiro."
One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is ''completely heterosexual.''
Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition.
''He is completely heterosexual,'' Ralph said. ''That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing.''
Remind me to try this angle next time I'm in Vegas: "Honey, my sexual contact was limited to the one stripper who came back to my room from the Cheetah Club. I remain convinced I am completely faithful."
They'd never find my corpse.
As for Haggard, this is actually a pretty grim situation. The guy is so deep in denial I honestly can't see it ending anywhere but at the end of the rope. How big of a loss to humanity as a whole that'd be is…arguable.
I guess.
Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to ''sexual immorality."
Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.
Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.
''This is a good place for Ted,'' Ware said. ''It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed.''
Translated: "He needs to get somewhere the hell out of Colorado Springs so we can start removing his name from all NLC-related materials and avoid those awkward instances when we bump into him at Gerland's."
Ted, I hear the Bay Area's nice. And we have some lovely areas around Montrose right here in Houston. Either would be perfect for convalescing from your so-called (self-inflicted) "wound."
The e-mail said the family hasn’t decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.
Sure, that sound about right. He’s considering Missouri and she’s considering Iowa.
The Bay Area doesn’t want him. We like our gays like our bananas foster: rich and flaming.
Do a lot of people realize that there is no such word as cromulent? When my cousins visited from Switzerland for a year, we used to just be able to talk really fast to get them to completely miss what we were talking about. Eventually, their english got better, so we started making up words. We used cromulent once…I don’t remember where we heard it the first time.
If you’re still adding to your “measly” (massive) blogroll, I’d love to be on board. I’ll certainly be back!
Isn’t it hilarious how these wingers see homo-seck-shoo-ality as a “lifestyle choice”? And then they believe that a, erm, “lifestyle choice” can just be cured? These guys really are confused. I’m still interested in how Haggard’s wife is handling this public embarassment.
Thanks for stopping by—I agree, 30 Rock is very good (even better than I thought it would be).
In related news, I was thinking of joining the Church, but I have a grievance. Veronica Mars is god-awful. My buddy (a television Guru) swore up and down it was the best thing on television, so I started watching in the beginning of season 2. It was really horrible. My friend later concurred it had taken a nosedive off a cliff, but said I should still see season 1.
So if I watch season 1, is that good enough? Because I’m not putting myself through that again. search my blog for Veronica or Mars, you’ll see what I mean.
Go to espn.com today and then hook up Haggard with Tim Hardaway. Wait…Ted…Tim….Hardaway…Haggard….if your name starts with T. Hag, you’re involved with gay somehow. Thags are fags!
Ignorance is bliss but it’s also sad.
Poor Ted. Forced out of his basement, forced out of his closet.